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Original poster

Is it cruel never to give a boy a gaming device?

65 replies

Obamallama · 02/12/2018 08:07

Odd question I know but people are making me feel like I don’t understand some unique position of boys.

I have girls and resisted giving them computers/consoles/phones/tablets until they started secondary school when I got them a phone and a chrome book. They have to leave both downstairs when they go to bed and can’t be on them during family time.

I’m pleased that until 11 they had v little access to tech and now still have limited access. I do think it’s contributed to their imaginations, happiness, levels of activity, time to do other things etc.

My youngest is a boy and I intend to do the same. However lots of people keep saying it’s cruel, saying that all the other 9 year old boys have consoles, saying he will feel left out and it will get worse as he gets older. I’m not convinced but would like opinions.

Is it hard on a boy not to have a console ever? Is just a phone and a chrome book at 11 going to make him a pariah? Do all boys talk about console games?

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 02/12/2018 08:09

I think that unfortunately, boys tend to socialise largely through gaming...messaging one another through it.

Whereas girls tend to use social media or simple texting.

All the boys I know through my 14 year old DD do a lot of gaming.

MaidenMotherCrone · 02/12/2018 08:13

Consoles do not require a penis to use one. They are not the antiChrist either.
Why would you not let your children have a computer though?

LizzieSiddal · 02/12/2018 08:17

If their friends had one then yes I would get them a console. But I’d do that whether they were boys or girls.

But I’d apply exactly the same rules as phones: strict rules about time spent on them and also not before bed time.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

9 year olds Families
Original poster
Obamallama · 02/12/2018 08:19

Maiden - I think with all my kids I have gone for limited computer access because I see too many kids addicted to screens. Also my own kids can be quite grumpy after just watching a bit too much TV and many parents tell me their kids are vile after too much screen time. Why therefore encourage more screen time? Parnets who have screen but limit screen time talk of constant arguments and bargaining over access. It just seems easier and nicer not to have any for as long as possible.

I’m definitely glad I held off with the girls and then set strict limits that are not negotiable. When I see what their fitness do on social media it horrifies me as I think it’s so unhealthy for them all. This isn’t a subjective opinion as there are plenty of studies linking social media and mental health problems in teens.

Maybe I should consider getting DS a console when he goes to secondary and setting the same limits as with his sisters and their phones.

OP posts:
VenusClapTrap · 02/12/2018 08:19

I don’t want my ds to have a games console either. He has the sort of addictive personality that means once he starts, that will be all he wants to do. Goodbye to all his other hobbies.

He’s six at the moment, so not many of his classmates have them yet, but it will start soon I’m sure. He’s put one on his Santa list (won’t be getting it).

Dd (8) on the other hand is not interested, and none of her friends seem to be either. Why is that?

Watching thread with interest.

Original poster
Obamallama · 02/12/2018 08:20

Friends not fitness.

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 02/12/2018 08:21

I don't think it's unreasonable to have the same rules for all your children regardless of their sex. Peer pressure (from other adults!) is no reason change your mind about how you feel about screens/devices.

pinkhorse · 02/12/2018 08:22

My ds is nearly 9 and has had consoles for a while. He has a headset and chats to all his mates online at weekends. It's all they talk about at school, I imagine anyone without one would feel very left out. It's such a big part of their social life.

RedDeadRoach · 02/12/2018 08:22

You should do for your son what you did for the girls. Anything else is sexist and unfair to the girls.

helpmum2003 · 02/12/2018 08:25

My 13yo doesn't have one. He socialises with friends at his sport activities and at friends' houses etc. I find supervising TV, computer and phone bad enough. The consoles seem very addictive and expensive.

It's been the right decision so far for us.

reallyanotherone · 02/12/2018 08:25

I wouldn’t have different rules for children of different sexes, no.

If you won’t let the girls have a console, it’s no for the boys too.

I don’t have one because i am the biggest gaming addict and once i get into a game i can’t put it down until it’s completed.

9 years old is too young. Secondary maybe, but i’d have a family unit that is played downstairs. No holing up in bedrooms for hours in end.

Wildboar · 02/12/2018 08:27

Has he asked for a console?

Original poster
Obamallama · 02/12/2018 08:27

To be fair my girls have never once asked for consoles, they just wanted phones, so I’ve never refused them a console IYSWIM.

OP posts:
SixToEightInchesOfSnow · 02/12/2018 08:27

Ds is 9 and has access to a PS4 but has literally used it 3 times in nearly a year. He does have a phone and iPad though so we’re not anti tech but not all boys are gaming mad!

Original poster
Obamallama · 02/12/2018 08:28

Wildboar - his Christmas list this year asks for a Ninetendo Switch and something else I can’t even remember. It’s the first time he’s asked for anything like this although he does love going to friends’ houses where they have gaming.

OP posts:
ifiwasabutterfly · 02/12/2018 08:31

DS is nearly 11 he has a switch and a PS4. I would say all his friends have a console. We do set limitations on it. He also does a lot of sport outside of school.

DD is 13 and obviously has access to the same consoles. To my knowledge she has never used them, absolutely no interest and I don't recall any of her friends ever being interested in gaming either.

Obviously there will be lots of girls who like gaming and lots of boys that don't but in my experience it is much more of a boy thing. As soon as his friends come over they either head to the PS4 or outside to play football. They do little else whilst they are here, it seems to be their way of socialising.

ifiwasabutterfly · 02/12/2018 08:32

@Obamallama if he is 9 then a lot of his friends may well have switches. They are a very popular console for that age group.

Happyandshiney · 02/12/2018 08:36

Some of this depends on the personality of the child.

I have boy/girl twins, 11 yo.

We’ve always had a console in the house because their Dad plays from time to time. They both play.

For the last few years they’ve also both had access to tablets.

We have no screen time limits.

They aren’t addicted to screens.

They do all sorts of other activities including multiple sports, reading, art, board games and Lego.

We’ve never had an argument over switching off a screen. If we ask for it to be switched off, it’s switched off. They don’t get grumpy or sulky.

As to whether it’s cruel or not to deprive them that’s probably subjective. And probably depends on the personality of your child.

I don’t allow Fortnite. Other parents have told me I’m “cruel”, because it’s all the kids (especially the boys) talk about.

My D.C. have pretty strong personalities, they can cope with not having the “in thing”, that might not be true for all children.

However I do question the wisdom of banning all tech.

We live in a technology laden world. The ability to comfortably use and understand technology will be important for pretty much any job they do.

The ability to self limit screen time is also important - and your strict time limits for your teenagers aren’t teaching them any self discipline in this area.

UserMe18 · 02/12/2018 08:37

Cruel? Obviously not. Necessary to ban? I don't think so. I'm not a fan of "we will not do this until X" like a pp says it's weighing up the personality of the child, my DS is very flakey, he will play on the Xbox for 20 minutes and then be off to the park or with his toys. I've never put any special weight on the console, by saying he can have one on X birthday I think he'll crave it, put it on a pedestal and more likely to over use when he gets one. Console is just one of the toys available. Hes not obsessing over it or feeling left out as he has the option there. He's not allowed on it on a school night and it's not online (he's 8) I won't let him go online until I understand it all but he doesn't seem fussed yet so not worrying about it. How about a family console you could plat together in a shared space?

Happyandshiney · 02/12/2018 08:38

I forgot to say that in my experience the majority of both boys and girls participate in gaming but that it forms a greater part of the boys social life than the girls.

Original poster
Obamallama · 02/12/2018 08:39

UderMe - I don’t think we would all play to. Neither DH nor I have ever played a console game in our life and the girls aren’t interested. If we did get one I would keep it in a family area though.

OP posts:
knowingkaleidoscope · 02/12/2018 08:40

I think if computer access is monitored properly then it isn't an issue for a child to use one. My eldest is 7 and most of his friends now do have a gaming console.

Momasita · 02/12/2018 08:43

Tricky one, I held off for dc 1 until 7 or 8 and I was sure other hobbies were well established, for the first year she was not glued to it but loved it but she still did other things
Now it's just another small part of her life. Her friends that come round who have limited tv and tech are glued to ours like zombies! Honesty even if tv on in background mine don't watch, their eyes are glued! You can rally tell the ones who don't get it at home.

With dc 2, I had to give in earlier... Because she wanted what 1st had. It was never her 1 toy.. It slotted straight into its place.. It's never been over used both do more of other things

We then brought x box and it's been brilliant but we don't have for nite those type of games are not what my dc would enjoy...

Dontbestupidagain · 02/12/2018 08:45

My ds1 is 13 and ds2 is 8. We have a shared console in the house. They both have limited screen time especially ds2. I don't think it has affected them at all and I think your rules thus far would be absolutely fine.

UserMe18 · 02/12/2018 08:45

Obamallama

Maybe it would be nice to make an effort to, there are some fun family games, especially the switch. I'm sure your teenagers won't resist no matter their gender, I was never a gamer but have great memories of playing with my brother on his consoles.