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Original poster

Find out or have a surprise?

95 replies

Bunnymumma · 30/11/2018 15:58

DH and I have been planning to find out the sex of our bub all along, but have both suddenly thought that maybe a surprise would be nice. Our nursery is going to be all white and green, so no 'gendered colour' issues to worry about at all.

What did you all do? We kind of think that it won't change anything by knowing, so shall we just keep it quiet on Monday or find out? x

OP posts:

0lgaDaPolga · 01/12/2018 18:13

I have found out both times. I’m really glad I did. Had a really difficult birth first time and all the docs and midwives were busy dealing with the complications I was having. At one point one of the doctors said something like ‘you did know it is a boy, right? If that had been how I’d found out it would have been a huge anticlimax. When we found out at our private scans both times it was a lovely moment and I don’t regret it for a second

Montsti · 01/12/2018 18:22

I found out with all 4 of mine but wish at least one had been a surprise...

I would say, as it’s your 1st then don’t find out...I would’ve done but I’m ashamed to say that I had a preference and I didn’t want to be disappointed at the birth...

username48693727283 · 01/12/2018 22:03

I found out with my DD however if I was to have another 🤞 I think I would like it as a surprise.
A friend of mine said it helped her get through the labour side and it added to that special moment of having your baby.

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StarringRole · 01/12/2018 22:26

I did it both ways and I preferred not knowing. Not really sure why, scan felt a bit anti climactic I think.

Brenna24 · 01/12/2018 22:45

I also had a lot of monitoring and interventions and chose not to find out as it was the one part of the pregnancy that wasn't very medicalised. I am so grateful for every bit of that modern medicine as DD wouldn't be here without it, but it was so nice to have one bit of mystery. And the midwives in the labour suite were wonderfully giddy about getting to be part of the surprise too. I wouldn't change it for the world.

As an aside big congratulations to AnneLovesGilbert and DoubleChocolateTiffin

JuniLoolaPalooza · 01/12/2018 22:51

I had a surprise with both of mine. So funny, each appointment and at the births the midwives were like bored do you know if it's a boy or a girl?
And they all visibly perked up when we said it was a surprise.
When I had my son (via csection) they held him up to show me his boy parts but I couldn't see and he pissed on me.

GreenMeerkat · 01/12/2018 22:54

I found out with all three of mine (G-G-B).

It's just because I'm impatient and didn't want to wait.

3in4years · 01/12/2018 23:41

As a pp said, I didn't see any difference preparing for or bonding with a girl or boy. And I didn't want anyone else to imply I should. So I didn't find out. In fact, I went so far as to I'm write on my birth plan not to tell me the sex straight away. I wanted to hold the baby for a while before caring what sex it was, and didn't want its sex to define it, so the veey first thing ever said to or about them shouldn't be "It's a girl/ boy!". In fact, the notes weren't read and the first thing the midwife said we "she's got the cord wrapped around her neck twice". Oh well!

Original poster

Bunnymumma · 02/12/2018 06:23

@3in4years No! I really like your take on this though. Neither of us are feeling a preference, there's nothing gender specific being bought and even our names are fairly unisex (the girls ones in particular), so what a great idea.

OP posts:

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 02/12/2018 06:40

We didn't have a choice but to find out. Sometimes it's just obvious at the 20 week scan, when they are down there looking at kidneys, bladder, intestines etc.

I'm glad though we did find out. It's made it more real and I'm excited to meet him now.

Panicmode1 · 02/12/2018 07:24

I didn't find out for 3 of my four and loved the magical announcement after all of the effort to produce them (in fact one of my midwives said in her experience, women who don't know what sex the baby is, push more effectively towards the end as they want to know the sex). Not sure if that's true or not, but that's what she said.

We did find out with my 4th as he was a big, unplanned, contraceptive failure shock and I was v depressed about being pg again. So I found out to help me bond. Which we did and I wouldn't be without him now, of course (he's almost 9 already!).

Congratulations and enjoy the pregnancy and the decision making

Panicmode1 · 02/12/2018 07:25

Sorry, I did put paragraphs in, but am on my phone and they disappeared when I posted!

Whereland · 02/12/2018 07:28

I don't find out, I know it's a "surprise" either way but I prefer to find out by looking at the baby after going through hell to deliver it! Rather than a stranger just saying "it's a whatever.." totally personal thing though my sister doesn't understand my thinking at all!

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 02/12/2018 07:37

I have done both, finding out at birth was, by far, the better experience. Just so special.

Angrybird345 · 02/12/2018 08:02

Same here, being told at the birth it was a boy was out of this world, so much different to being told it’s a boy st a scan. Knowing in advance is practical, buts it magical finding out the sex st the birth.

sdaisy26 · 02/12/2018 08:05

We found out both times mainly because DH really wanted to and I didn’t particularly mind if we did or didn’t. It’s still a lovely surprise any time! With DD I was glad we knew because her birth was tricky and we didn’t get to see her for a while so I don’t think we would have had the big ‘it’s a girl’ moment anyway. That said, if we had a third (which we’re not going to so entirely academic) I would wait until the birth to find out.

tomhazard · 02/12/2018 08:12

I didn't find out. I am literally laughing out loud at people who 'can't stand' this and think it's precious. Wtaf.

I didn't find out because for me I didn't want to imagine my unborn child and by knowing the sex I felt like I might subconsciously imagine what he/her would look like or be like. I loved finding out when dd was born so I didn't find out the second time either.

I understand why people do find out though, if it helps them bond or prepare another child, and I wouldn't be so rude as to call them precious or profess not to be able to stand their stance.

MaryJenson · 02/12/2018 08:16

Some weird comments on this thread

I see finding out as like knowing what a present is before you unwrap it. Obviously you find out at some point what the present is but it’s not quite the same as the surprise of unwrapping on the day.

DoveSecret · 02/12/2018 08:26

Just wait till the birth! What us there to prepare the other kids for? They know a baby is coming..... mums and dads have had babies for a very long time without the need to find out to prepare the siblings.

Enjoy and wait.

StyleOfTheTimes · 02/12/2018 08:30

We found out at our scan as I was worried that after giving birth with all the commotion and overwhelming emotions it might not sink in like it should. Especially if I have to have an emergency c section or if pain medication knocks me out. Each to their own though. It’ll still be a surprise if you know what you’re having as you’ll finally see what he or she looks like. Do they have hair? Who’s nose do they have etc.

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