Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What do I do with this information? (suicide trigger warning)

54 replies

NormanFuckingRockwell · 01/12/2018 10:46

My boyfriend (of 6 months) has told me that he will kill himself one day. I know we haven't been together long but it's been very intense and it feels like I've known him for a lot longer. He has children and I have a child too.

He doesn't have any immediate plans to do it but he knows for sure that suicide will be the way he goes. I love him but now I'm living in fear that one day I'm going to receive the news that he's gone. It's all just so painful to think about.

What on earth do I do?

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 01/12/2018 10:48

Dump and run.

It will be a control he will have over you.

Abitlost2015 · 01/12/2018 10:51

Tell him he needs to say those same words to his GP. You can help him go and have the conversation if he feels he needs support. If he is not willing to engage with health care professionals you should step aside (or run for the hills as they say here) as there is more than suicidal ideation going on, it is a very unhealthy statement to make to a partner.

chickywoo · 01/12/2018 10:51

I think that people that talk about it like that aren’t the ones the actually do it, strange thing for him to say though, an indication of some undealt with stuff from the past? You could try and talk about it with him? Depends how much you like him - I would run Confused

Original poster
NormanFuckingRockwell · 01/12/2018 11:11

He won't see his GP about it and he says the more he thinks I'll talk him out of it, the less he'll discuss it with me. So am I just supposed to ignore it until the day it happens? Confused

OP posts:
Spam88 · 01/12/2018 11:22

Honestly, given my previous experience of an 'intense' relationship, I would leave him.

IHaveAPen · 01/12/2018 11:24

Run.

I say this with experience.

Today you will think you can help.
6 months you'll become weary
A year from now it will feel like a prison you can't escape from for fear of it being 'your fault for leaving'

Go now. Don't look back.

Pavlova31 · 01/12/2018 11:26

I would leave too Op.
I agree with the above poster that there is the possibility he could use this to control you.

SnuggyBuggy · 01/12/2018 11:27

You can't solve his problems and you need to put your child first. He needs to get some help before he is ready for a relationship

Oliversmumsarmy · 01/12/2018 11:28

There are alternative to waiting for it to happen.

You could just walk away.

You can't live your life like that.

It is a form of control.

He knows exactly what he is doing.

I lived with a parent who said the same. So if you do anything wrong or something that person disapproves of then the threat is there that your actions are bringing the idea of suicide closer.

As far as I am aware they are still alive and in their 80s. Just making other peoples lives a misery but not mine

HashTagLil · 01/12/2018 11:33

Finish the relationship now.

Porpoises · 01/12/2018 12:02

That sounds pretty controlling of him. What's the rest of the relationship like?

Oliversmumsarmy · 01/12/2018 12:11

You won't be able to book a holiday or tickets for anything, plan a meal out or buy birthday or Christmas presents.

You will never be able plan ahead because he could be dead

It depends on how you want to live your life.

I know I have lived like that and could never do it again and wouldn't recommend it. You end up not knowing if you are coming or going

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 01/12/2018 12:14

I feel that way too. It isn't imminent or anything but I know that my resources for coping are finite and I will kill myself one day. He shouldn't have said it to you though, that isn't something you should have hanging over you.

TroyKing · 01/12/2018 12:14

Suicidal people are very much in the now and how they are feeling/suffering.

To casually inform someone that they will one day off themselves is a manipulation technique to make you feel obligated in making sure he is ok and sticking around. Also in not upsetting him in case he kill s himself.

That is the behaviour of a selfish and manipulative man and given that you have children it's best that you keep him away from them if not yourself.

WTFIsAGleepglorp · 01/12/2018 12:16

Leave.

It's emotional blackmail and he's holding you hostage.

Run as far and as far as you possibly can.

AnyFucker · 01/12/2018 12:17

Thete are childten mixed up in this "intense" fucked up situation.

Put them first, get out of this situation and next time make sure you ate not hooking up with someone who will damage them

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 01/12/2018 13:09

I had a boyfriend a bit like this when I was 20. It was all part of the ‘tortured artist’ schtick but the result was that it kept me in my place.

I’d dump to be honest.

Zulor · 01/12/2018 13:23

It's attention seeking emotional manipulation. You don't just say 'you know, some day I'm going to kill myself'. It's not a feeling that you can envisage for the future. It's the equivalent of saying, you know what, one day I'm going to get cancer.
I'm usually sympathetic to MH problems, moreso than most posters, but in this case I agree with everyone else - get out and the sooner the better.

Zulor · 01/12/2018 13:24

And it's a fucking batshit thing to say anyway, so for that reason alone even, run like fuck.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 01/12/2018 13:26

As others have said, that is emotional blackmail. You may see it now but, as time goes by he will ramp it up until you don't know day from night. He will make his life happiness your responsibility and that, simply, is controlling and abusive!

Neither you nor your child deserve to live in thrall to this man. So walk away, right now!

OneToThree · 01/12/2018 13:27

Who says that! Very odd. Run away fast and don’t look back.

DowntonCrabby · 01/12/2018 13:33

I don’t buy it.

The likelihood is that this is a massive control issue- in which case you should get out as fast as possible.

Even if he is struggling so badly with his MH and believes that one day he will carry this out, YOU, YOUR CHILD and YOUR MH are your priority so although it’s awful you still need to leave.

Also if he does really feel like this and is therefore able to aknowledge these thoughts, it’s very selfish of him not to seek professional help, he has children too.

joystir59 · 01/12/2018 13:34

I am a mental health first aider- it isn't true that people who talk about suicide don't actually do it- they do. You should talk to him about when and how he plans to kill himself- does he have vague feelings of wanting to not be alive any more or is he stock piling pills or sussing out methods on the internet? Tell him that you cannot promise to keep what he says to yourself. If he is in imminent danger call 111 and take their advice. Do not carry on a relationship with someone who tells you this and then says he won't talk to you about it- that's completely unfair. but do urge him to seek help from his GP- he will get counselling quickly if he is threatening suicide, and may need medication.

Fortheloveofscience · 01/12/2018 13:35

Get out now. This will not be a healthy relationship for you and isn’t someone you’ll want your DC becoming close to.

Original poster
NormanFuckingRockwell · 01/12/2018 14:55

Unfortunately I think most of you are right in saying that it's a form of control Sad

He said that it's less likely to happen as long as I'm in his life. I need to end this and hope that he doesn't stick to his word.

OP posts: