Do you actively teach your children “life skills”?

[Notcontent]

Was just reading a thread about someone who can’t cook or do various other things around the house. Not for the first time it occurred to me that actually, a lot of the things that we do in daily life like cooking, shopping for food, sewing on a button, etc may seem easy or obvious, but not if you have never done them before!

Looking back, I think I learned a lot of things by seeing my parents do them, although I think something like looking also requires a lot of practice. Do you think there is a danger that future generations will become more incompetent, as most children (at least the ones I know) seem to do very little at home?

Not in my house! Mine have been cooking and baking with me since they were little, help to change their beds, clear up after themselves etc at least a bit because I insist on it. They have plenty of free time too. But they use quite a bit of that towards earning Cubs and Brownie badges which are often practical skills-based too.

However I’m widowed and my DH was able to fit our kitchen and bathroom and was great at carpentry etc and now my kids can’t learn that from him 😔😔. DS in particular would LOVE to and it makes me sad because he really struggles at school and I’d love him to have a trade. Hopefully he still will.

My Ds is very much taught . Because I am ill today more has been expected . He has washed and dried dishes , made me s drink, put washing out to dry , rubbish and tidied his room . I don’t expect him to do this much normally but do except him to have the skills to do it.

My children cook for themselves because both dh and I get home late from work. My youngest is 12. Sometimes I get home and they have baked a cake for dinnerbut at least they can cook and bake from scratch.

Yes, I’d feel awful if they left home unable to cook, make a bed, wash clothes

I left home at 18 with no life skills at all, it was hard working out how to do basic stuff. So I have taught the kids how to do cleaning, cooking, shopping, basic house maintenance. I don’t expect them to do loads every day, though they do help out, but they need to know basic stuff, it’s important.

Isn't that just part of ordinary parenting? If they can do it themselves they do?

I do. i won't be sending my children out into the world thinking that the bins empty themselves and the magic fairy picks dirty clothes up off the floor.
i have been a bit slack about teaching them to cook, I hate everything about it and have no skills to pass on. I don't want them living on biscuits and toast in the future so I need to get on this. We have a chores rota, I should probably have a cooking rota as well.

I think the idea that you can't do those things if you've never been shown is just quite a crap excuse, really. I did very little at home as a child/teen (which I don't think is ideal in other ways, and I will aim to do things differently with my own child) and I figured it out very quickly when I got to university because using a washing machine, cooking a simple meal and shopping for food are all pretty straightforward things. You get better at them with practice, but anyone claiming they cannot work out how to use a washing machine without being shown is either lying or struggling with a serious learning difficulty. If you really can't work it out from the labels on the front just Google it. Same with cooking. I once saw a poster on here report that her DH 'couldn't cook pasta' because he didn't know how. That is blatantly untrue - he didn't want to learn.

I've taught mine. After having a very lazy and useless exh, I'm making sure my sons are capable of doing their bit for themselves and their partner.

Yup, I taught my two DDs life skills. They spent the first weeks at uni teaching other students how to work the washing machine, cook meals and change a plug! They were horrified at just how incapable a lot of their contemporaries were.
Mind you, their dad died when they were babies and I raised them alone while working full time, so they were used to mucking in with chores and diy from very young.

LisaSimpson - i don’t know - I actually think that sometimes if you have never seen someone do something in real life (as opposed to seeing it on TV, etc) then it might seem daunting. The classic thing is cleaning - some people really struggle with cleaning and tidying their house, because they have never seen it done.

Do you think there is a danger that future generations will become more incompetent, as most children (at least the ones I know) seem to do very little at home?

I think you have a bit of a narrow sample you've been looking at.

I think - like always - there are young people leaving home from all sorts of different families with all sorts of different skill sets with all sorts of different experiences.

My dc were lucky enough to learn lots of things at Cubs and Scouts as well as at home. They have been quite surprised at the lack of life skills of some fellow students they've met in first year away from home, but I think that has ever been the way. I've know more than one 80 yr old man who had no idea how to boil an egg. It isn't a "young people of today" thing.

Plus, (much more generational) you can find a video on the internet or a forum, to teach you how to do almost anything now, so, statistically, I'd say the opposite of what you are suggesting, if there is a change.

Yes. I see my role as a parent as enabling the DCs to become independent and survive without me - life skills is a key part of that.

I do, actively! When my DC were younger they used to get £1 for reliably mastering a new life skill. They used to get hugely excited about it, would ask if something qualified as a life skill and would practice it furiously. It was a very cheap way of getting them to learn things enthusiastically - am thinkihg back with nostalgia about them practising emptying the dishwasher to be able to show they could do it to £1 levels. Showing they could swim a length, Dd being able to brush and tie back her own hair, etc. DS has just got his provisional licence and I told him he would get £1 for passing his driving test!

You do realise this is mumsnet? It is only a matter of time before somebody comes along to boast about their DC baking artisanal bread whilst still in utero.

My lovely mum, now no longer with us, did almost everything for me and my brother but we were always at her skirt tails so to speak and must have picked up a lot by osmosis, I left for uni able to make simple meals, iron, clean, launder etc even though my mum had never really shown us. DD is just 10 and again I expect very little of her domestically but she seems to have even less interest than I did, being a dreamy type and completely uninterested in food, I won’t let her leave home unable to cook a bit or use a washing machine though!!

