Actual things I'e found myself saying since I've had young children....

[KitKat1985]

From today alone:

"DD2 why are you trying to put a garlic baguette in the cash machine?"

"Why is there an apple in your slipper?"

What ridiculous things o you find yourself saying?

No DS, I don't want your crisp in my drink thank you

FWIW, I would totally put a plastic fork in a huge poo. I'll have to put a fork in my bag on the offchance.

Ours is "Please don't put your finger in the dog's bumhole" and "Dog, stop cleaning DD's sinuses."

While I'm reading the latest on this thread
"stop eating Santa's Bell"

@SchadenfreudePersonified yes! Ha! A fork in the poo! Last year we were fascinated by a fungus growing out of a poo! Life just can't get any more interesting with stuff in poo can it?

For God's sake stop drinking out of the gutter!! my 4 year old standing under the gutter of a building with her mouth open

Just leaving this here for all the poo fans:

www.terrypratchettbooks.com/book/the-world-of-poo-discworld-novels/