Do you actively teach your children “life skills”?

[Notcontent]

Was just reading a thread about someone who can’t cook or do various other things around the house. Not for the first time it occurred to me that actually, a lot of the things that we do in daily life like cooking, shopping for food, sewing on a button, etc may seem easy or obvious, but not if you have never done them before!

Looking back, I think I learned a lot of things by seeing my parents do them, although I think something like looking also requires a lot of practice. Do you think there is a danger that future generations will become more incompetent, as most children (at least the ones I know) seem to do very little at home?

Not purposefully, but my DC will for example, help me while I cook or clean (which is how I learnt) or come shopping with me and see me comparing prices etc and I'll say to them that that one isn't a good deal - look at the price per kg, or say that minced lamb is reduced, we've got an aubergine in the fridge that we didn't use from the ratatouille, let's make moussaka etc.

They know in theory how to make a cup of tea and how to bleach the loo etc, but I've not tested them out yet!

My DD is only 3, but I'm teaching her age appropriate tasks and have done so from when she could toddle.

She helps me do the washing, puts her plates/bowls/cups in the dishwasher, tidies up her toys, helps me strip her bed, makes her bed, wipes up any spills/messes she's made while eating.

She really tries her best, bless her heart. I almost want to jump in sometimes and say 'I'll do that!' but she's become fiercely independent and is only happy when she's done the job.

Wouldn't feel happy with myself if she left home without the basic skills needed to survive!

I’m loving the teens who bake a cake for dinner and the 9yo who can explain mortgages! brilliant!

Yes, cooking of course, from helping to make cakes as toddlers to being able to cook family meals by 12, both follow recipes well (now young adults) but crucially know how to turn random ingredients into nutritious meals. By 16 they knew how to do laundry, I've taught them budgeting, how tax and ni works. Dd1 knows how to manage her benefits (she gets pip). They know about insurance, council tax, comparison sites for utilities. When dd2 leaves home in a year she will be self sufficient apart from money (dd1 is autistic so may not leave home for other reasons)

Dd is 18 and moved out to Uni in August. I actually 😱 and worried for her as despite my best efforts she was a lazy person. However she meal plans, batch cooks then freezes her meals as she often gets in after 6. Cleans her bathroom and bedroom.

However she still does SFA at home when she's back visiting 😡

Yes. I want my dcs to be independent,

Moving away to uni at 18 made me get to grips with a lot of things.

I don’t understand why I people wouldn’t. DS isn’t 2 yet but he knows how to help put his toys away, and helps to load the washing machine and to put his clean clothes away, and he knows if there’s rubbish on the beach we pick it up. (Coastal town)

My mil brought up her sons to do fuck all because that's what their wives are there for. Mil would be turning in her grave now as my dh is very practical so her plan back fired! . We're bringing up dc to be independent because imo a capable adult being dependent upon another for meals etc is weak & pathetic.

My mum came from a poor family with six children. Her mother died when she was 15 so she had to look after her younger siblings. She was a good cook and great at making something from nothing but rubbish at general cleaning and tidying. She never showed me and years later I do my best but I am rubbish at housework. I would feed you well though so perhaps you won't notice !

Yes I did. As adults, they now have some areas in which they massively outstrip my skill set and others where they don’t. But I taught them both the basics and also let them experiment and practise with minimal input, so they learnt from their mistakes.
I have no idea why other parents choose not to, it’s illogical, doesn’t make them effective learners when independent and stunts their learning.

My parents (well, my mother) tried endlessly to teach me life skills - ironing, cooking, basic housekeeping, sewing buttons on, etc - and I never paid any attention or learned anything. It drove my mother up the wall, but it all just seemed so incredibly boring to me, I couldn't make myself care. Eventually when it began to seem important to give the impression of being a competent adult (around age 30 or so) I taught myself the basics from YouTube. You have more than one chance in your life to learn to iron.

Oh, well, if you're counting 'them seeing you do it occasionally' as 'actively teaching life skills' then I suppose I did have that, but that's surely not what most people mean by that phrase?

My 18 month old loves emptying the dishwasher!

My life goal is to teach the kids how to do everything, then sit back and relax while they do all the chores for pocket money. Can't wait until they can mix a good G&T 😀

Obviously from a very naive mother of younger kids, not teens!!!

