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Original poster

What do I do with this information? (suicide trigger warning)

54 replies

NormanFuckingRockwell · 01/12/2018 10:46

My boyfriend (of 6 months) has told me that he will kill himself one day. I know we haven't been together long but it's been very intense and it feels like I've known him for a lot longer. He has children and I have a child too.

He doesn't have any immediate plans to do it but he knows for sure that suicide will be the way he goes. I love him but now I'm living in fear that one day I'm going to receive the news that he's gone. It's all just so painful to think about.

What on earth do I do?

OP posts:
HappyHedgehog247 · 01/12/2018 15:00

It’s not true that people who talk about suicide don’t do it. (I’m an MH professional). Many people who commit suicide have told someone they plan to do this.

However, it’s also a well trodden part of emotional abuse and control. I would recommend you leave. You may want to plan a bit in advance eg is there anyone you can tell. What will you do if if he texts/calls you and says he is going to do it?

franke · 01/12/2018 15:01

Well even if he does stick to his word, it won't be your fault. I agree with everyone here that you should leave, but if you think there's any credibility to his threat then perhaps confide in someone close to him such as his parents - it will either get him the help he needs and some support for his kids, or it will show him up for the controlling creep that he is.

MrsTommyBanks · 01/12/2018 15:16

So he is already, after 6 months, controlling you by threatening suicide?
I think you end it, and any contact from him saying he has attempted suicide then you tell the police who will do a welfare check. Every single time.
I have MH issues, I would never ever threaten anyone that I will end my life if they leave me.
I've also been in a relationship with a very controlling and eventually abusive man. He used exactly the same weapon to control me.
At first I went all out to get him support. He didn't engage, he didn't want to. He wanted me to do exactly what he wanted. When I didn't the emotional abuse stepped up.
Then the beatings started.
I left and it was a year of sheer hell.
That's when my MH issues started, and I've still got them. Anxiety, severe depression and PTSD.
Leave now, stand firm. Be prepared for a shit load of aggro. And read up on non molestation orders.
I wish you well Flowers

brizzledrizzle · 01/12/2018 15:19

Leave. He's sounding like a manipulative control freak who has nothing that you need in your life.

WhyAmISoCold · 01/12/2018 16:22

If he 'sticks to his word that is NOT your fault OP. It's his issue. Sounds like he's using it as a form of control.

Oliversmumsarmy · 01/12/2018 16:34

He said that it's less likely to happen as long as I'm in his life. I need to end this and hope that he doesn't stick to his word

If he does stick to his word than that is up to him. His actions and mental health are his responsibilities not yours.

Angrybird345 · 01/12/2018 17:13

Walk away ...

BrokenWing · 01/12/2018 17:24

He is trying to make you feel responsible for keeping him alive, a horribly cruel controlling thing to do to someone you are supposed to care about whether you mean it or not.

Leave before you waste anymore time on this guy, maybe inform his parents/family of his threat so they are aware and can intervene if they want to. If he does do anything it is not your responsibility.

Broken11Girl · 01/12/2018 17:38

Oh FFS the myths that people who talk about suicide won't do it, and mentioning suicide is abusive. Yup people with mental health problems are scum who should be shunned and no-one should ever have a relationship with.

Porpoises · 01/12/2018 17:41

Broken11girl - plenty of posters on this thread have their own mental health problems. But we recognise the difference between asking for support and controlling behaviour.

empmalswa · 01/12/2018 17:44

he says the more he thinks I'll talk him out of it, the less he'll discuss it with me

Yet he told you. He didn't have to. He is being emotionally abusive. I would suggest he gets help, tell him you are not that help, and end the relationship. There is no happy future.

Omzlas · 01/12/2018 17:44

He'll end up using it as a way to control you - you've already stated that he's less likely to do it with you in his life (words to that effect)

This comes from a place of concern - dump. Dump and run. You are not his conscience and you will not be held responsible for the actions of another human. It's not fair or right.

I can't see the relationship ending well OP

woollyheart · 01/12/2018 17:44

Even though it is only 6 months, he is already saying that you are responsible for keeping him alive.

It sounds as though suicide is never far from his thoughts. If he is saying this, there is a chance that he will do this.

For your own mental health, you should refuse to carry on with this relationship unless he speaks to his GP and gets help with his mental health issues.

It is an unacceptable burden that he is putting on you. There is no way you can keep him healthy and alive. I agree with others that this is very unpleasant controlling behaviour.

Would you feel it was reasonable to threaten someone else like this? Especially someone you say that you care about? No, you wouldn't treat your worst enemy like this.

BringMeTea · 01/12/2018 17:46

This is a grade A get rid situation OP. You will rue the day if you stay with this man.

MadameJosephine · 01/12/2018 17:54

His mental health is not your responsibility OP. For your sake and you child run like the wind!

Oliversmumsarmy · 01/12/2018 18:03

I would be wary of staying in case he decided to take me with him.

BrokenGirl

This isn’t about MH problems this is about abuse

Omgineedanamechange · 01/12/2018 18:09

You tell him you can’t live with that threat hanging over your head, then you Run Like The Fucking Wind.

When he contacts you to say he’s going to do it (and he will) call the police and tell them where he is, and what he’s saying. Let them deal with it.

Speaking from experience here. Do not get drawn in.

AtrociousCircumstance · 01/12/2018 18:12

What a controlling arsehole. Dump immediately.

What he chooses to do with his life is up to him. He is not your responsibility.

PurpleWithRed · 01/12/2018 18:14

Another vote for Run. If he was asking you for help to control his suicidal thoughts that would be one thing, but he has already made you responsible for his life and that is coercive control, not love.

You and your child deserve better.

MrsTommyBanks · 01/12/2018 18:39

@Broken11Girl no where has anyone said that. No Where.

AtrociousCircumstance · 01/12/2018 18:51

Brokengirl you’ve got the wrong angle on this. Posters aren’t criticising suicidal people or people with MH problems. This person announced he definitely will kill himself soon but if the OP stays with him it’s less likely. That is a direct attempt at toxic control and should be treated as such.

Jozen · 01/12/2018 19:03

Your mental health and the mental health of your child will suffer if you stay in this relationship. Look after yourselves and start making plans to end this emotionally abusive relationship.
Call on friends, family and support services if you suspect there will be difficulties ahead. Good luck.

Villanellesproudmum · 01/12/2018 19:11

Leave, he is laying the seeds of a controlling relationship. I doubt he will follow it through, if he does his decision not yours. Leave leave leave.

AnoukSpirit · 01/12/2018 19:14

Oh dear, op. You're right this is about control not suicide.

As is the super intense start to the relationship. Followed by this makes it transparently controlling and abusive.

I think you might benefit from doing the Freedom Programme before you embark on any future relationships. Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Do not delay in calling the police and/or Women's Aid (0808 2000 247) if he escalates when you end things.

And for the record, I write this as someone who's been the suicidal person. The man in this post isn't suicidal, he's abusive.

formerbabe · 01/12/2018 19:22

Fgs...you have a child. Put them first and walk away.

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