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Original poster

Does anyone have an only child by choice?

83 replies

nomorearsingmermaids · 05/12/2018 14:14

Just that really. Does anyone have an only child by choice, ie not because of secondary infertility/age/illness etc?

DS is 3 and I am 90% sure I don't want another child, for many reasons. But I am not yet 30 and people around me who I have told this to think I'm crazy and selfish, and they say so.

I come from a big family and everyone seems to think because of this I want a big family myself (in fact it's the opposite).

Anyone else?

OP posts:
Ofchris · 05/12/2018 19:26

I was the youngest of 3 children but as my brothers are much older I felt like an only child. I was often lonely and wish I’d had siblings my own age. I’m now closer to my brothers and really grateful for their support as my parents have got older, required more help and when DM finally passed away.

sar302 · 05/12/2018 19:27

My little boy is one tomorrow, and we're sticking at one. I have health complications due to his birth, which would make a second not impossible, but would negatively impact my health and future.

The plan was two originally, but I hated being pregnant and hated having a little baby. While my NCT friends are mostly gearing up for a second, every time I look at his little face, I can't imagine loving anyone more, and I honestly just want to give him everything.

I'm always pleased to read threads like this, because I do feel a little guilty. But I'm overall very comfortable with our decision.

DownAndUnder · 05/12/2018 19:36

I was an old child until 12 years old and was fine. My DS will be an only child as I don’t have space/money/time for another. I have a condition that would make it hard to conceive now and it doesn’t bother me. I do occasionally feel bad that DS doesn’t have anyone to play with though!

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Families
NigelGresley · 05/12/2018 19:41

Having children is very selfish. The planet is too crowded!

Hmmm, we’ve never heard this before have we. HmmHmm
Having children at replacement rate is just fine. And it’s hardly selfish - I know loads of people who don’t have kids because they’d rather focus on themselves and keep the freedom to do what they like (which is NOT to say that everyone who chooses not to have children is like this)

By the way we are on MUMSNET. I wouldn’t bother to join piston heads and tell everyone they shouldn’t be owning cars.

MattMagnolia · 05/12/2018 19:50

My best friend had one by choice, to give her everything my friend lacked in a very deprived childhood. Then she had an unplanned second when her DD was eight. The big sister adored her little sister. My friend said nothing they could have bought her could have given DD1 the love and joy of her sibling.

ernjas · 05/12/2018 19:52

I'm an only child by my mums choice. She had me at 19 and never had more!

KrispyKremes · 05/12/2018 19:58

I'm an only child by choice.

And I have an only child by choice.

So clearly I didn't think it was some horrible upbringing.

I'm very close with my parents and my daughter is very close with my husband and I. We're a lovely little 3.

I figure why buy another ticket now I've won the lottery?

Minniemountain · 05/12/2018 20:29

DS is 5. After I had a MMC of planned DC2, we had more of a talk about it and realised that we had only said 2 as that's what everyone expects.

It's lovely to have time to do our own things and still give DS plenty of attention.

I can't have another now for medical reasons but it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 05/12/2018 20:36

Yes.We have ds age 4.He's a bright,handsome, cheeky little thing and he's enough for us.I had ds at 33 and had an awful labour and PND so that was a big part in our decision.We can afford to give him holidays abroad,treats,days out etc.We are happy with our unit of 3 and people are happy to babysit so we get regular adult time( around once a month).

MiaowMix · 05/12/2018 20:39

Yep me. Exactly same as @Ballbags situation. It's great. She's happy and confident with loads of friends. We're a v sociable family though and always go on holiday with mates.

Xansaf · 05/12/2018 20:44

Our daughter is 21 months and I know I don’t want another. I want to just focus on her. I’m worried I wouldn’t be able to be a good parent to two. I’m an only child and it never bothered me whereas DH is one of three and frankly would have been better off without his older siblings.

Octopus37 · 05/12/2018 20:46

TBH, although I had two, I can totally understand why people stop at 1. I love both my boys and I am going to get slated on here for saying what I'm about to say, but sometimes I think if I had stopped at 1:

I would be more in control and would have more time and would have been a better Mother. I was a better Mother when I just had one.
I would have more money.
I would have been able to get on my feet work wise more quickly.
I would have more time with DH, at the moment we have none
I would have a stronger bond with that child
It goes without saying that I would have a cleaner tidier house, would be more organised, less chaotic, more in control, possibly slimmer cause I could take care of myself better.

