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Original poster

Help!!!! We need to make a decision tonight!!

92 replies

Dangit · 26/11/2018 14:18

We’ve been planning a relocation for a year. The job offer has come in and we need to let them know tomorrow. It means moving 200 miles away from family and friends. School places are uncertain at his point, as is the housing situation.
We would be moving to west Cornwall. We told the kids (5,8,9) it was happening yesterday (they have been expecting it) but they were so so upset. It felt horrible.
I don’t want to be afraid to change our lives but at this point it doesn’t feel like for the better with how the kids feel.

Any advice welcome!!!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 26/11/2018 14:22

I would be very nervous of doing this! What are the advantages of going? Can job prospects improve locally?

NancyDonahue · 26/11/2018 14:27

Is it more money, better prospects? Have you any idea of the schools in the area? It's a massive decision to make. However, it's not totally barmy. The dcs are young enough to settle easily enough. It would be much harder of they were teens. Can you find out about schools before giving an answer? At least get some info on schools with places or how long the waiting lists are.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 26/11/2018 14:30

You are the adults and you are the ones who have to make this decision. Your children are too young to understand finances, jobs, cost of living.

We moved from London to west Devon/Cornwall three years ago. It’s the best decision we could have made. We love our jobs, quality of life is better. Community spirit is better. Cost of living is better. It is a much safer area to live in. And we are surrounded by amazing scenery.

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mummmy2017 · 26/11/2018 14:30

Do the thing they do on escape down under.
How much better off will you be.
The life style will mean lots to do in 30 mins drive...
Family will they visit... Do you lose help from GP... Vee child care.
Will you work?

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 26/11/2018 14:31

Options for schooling in west Cornwall are very limited. Don’t know where you are at present but it might be a shock. I really really would not make such a commitment unless you have clarity re schooling.

dogzdinner · 26/11/2018 14:33

What are your children upset about? Moving away from their friends?

Longlostpals · 26/11/2018 14:33

As a child I was moved around a lot and I say don't do it to them. It massively shattered my confidence and I don't have any of my primary school friendships anymore.

Also, think about the help you get from family and friends in terms of childcare and who could help out in an emergency. Also how much you rely on them for a social life. You won't have anyone in the new place and it takes years to build that back.

safariboot · 26/11/2018 14:34

So to clarify, a potential employer has offered you a job which requires you relocate. They either know or should know this. And they're demanding you make a decision overnight?

What does that tell you about how this potential employer regards their employees, especially said employees right to a family life and commitments outside the workplace?

Original poster
Dangit · 26/11/2018 14:34

I’ve been onto the admissions for months. They can only process your application a max of 8 weeks of when you want to start. I spoke to my fave school today and they have space now, but that could change by the time we move. So we cannot put that into place before making a decision. It all seems nuts. But it’s our ‘dream’ to move to the coast and there has been no other option but to get the job first as this is the most risky aspect.
Prospects...they are so subjective to what you want out of life I think. I live in a very safe, sensible place where people don’t really do change. I don’t want to miss out on a opportunity to change things but man, it is so hard to actually push that button.

OP posts:
Littlechocola · 26/11/2018 14:35

What bit are they upset about?

Snowwontbelong · 26/11/2018 14:37

We moved, not far but enough to change dc school, they were 6,9+10. They kept in touch with old friend's via their Hudl, letters and pics. They settled extremely well and are very popular! Older 2 in secondary school now. No issues at all. We had no family to leave behind which may effect your dc - unless you did a calendar to show when visits would be happening maybe?

Original poster
Dangit · 26/11/2018 14:47

The Calander would be a good idea, thanks snowwontbelong. I have tried to plot how often we could visit back home / be visited.
Kids are upset about leaving friends, not knowing anyone.

I feel like this is a major test if we are brave or wimps.
If we don’t go the kids will be over the moon and we will be sad, but maybe that’s the way it should be.

