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Original poster

Please please help

72 replies

Sosounhappy · 03/12/2018 01:16

I have a 16 year old daughter who is self harming. She hates me I can't even eat at the same table as her at meal times. She swears at me and constantly is rude. DH blames me for her self harming and gives into her tantrums. I just want to walk away and never go home again. I hate my life. I dream of my own quiet warm house

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Shriek · 03/12/2018 01:19

Very sad to hear this. How long have things been like this?

brizzledrizzle · 03/12/2018 01:20

Sorry that you are going through this. Here if you need to chat.

Original poster
Sosounhappy · 03/12/2018 01:23

Self harm since September seeing a physchologist. Hated me for ever it feels like. I am not sure how much more I can take. I do everything for her. She has so so much. I really don't know what to do. DH does nothing but moan and refuse to hrlp

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Original poster
Sosounhappy · 03/12/2018 01:25

She is totally destroying this family. I know she us struggling but she is becoming a monster. She demands and shouts DH gives in. Who cares what me and her brother want as long as she gets what she wants. I am physically and mentally exhausted

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BusterGonad · 03/12/2018 01:33

Your husband sounds really unhelpful, have you tried finding anyone to help? Maybe there is a specialist helpline you could ring? Have you taken her to the gp? Maybe being medicated would help if she has depression?

joopy79 · 03/12/2018 01:37

Call her school so they know, they can also organise counselling.
Could you do some family therapy?

Original poster
Sosounhappy · 03/12/2018 01:43

He won't do family therapy as he knows it all. He won't let me tell school. He just blames me I have to leave for my sanity

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endofthelinefinally · 03/12/2018 01:49

He doesn't have to let you tell school. You can .make an appointment and talk to them anyway.
Then you can make plans to separate from your husband.
How old is your son?
I think your husband would very quickly wake up if he had to take sole responsibility for your dd. With the school on board there is more chance she will get help.

Original poster
Sosounhappy · 03/12/2018 01:55

I will loose my dd he sees her dad as the nice parent. He is panicking as I have walked out. He has list his slave

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NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound · 03/12/2018 02:04

Leave and take your son with you. I'm sorry for you OP, I wish I had more to offer as support.

Blondie1984 · 03/12/2018 02:13

Often it's the ones we love the most that bizarrely we hurt the most too...
How often is she seeing CAMHS / a therapist?

brizzledrizzle · 03/12/2018 02:15

Like a pp said, you don't need his permission to tell the school. If you don't want to do that then speak to the gp to get advice of what to do next.

endofthelinefinally · 03/12/2018 02:26

Your dd needs help.
You need to force your husband's hand to get it for her.
IMO the quickest way to do that is to separate and be hinest with the school.
Your son has a right to be rescued from all this.
I speak from bitter experience.

Original poster
Sosounhappy · 03/12/2018 02:28

She is seeing a clinical psychologist weekly. I hope if I move in time ds would come. He is being totally sidelined by dh his and dd wishes come first

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Original poster
Sosounhappy · 03/12/2018 02:29

I think I am to hurt to live with her any longet. I love her to bits but am terrified of her

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Shinesweetfreedom · 03/12/2018 02:34

Oh lovey your husband sounds like no fucking help whatsoever and you have been totally ground down.In fact I wonder how much of her behaviour is his fault.
Do what you need to do for you and your son.If that means you both leave then so be it.

BusterGonad · 03/12/2018 02:40

Your husbands an ass hole, I agree that your daughters issues are NOT helped by him at all. I expect your daughter sees how dysfunctional things have become and is dealing with it the only way she knows how!

coppercolouredtop · 03/12/2018 02:45

As someone who has grownup kids and now works with lots of dysfunctional people.

Stop enabling her. Put your foot down. Do it now and make it clear that this behaviour does not and will not pay dividends. Walk and Ignore her demands for attention.

You will not help her by pandering to this .

Original poster
Sosounhappy · 03/12/2018 02:45

She is like a huge toddler but with fowl language and violence. I know she hates and have tried and tried. I think I have to accept we will never have a relationship. I think in time she will also turn on dh if he ever say no. That is normally my job. He will not cope with them practically he is very hands off and doesn't want to be involved in day to day mundan

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Original poster
Sosounhappy · 03/12/2018 02:46

Mundane stuff

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Original poster
Sosounhappy · 03/12/2018 02:47

I am not pandering he is he removes every boundary I put in every time I say no he says yes

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endofthelinefinally · 03/12/2018 02:48

Do not abandon your son. This isnt his fault.
Do you have anywhere you and ds can go?

Original poster
Sosounhappy · 03/12/2018 02:49

Not locally. I am not sure he would come he has heaheard me blamed and undermined for years. In time he might come when he realises the truth and things aren't done

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Penguinsetpandas · 03/12/2018 02:56

Could you go away for a few days? Left to do everything by themselves they might reconsider what they wished for. I have similar issues with DD and DH though she's not self harming. I dream about living alone too though want DS with me. Today I got called a bitch and sworn at more times than I can count. I tried to take her phone, she's violent to me and bigger than me if I try to get it. DH took her shopping for new trainers.

Original poster
Sosounhappy · 03/12/2018 03:00

That's how it started with my dd at the beginning of the year and got worse and worse I think dh would struggle this week as he is working away for 3 days. I am currently sat in the car and he has rang 10 times saying come home after telling me to go. I went for a week in may he begged me to come back promised things would change. Nothing dis

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