I'm not that bothered about it. I left home unable to cook, use a washing machine, iron and didn't have a clue how to do anything domestic other than dust, Hoover, polish silver (my parents have a lot of silver candlesticks) and make a bed. This was in pre-mobile, internet days so no useful YouTube videos. It was still pretty easy to work it out for myself.
I did have a moment of feeling slightly embarrassed last week when, for some reason which I haven't quite got to the bottom of, 9yo DD had to do some washing up and didn't have a clue what washing up liquid was as she's never done the dishes by hand. However, she can explain the advantages and disadvantages of fixed v variable rate mortgages which is likely to be of more use to her well, if she can ever afford a house that js

I’m sure it is not just with the younger generation though. My FIL can’t cook / won’t cook and refuses to learn. MIL has enabled him throughout their entire marriage by doing all the cooking and household admin/ finances etc so consequently he is crap at all the above and refuses point blank at aged 78 to be any different or learn. Heaven only knows what he will be like if he is forced to get on with these things if anything happens to MIL. She always moans to me about him when she visits on her own, and I know he won’t change. He is very frustrating and it is a right pain to see him being so bloody stubborn about refusing to learn and getting defensive at her when she tries to teach him, and he can’t do it. I genuinely think he must have some serious mental learning deficit as he can’t seem to grasp even using a computer properly or email, let alone using a sodding cash machine or buying ingredients for a meal. My DD who is 7 would cope better in life than him. He is so child-like, how the hell he got to that age and how he managed to get away with it for so long is beyond me. My MIL must be seriously enabling him in some ways, I guess. All a bit odd.

Having said all that...

I was hopeless when I left home at 18 to go to uni, and many of my flat mates were equally dreadful at cooking, washing up, tidying etc. Whether they had all been as mollycoddled as me, I don’t know, but we all had to learn pretty blimmin’ quickly. Nothing like a baptism of fire to get you learning fast!

We're actively teaching ours.
It's not just about doing the tasks, as most of them are simple- it's also about organisation and knowing what needs doing.
Meal planning and then shopping; putting washing on each day; tidying up as you go- that kind of thing. I helped a lot as a child, but I was always dictated to- " do this now" sort of thing. Once I grew up and got the freedom to choose I ended up struggling.
I try to give mine general areas of responsibility, so they have to consider what needs doing.
They get pocket money on the condition that their bedrooms are tidy on a Saturday. They don't have to do the tidying on Saturday, it just has to be tidy. They're gradually learning to have a quick whip round each day so they never have to tidy a massive amount!

I don't understand how people could grow up (either 20/30 years ago) or in this day and age and not see people cleaning or washing up?!

My DS is not quite 2 but it is something I am very aware of. He already likes helping with baking as he likes pouring the ingredients into the bowl, and stirring and is a dab hand at putting the cupcake cases into the tin... although I have to wrestle the tin off of him before he takes them all out again!

I have family where 2 siblings have very different levels of life skills and it is simply because one took an interest and likes to help and the other doesn't. Seeing that has made me realise that some things need to be taught and I'd rather that my son could make a cup of tea before he is 15 without risk of burns!

Ours could a all cook. All understood financial management reasonably well. I thought we’d done ok until the youngest went to university. Three weeks in she told us proudly that she’d taken her bedding off and along with her pile of clothes taken them all to the laundry. She’d even remembered to put her name on the laundry bag.
Poor lamb hadn’t realised there was no matron or laundry lady and couldn’t understand why this bag of dirty washing was still there, untouched, two days later.

DS is 3 and since 2 will feed the cat (lavishly!), put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket or stuff them into the washing machine, scoop in washing powder, pass pegs or clothes when hanging out, sweep the floor (very badly ) and wipe up spills (also haphazardly). He loves spraying cleaner and wiping with a cloth so I made him up his own spray bottle of coloured water.
At 3 he will collect empty plates and bring them to the kitchen. He tucks in his 6mo twin siblings at any opportunity. He carries bags and unpacks shopping. He likes cutting vegetables and mixing cakes. (He can also create an astonishing level of chaos so he's no domestic miracle.)
I am working on getting him to dress himself and also practising zebra crossings.

most of these things aren't rocket science. I grew up cooking but the kind of food my mother cooked (traditional, seasonal Irish cooking from years ago). I never ate pasta or rice or sauces until I left home. I learned how to cook them no problem and these are the dishes I cook most now. Anyone can learn how to cook a basic meal. Ditto cleaning. How hard is it to take soap, hot water, and scrub? People have been doing it for centuries now.

Those "life skills" are good to teach as a basic concept but no adult can reasonably say "I let my partner do all the shit jobs because my mummy didn't teach me how" We all know why they are letting their partner do the shit jobs and it has nothing to do with mum failing to teach them how to put on a wash.

More important lesson to teach your children is that they are responsible for themselves and they need to be considerate and kind to those they live with - and that the people they love should get more kindness and consideration than everyone else, not less.

I think what starlight said is about right. I don't expect DS to do these things all the time, but I do expect him to be able to do them if the need arises.
I think you're doing a massive disservice to your children if you send them out into the world without such basic skills, even if you fully and totally believe they will have a lifestyle that means they are unlikely to ever have to do it themselves.