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Original poster

Does anyone have an only child by choice?

83 replies

nomorearsingmermaids · 05/12/2018 14:14

Just that really. Does anyone have an only child by choice, ie not because of secondary infertility/age/illness etc?

DS is 3 and I am 90% sure I don't want another child, for many reasons. But I am not yet 30 and people around me who I have told this to think I'm crazy and selfish, and they say so.

I come from a big family and everyone seems to think because of this I want a big family myself (in fact it's the opposite).

Anyone else?

OP posts:

Moominfan · 05/12/2018 15:09

I hate when people comment on choosing one child. One is enough for us. Motherhood taught me that I'm selfish and love my me time. Two kids I'd be exhausted and stressed. Neither would get the best out of me. One is easy

Athena51 · 05/12/2018 15:46

Yes. I have one DS now 24 and I was only 26 when I had him. I wasn't in a great marriage so that probably influenced my decision but I don't regret it.

We are very close and I had plenty of time and energy for him. He's a wonderful young man and I am very proud of him and love him to pieces. He doesn't feel that he has missed out on anything either.

BillywigSting · 05/12/2018 15:52

I have an only by choice. He's five now and I honestly can't see myself changing my mind any time soon.

The only way a second is happening is if there is (another) contraception failure. Unlikely since I don't trust hormonal contraceptives as far as I can throw them now (but take them anyway to manage endo) and double up with condoms too. If a baby is conceived under those conditions it's probably meant to be here!

My mum was one of three and my dad one of six, so not small families. Oddly enough, I'm also an only (but having to part raise their siblings had nothing to do with that of course oh no cough cough )

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Families

ExploryRory · 05/12/2018 15:53

I only have one by choice. I’ll admit I hated the first two years and struggled to cope. Later found out that little one is autistic so harder work than most.

I’m 43 now and just beginning to find life enjoyable again, so no, I don’t want any more.

DerfelCadarn · 05/12/2018 16:07

I have one DD aged 2. Originally I wanted 2-3 children (I am from a family of 3 siblings so it seemed normal). But I had severe PND with DD and worry that I would go through the same again if I had more children. It wouldn't be fair on DD to see me break down to a blubbering heap of nerves.

Once I've passed my driving test I'll have to make a final decision (definitely couldn't manage 2 DC on the bus!) But I'm thinking most likely it will be no more sprogs for me.

Millie2013 · 05/12/2018 17:44

DD (5) is an only by choice. OH and I are both only children though, which definitely influenced our decision

NottonightJosepheen · 05/12/2018 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 05/12/2018 17:58

We have an only by choic and would echo a lot of comments on this thread. DS is a very content teenager, and our family has always felt complete. We have a very close bond, and still play board games together and watch family box sets (Supernatural currently!)

We have always made an effort to make sure that he has plenty of company; he has two friends who he has known since he was a baby, and will frequently spend time at one or other of their houses. He also has a large extended family, with lots of cousins, so he doesn't feel "alone in the world" in that sense.

I love the bones of him, but have never wanted to have loads of kids.

gamerwidow · 05/12/2018 17:59

DD is 8 and an only. I love having only one and have never wanted to try for another.

StoorieHoose · 05/12/2018 18:00

I had one by choice. Dd is now nearly 13 and we have a great time together. She has never asked for a sibling. I liked being pregnant I hated the baby stage and had PND. When DD was about 14 month I started to enjoy it and I have never had the urge for another

fussychica · 05/12/2018 18:07

Of course. I was an only though my mum couldn't have anymore. However, we made a choice to just have one. Never regretted it. He was a super easy baby and we couldn't believe we would be that lucky twice.

mortifiedmama · 05/12/2018 18:12

I would be. But accidentally got pregnant with DC2. I was very firmly "one and done" but nature had other ideas! I couldn't bring myself to have an abortion and I'm now 31 weeks. I can't say I'm thrilled to be honest and kind of wish it wasn't happening..

I'm eldest of 5 and hated it.

fringegrin45 · 05/12/2018 18:12

I had one by choice - totally the right thing for us.