When mine learnt to use the kettle it was bliss! Until the novelty wore off 😬

By the time I left home I was doing dinner every weekday, the ironing and putting away clothes for family of 5. The only issue I had on being a student was getting amounts right as used to cooking for 5.

Yes I think that’s it . There is a pre school age they really want to help . It’s just role play to them . My own Ds used to bed to clean the toilet so I let him .
He still willl do it occasionally now but has had to be retaught now in secondary school.

He also can cook following a recipe . I am now trying to teach him the basic meals , how to make a stew, how to make a basic roast. Basic dishes from what you have in.

My DM would never let any of us touch anything in the kitchen etc. She made out it was because she such a great mum that she looked after us so well, but actually its because she is quite a control freak and thought we were useless and slow and didn't do it right.

I left home at 16 with no life skills. My brothers were still at home well into their forties, still unable to look after themselves, still believing they couldn't do it if they tried.

IMO teaching life skills early is essential, not just for the skill, but also for gaining the confidence to know you can take care of yourself. My brother's low self esteem is a result of being made to feel useless, and now he is too scared to try.

I have encouraged DD to help around the house from when she was a toddler. Yes it takes twice as long to get it done and it makes a mess, but I am not going to tell her "you can't do that", she will get better with practice.

Oh, well, if you're counting 'them seeing you do it occasionally' as 'actively teaching life skills' then I suppose I did have that

Me too. It didn't help at all.

Actively doing a task is so different to watching someone experienced do it and thinking Oh that looks easy...

^It's not just about doing the tasks, as most of them are simple- it's also about organisation and knowing what needs doing.
Meal planning and then shopping; putting washing on each day; tidying up as you go- that kind of thing.^

I agree with this ^
I stole a friend's idea of getting mine to make an evening meal each, each week from when they were about 11. Different from 'one off' cooking a meal like a cookery lesson. They learned things like - if you haven't put a not on the shopping list when something is running low, then it is likely it won't be there when you need it next time. Things like you can adapt / change recipes when you haven't put an ingredient on the shopping list and you can create meals from store cupboard ingredients, and what you can store in fridge and what you can freeze for another day and what you can or can't use past it's 'BBE' date, etc,etc Things like some things can go in the tumble drier and others can't, from getting them to do that job now and then - they might still check labels or send me the odd text to check one thing but they know to check.

It’s such a shame when young people leave home without these basic skills, though thankfully we now have Google and YouTube.

Both my parents like to cook and both did housework so I learned from them, plus I spent a lot of time with my grandparents and I helped them around the house and in the garden. So by the time I left primary, I could cook some meals, sew, do laundry and iron, change lightbulbs and wire plugs, and dig tatties.

When I first went to uni I was amazed at the lack of basic life skills many of my friends had and used to run basic sewing and repair tutorials in exchange for cider. I was excited to be running my own home once I moved out of halls, and if I was stuck I just called my Gran. Always been able to do basic home repairs, never had to rely on a man for these. I did used to get laughed at by former colleagues, however, when they heard about my clothes mending pile and button box (just buy new!) and also about my boiling bones for soup.

I teach life skills to my own children and other children every working day.

It’s necessary and very rewarding

My fil doest cook either, the joke is fish and chips when Mil is away.
But, Mil is house wife and has no other role so she has viciously defended the kitchen as that's her job 🙄. Dh couldn't cook a single thing when I met him.
Now he really enjoys cooking, I think he has areal flair for it and finds it relaxing. Shame he wasn't allowed to cook earlier.

I was showing dc again yesterday how to do washing from start to finish. We talk about house budgeting and I hope they will just become part of life.

I wonder why you’re asking this?

As a (former) researcher, I’d say that if you are looking for anecdotal evidence of a trend towards children gradually becoming less independent and able to do basic ‘life skills’ than the generation above them, then I think you are very much barking up the wrong tree.

There’s no evidence that I’ve seen that a whole generation today’s children aren’t being taught life skills.

I’d say that there is a trend towards ensuring children are more exposed to learning the basic skills to ‘life life well and independently’, due to direct experience with adults who have been brought up incapable, truly hampered or with the (gendered) excuse of learned helplessness.

Skills outside the house, too. I am teaching both dds how to safely use public transport, to know their way around our local area on foot etc. Plus the usual dishwasher, laundry, cooking stuff.