Find out or have a surprise?

[Bunnymumma]

DH and I have been planning to find out the sex of our bub all along, but have both suddenly thought that maybe a surprise would be nice. Our nursery is going to be all white and green, so no 'gendered colour' issues to worry about at all.

What did you all do? We kind of think that it won't change anything by knowing, so shall we just keep it quiet on Monday or find out? x

Thanks everyone! Some fun and helpful comments!

Think we will wait and see on the big day.x

@spiderlight Hahaha! I wonder if we might have that experience!

We didn't tell a single other person that we knew so it was a surprise for everyone other than us!

You see I find this a little bit precious. It's either a boy or girl...it's very exciting for the parents to wonder what they're having but surely your friends and family aren't that bothered if it's a surprise for them?

We didn't want to know with any of ours.
I totally accept we are all different and horses for courses, etc., but I find it a bit odd when a baby arrives when you know everything about it in advance (Well couples know the sex and have broadcast the name etc) - it seems like a sort of little anti-climax when there is no "news" to break when the baby arrives.

However, each to their own.

Surprise x2 for me. Don't regret it for a second. My Dh found out on both occasions what I was carrying.

I must be precious / not standable

Find out or don't, it doesn't bother me.

We didn't find out until birth, I loved the mystery of it all the way along. And when the baby's heartbeat began to get erratic DP distracted me while they were setting up the emcs by playing the guessing game again which really helped.

My neighbour on her second DC told me that they had found out the sex but were keeping it a secret from everyone. That, I didn't understand. But she was rather odd in other ways as well.

Have done both, surprise was better.

Midwife here. To me it's a bit more special looking after couples in labour who don't know. Increasingly rare these days though. Do what feels right for you.

formerbabe I do agree there though. I find it a bit weird when people find out but then keep it secret from everyone else. Nobody else would really care one way or the other. Seems a bit attention seeking. Though I did make my Dh keep it a secret from EVERYONE- but only because I didn't know.

formerbabe not previous in the slightest. Nobody knew we knew. I just said we were keeping it a surprise. I never told anyone we found out because I never told anyone we had the harmony test because I didn't want anyone worrying, especially my mother who worries about everything. So if that makes me precious so be it.

Yes agree if you find out and then hide it from other people that’s attention seeking, no one else cares.

I found out with all of mine but that was to help my metal health.

I only ever wanted boys and the whole thought of having a girl filled me with horror. First dc was a boy and that was great but second I found out at my 20wk scan I was having a girl - I cried all the way home I'm glad I found out as I was able to get my head round having a girl by the time she arrived - if I'd found out when she was born I dread to think how I would have reacted - I have no excuse but I absolutely did not want a girl. I know how bad that sounds when plenty of people struggle to conceive but in my defence I was not in a good place mentally.

Fast forward several years and 4 dc in total and I adore my 2 girls and wouldn't change them for the world but I'm still glad I had some warning weeks before they arrived.

Dh didn't want to know what we were having so for him it was a surprise at the birth.

I think it's up to the individual when they want to find out and what suits one (for whatever reason) will not necessarily suit another.

So if nobody else cares, how is it attention seeking by not telling them? If they don't care then they won't give you attention. I agree that people who know but tell people oh we know but aren't telling people are a bit odd. But like I said in my case I had said I wasn't finding out from the start and didn't want to have to explain to people why I found out so I just told people I didn't find out. To be perfectly frank I think that's less attention seeking than going in to the reason why I found out and had people worrying but like pp said, every choice isn't for everyone op, whether you find out now or not it'll still be just as exciting for you.

princess that's different though. You didn't say "we know what it is, but it's a secret so we're not telling you". That's not attention seeking. That's just being private - which is different.

I gave DH the choice if he wanted us to find out or not. There was a lot of things about the pregnancy and the birth that would be up to me to decide so I wanted to him to be involved with some of the decisions.

He chose not to find out.

We decided to find out at the 20 week scan - it just seemed right for us. I completely accept that other people have other preferences with regards to finding out early.

I feel that we've been able to bond with him far more than if we didn't know the sex, and we have decided on a name for him. I think my DH really feels like knowing has helped with the bonding.
I do think shopping has been a bit easier knowing, and my mum knits, so it has (probably) been easier for her to decide on colours, even though she does seem to go for fairly neutral colours anyway.

A friend of mine found out early as well, but her parents didn't want her to tell them, so she had to keep it a secret from them from week 20 and until she gave birth. She was absolutely distraught that she couldn't share something like this with them.

Waited for the birth both times, I didn't want to find out at the scans and certainly don't think I bonded less as a result. I'd have found it really weird to have named them before they wereborn.

I love a surprise on the day. I've done it once and I loved it, so am also not finding out with this one.

I totally get it's different for everyone, and it's not a huge deal at the end of the day. So do whatever feels right. Although I do find this kind of comment a bit disingenuous:

whether you find out at the scan or birth, it's still a surprise!

By the same token, finding out what my Christmas presents are is a surprise whenever it happens, but I'd still rather find out in the 25th!

I remember the days when nobody ‘found out’. I never.

Find out. I couldn't bear not knowing. The suspense would kill me. I have 2 friends who are pregnant at the moment. One knows it's a boy. The other says they're not finding out, but we all know this is bull. She did the same thing with the last one and then it was "Ooh well Mummy & Daddy know, but we're not telling"

We wanted a surprise. I ended up with a crash section (general anathesthic) and didn’t get any surprise. My baby was on her own for the first hour as DH wasn’t allowed in. Someone told DH about his daughter in passing.

This time I figure at least the scan room
Is a guaranteed surprise

We’re having a surprise. It’s 50/50 but I’ve had an awful lot of scans and monitoring and drugs and medical stuff so the idea of something a tiny bit surprising and magical means something to me. Precious? Can’t really see how. I don’t need to identify my baby’s genitals to bond with it. It’s our baby that’s healthy and thriving and I’m completely in love with it. It’s a person, not just a boy or a girl. It has pretty grey, white, blue, yellow clothes waiting for it. We have names for both and are happy with all of them.

I have been surprised by how many people have asked what we’re having and been shocked we don’t know. They then persist in asking if I have an inkling and get annoyed when I don’t. It’s a baby. Not bothered by much else!

For me the best part was, after the drudge of labour and birth, finding out what sex they were. Nothing can beat that feeling when you're knackered and just given birth to hearing "you've had a little girl/boy."

It's a very special moment!

We chose to find out, we had a long journey ttc so were impatient! I've not given birth before so just thought to find out at the time might be too much at once emotionally (I'm too sensitive and have a tendency to get depression). I love knowing I'm having a boy, it was the right decision for us.