But be prepared a) for others to be curious and occasionally ask and b) to possibly find you keep revisiting the question in your head long after you've actually decided

The thing that made me question the most was seeing two sibs playing together when we visited on play dates. My DH never saw much of this so had zero doubt

Gimmeesugar · 05/12/2018 18:15

Yes I have a 3 year old. We toyed with the idea of a second, and even tried to conceive for a couple of months, but suddenly realised we didn’t actually want any more! Nothing to do with money.

Gimmeesugar · 05/12/2018 18:16

To add to Fringegrin I have doubted myself and had moments of worry. But really more than one would not have suited us at all.

AlexaShutUp · 05/12/2018 18:23

Well, I wanted two but ended up with only one, and although it isn't what I would have chosen, I actually love having an only child. There is no sibling rivalry in our house, no squabbling and no refereeing. DD can have as much of our time and attention as she chooses, I can get on with my career and we have the financial resources to do whatever we want to do. Of course she misses out on the sibling relationship, but she has a very close relationship with her cousin (also an only child, same age as dd) and loads of friends, so she is never lonely. We're really close as a family, too.

Looking back, I think I only really wanted two because it felt like the done thing, but as things have turned out, I'm actually really happy with one and wouldn't change it for a thing. People do ask a lot about siblings when they're younger, but don't worry, it tails off as they get older.

PepperSteaks · 05/12/2018 18:28

I hated being pregnant. It was a vile time of my life and I would never want to go through that again with DD present. She is a complete gift she had a cousin similar in age to fill the sibling hole.

Ballbags · 05/12/2018 18:29

I have one DD, 12. Life is lovely: calm, fun, peaceful and full of lots of treats we probably couldn't afford with more.
I am one of 4 (DH one of 3) and just remember the constant shouting and bickering which I am very glad we don't have to put up with!

RiverTam · 05/12/2018 18:32

I have one due to many MCs but I am really happy with it and our family is just perfect. I reallybstuflled with baby and toddlerhood and the idea of ever doing that again fills me with horror.

Kate223344 · 05/12/2018 18:44

I have one aged 3 by choice. There are so many positives of having only one child! Please don't feel pressured to have more just because your family or friends think you should.

Wetdogloveshubert · 05/12/2018 18:56

I am one of four, married to an 'only'. We have one child and whilst previous to having her thought we may have another, during pregnancy we decided no more. Children are hard work, and some of us are not 'naturally' maternal in the way society expects us to be - I struggled with the early years and am very happy with our family choice to be parents to one.

As one of four I know the challenges of large families and as the happy parent to one I am happy in the knowledge that this is right for us. Our child will not go without, will be encouraged to make friends and gave enough time and love from us to thrive without being coddled.

Family would love us to have another by the by, but after 5 plus years they've begrudgingly accepted our dd will not be getting a sibling - something she has also accepted!

pontiouspilates · 05/12/2018 18:59

Only child here. My Mother's choice. I had a lovely childhood and have never really felt like Ive missed out.

Conventicle · 05/12/2018 19:08

I have a six year old. Having another really never occurred to me. It's not a financial decision, or a reaction to a difficult pregnancy/birth -- it was just something I never seriously considered. DH and I are the eldest (me) and the youngest (him) of large families.

I have very little patience with the people who chirp 'Ooh, you can't have a lonely only!' or 'Having an only child is so selfish!' It seems quite often to come from a sneaking suspicion that I have it too easy, and that random people I meet at neighbours' parties would feel much happier if I were juggling at least three offspring and a whacking great childcare bill, despite having never previously laid eyes on me.

WeeM · 05/12/2018 19:20

One her too and was always planned that way. I do have the odd wobble where I think what if. It really bugs me when people say things to me about it-it’s very rude. People have no right to comment on my life choices as if my child is somehow deprived without a sibling. And in any case how do they know you haven’t been trying for another and it’s just never happened. Anyway rant over

WeeM · 05/12/2018 19:21

I should have said I do have the odd wobble but then I realise I would never want to go back to the newborn days again and I like our life as it is.

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