OP posts:
ArnoldBee · 26/11/2018 14:51

The kids will be like this as you have nothing concrete to see them so they can't picture what it will be like. They'll be fine after a term. Clearly it's what you want so get on with it. If you don't you know you're heart isn't in it.

Starlight345 · 26/11/2018 14:52

I am going to disagree . The children are young enough to cope with a change .

If you want to do it now before they are in high school

Singlenotsingle · 26/11/2018 14:53

On the other hand, you might regret it forever if you don't take this opportunity. Is the salary better with the new job? And it's not exactly on the other side of the world, is it? Some people go to Australia!

And if you really didn't like it, you could go back.

Svanhildur · 26/11/2018 14:54

I'm not friends with anyone from my primary school and I lived in the same house from birth to when I went to university. If you're going to move, I think before your oldest gets to secondary is the right time to do it.

kingofthemountains · 26/11/2018 14:54

I moved as a kid, I was 9, my brother 11 and my sister was 6.

I remember being upset when I was told even though we were moving to where my mums family were so we knew people.

However, all three of us have grown up and are fully fledged adults and are not scarred at all! have maintained friendships from before we moved so hAve childhood friends all over the place.

As the parent it's your job to decide - years ago my uncle got offered a v senior position in Australia on a fixed term contract but because his kids didn't want to go, they didn't go - something which no doubt affected his career negatively.

dancingqueen345 · 26/11/2018 14:56

My mum did this to me and my brother when we were 9 and 10. Moved us from the NW to Somerset because she thought we'd have a better quality of life. Me and my brother were fine, but she hated being so far from family/friends so we came back after 2 years!

SkiMum99 · 26/11/2018 14:58

The kids are young enough to adapt, and Cornwall can be a lovely place to live. However it depends on what your family is into. Big shopping centres it isn’t but beautiful countryside, every weekend potentially at the beach is. We had breakfast on the beach every weekend for 8 wks in a row this summer and swam in the sea as it was lovely hot weather leaving the beach before the holiday makers arrived. However parts of Cornwall depending where you are can get socked in with sea mist for days in the winter. It takes longer to get places in holiday season. Potentially great work/life balance if it works for your lifestyle. Personally I’d go for it. You can always move back if it’s not for you but good jobs are really hard to find.

MrsChollySawcutt · 26/11/2018 14:59

How firm is the job on offer as in is there a probationary period after which you could be let go and how stable is the firm offering the job?

You say 'we' so I'm assuming there is a partner involved in the decision. Do they need to work as well and would they be able to get a job in their chosen field?

I'm from the west country and know how hard it is to get jobs down there. I wouldn't do it unless you are really certain of the longevity of you and your partners job prospects.

twoheaped · 26/11/2018 14:59

Better do it now than when the dc's are older.
We did it. Don't regret a moment, even though it has been full of ups and downs along the way.
We all love where we live now, whereas we were ambivalent about our old location.

Tiggy321 · 26/11/2018 14:59

I say go for it! We moved countries 14 years ago with a 2 yr old and a 6 month old. Didn't know a soul but soon made friends, found my place. Scary but exciting. We had the whole language barrier to contend with too. 200 miles is not so bad. You find out who your real friends are- those who want to visit and make the effort!

AdamNichol · 26/11/2018 15:00

I had 4x primary schools - 3 in England, one in NI. I got used to each new one quick enough.
As others have said here, move before High School - that's a different kettle of fish.

TeenTimesTwo · 26/11/2018 15:02

Kids of that age can't imagine what the 'new' will be like.
You've been planning it for a year, so have presumably gone over the pros and cons numerous times, they are a good age to move, so get on with it.
Once they get to secondary school it is harder to move.

MrsChollySawcutt · 26/11/2018 15:05

Oh and yes if you're going to move, do it before secondary school. But look at what the secondaries are like in W Cornwall before you leap because you won't get much of a choice!