I have a friend who is the Mother of one girl who meets all of the above criteria. I have two boys, btw they are 11 and 8, not babies, but they flight all the time and bedtime is harder than ever.I know how awful what I have just said sounds but at the moment the grass is bit greener. Waits to be slated.

Octopus37 · 05/12/2018 20:47

Please note I am at the end of my tether tonight. Both boys were very much planned and wanted

luckylavender · 05/12/2018 20:48

I have one by choice. I'm also an only child if an only child. Works for me!

bookworm14 · 05/12/2018 20:54

Why would you come on a thread asking for stories about only children by choice and tell a story ending ‘nothing they could have bought her could have given DD1 the love and joy of her sibling’? Are you actively trying to make people feel shit?

stressedtiredbuthappy · 05/12/2018 20:56

This is a dilemma for me. I have one daughter, she's 2.5.
I had her via sperm donation so she has no family on her dads side and I'm an only child so no cousins either.
I have 4 embryos in storage.
I really don't think I want another child, the sleepless nights, lack of earnings, messy home etc.
My parents have been, and are great with my dd but they've made it clear they're too old to be hands on with another baby.
I feel awful as she won't have anyone but me, I'm still keeping hold of all my baby paraphernalia but deep down I'd be really happy with just my girl.
I don't know what the hell to do.

Crusoe · 05/12/2018 20:59

I’m an only by choice, so is my dh, we also have an only child ourselves. It’s normal for us, no regrets at all.
I’ve never been bothered about not having siblings at all. I love being a tight little triangle of 3.

ParkheadParadise · 05/12/2018 21:00

I had Dd1 at 15. Definitely didn't want anymore. I was the youngest of 6, so dd had plenty cousins to play with growing up.
Met DH when she was 13.
When Dd1 was 23 I had a surprise pregnancy didn't find out till I was nearly 5mths.
Sadly Dd1 died when I was 7mths pregnant with dd2.
Dd2 is 3 today.She will be our only child,although she does know she had a older sister.

Conventicle · 05/12/2018 21:01

bookworm, because Matt struggles with reading comprehension, or because she genuinely thinks we’ll see the error of our materialist ways and give our only children the ‘gift’ of a sibling, presumably.

Octopus37 · 05/12/2018 21:05

Parkhead that is so sad Flowers: Flowers

bookworm14 · 05/12/2018 21:15

Haha Coventicle - she’s got me pegged. Never mind the very good financial, health and other reasons we are sticking at one - clearly the only reason to have an only child is so you can afford more stuff!

Lasvegas · 05/12/2018 23:01

I only wanted one girl. 2 years after she arrived DH had the snip. No regrets not ever.

I hated having my sibling, swore to teenage self I would never inflict a sibling on my kid.

ThriftyMcThrifty · 06/12/2018 04:19

Interesting to read people saying they hated their siblings so had only children. I’m an extrovert and was very very lonely as an only child, so have had two and am pregnant with my third. I wonder if they will want to have just one though? Perhaps it goes in cycles - my mum was one of four and thought I should be grateful to be an only child.

BillywigSting · 06/12/2018 08:05

@ThriftyMcThrifty I think you might be really on to something there.

Purely anecdotally, of the six siblings my dad is part of, the most extroverted has three children, the least have none and the middling two have one each.

On my mum's side, she is very introverted and I am an only, whereas my aunt is very extroverted and has four. My other extroverted aunt wanted children but had fertility issues.

Oddly enough, I was (still am) a very happy only child and am very introverted (don't get me wrong I do like people and to socialise I just find it exhausting), my four cousins are all quite extroverted and love being in a busy house. We've all said we would hate how the other lives. I couldn't cope with the noise and they couldn't deal with the quiet.
Different strokes for different folks and all that I suppose!

ShatnersWig · 06/12/2018 08:22

This is another of those threads that comes up on here almost every other week and the same responses get churned out every time.

Lots of people have one by choice. It's THEIR choice. It's got fuck all to do with anyone else and anyone who makes any negative comment should politely be told to mind their own business but if they make a second comment told in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

The bollocks about "they will be lonely without a sibling" is just that. Bollocks. If they (as I did) have good friendships, they won't be lonely. And remember lots of siblings don't get on anyway.