Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Help!!!! We need to make a decision tonight!!

92 replies

Dangit · 26/11/2018 14:18

We’ve been planning a relocation for a year. The job offer has come in and we need to let them know tomorrow. It means moving 200 miles away from family and friends. School places are uncertain at his point, as is the housing situation.
We would be moving to west Cornwall. We told the kids (5,8,9) it was happening yesterday (they have been expecting it) but they were so so upset. It felt horrible.
I don’t want to be afraid to change our lives but at this point it doesn’t feel like for the better with how the kids feel.

Any advice welcome!!!

OP posts:

TranmereRover · 26/11/2018 15:06

when we were moving, kids of similar age didn't understand that we'd bring all our things with us from the house, so they'd have the same bed with the same pictures on the wall and their own books and cats and plates and toys etc. Having come to look around houses with us, I think they thought we moved straight into that person's house lock / stock with all their furniture and so on. Explaining that made a big difference (yours may of course be more switched on!)

TranmereRover · 26/11/2018 15:07

(MrsCS awesome name. How is the Captain?)

Snowwontbelong · 26/11/2018 15:08

We also spent hours Googling' fun things to do at the new place'!
Sell it to them.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Property

TakeMeToKernow · 26/11/2018 15:08

Have the DCs ever been to Cornwall?

Jaxhog · 26/11/2018 15:12

I moved from Surrey to Lancs when I was 12. Hated the idea, loved the reality. Even at that age, I settled in fast (though I couldn't understand the accent initially).

MrsChollySawcutt · 26/11/2018 15:17

Thank you Tranmere, the good Captain sends you his regards. He is out breaking in a new hunter at present.

Storm4star · 26/11/2018 15:19

Where are you moving from? You will be in for a culture shock. It's all very well thinking about the kids playing on sunny beaches but winter is long and tough. I grew up in Cornwall and there are not many prospects for kids leaving school/college without moving away. Honestly as a teen I hated it. If you're in a village, hanging out at the local bus stop in the cold gets boring pretty quickly. But there weren't any options to do anything else. On the whole the Cornish don't like "outsiders" although at primary age your kids should be ok. But it depends on lot on where you are moving from and to. Personally I wouldn't do it, but then I admit I'm biased.

IssuesWithTheTree · 26/11/2018 15:21

Is the job offer yours? Dh's?

What will the other person do for work? Will they be a SAHP?

How much support do you get from friends/family at the moment in terms of practical help? How will you compensate for that when you move?

I am a trailing spouse, have left jobs, friends and family behind twice. It is hard building friendships up again.

I know some people live in the place they were born and can never imagine leaving.

How long is the journey back to where you are currently from the new location? How will you arrange to visit or have people visit you?

The children should never get to decide if you move, of course they will be upset, but they will make friends and if you are going to do it now is the time before secondary.

Mingusthebrave · 26/11/2018 15:23

We made a similar move, about 6yrs ago. DC were 9, 7 and 4 - was speaking to the DC the other day and all three say it was the best move we ever made.

kerryleigh · 26/11/2018 15:23

Do it now, when they are so young They will adapt and make new friends
My DH wants us to move now, in another country no less, when DD is the year before Leaving Cert. I don't even want to talk about it, not happening

schnubbins · 26/11/2018 15:27

My parents moved in the 70's with 3 kids aged 11/12 yrs from Africa to the West of Ireland.It was like going back to the Dark Ages for us and anything other than easy but we were all really happy eventually .I moved with my sons from U.S to Germany when they were 10 and 11 and it was difficult also but two years later and it would not have worked especially from a schooling point of view.If you are going to do it do it now.

paap1975 · 26/11/2018 15:28

You're the responsible adults. You have to make the decision (children don't have the maturity to look at the long term picture). I went to 8 different schools as a child due to my parents relocating and have suffered no ill-effects

hadenough · 26/11/2018 15:28

My parents moved from one end of the country to the other when I was 7 and it still has an impact on me today (to be fair they did this twice). It had a real impact on friendships, and I struggled to settle.

Obviously it is your choice to make, but after my own childhood I'd never move my children like my parents did.

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 26/11/2018 15:30

Young DC are nearly always scared of the unknown even when it's clearly the best thing for them. If you don't think this move will be the best thing for them then maybe rethink your dreams once they've flown the nest.

RedDeadRoach · 26/11/2018 15:33

If the job is only for a year what are you going to do when the year is up? If your primary reason for moving is because you want to live by the coast I think that's pretty selfish.

JakeBallardswife · 26/11/2018 15:33

I think I'd do it, kids are the perfect age really and it'll be so much easier than trying to do it in 5 year time.

delboysskinandblister · 26/11/2018 15:33

when is the job's start date? this side of Christmas or next?

Mingusthebrave · 26/11/2018 15:33

School wise as well, it depends how far into West Cornwall you are going. Down in the very depths, we have had real choice in schools, even in secondary. There is none of the school panic and admissions madness that we had in other places. There are 5 accessible secondary schools (within a 10-15m radius). All have places, and we could have chosen any of them - the only difference is that you get a free bus pass to your catchment school, but if you're happy to be responsible for the transporting, you can generally go to any of the schools.
For us, the biggest change has been the work/life balance. I finally feel present in my life, which I didn't feel in London and the way that impacts on the DC has been so positive.

Eeeeek2 · 26/11/2018 15:33

I think your children's ages are the oldest I'd like to move. Presumably oldest will have 1.5 years in primary to make new friends before the move to secondary school.

Just be aware of how remote Cornwall is from the rest of the country (particularly if travelling during school holidays)
Public transport is very hit and miss.
Jobs are generally low paid and seasonal compared to elsewhere.

It's beautiful place to live and I wouldn't go anywhere else.

delboysskinandblister · 26/11/2018 15:34

or early next year I mean!

grumpy4squash · 26/11/2018 15:36

Red I think OP means she has been planning for a year, not that the relocation would only be for a year.

Birdie6 · 26/11/2018 15:39

My parent's moved us to the other side of the world when I was 8. I got about a week's notice. To be honest I'm glad they did - we ended up having a great life. I made new friends and fitted in fine. I"d say make up your mind without taking too much notice of what your children feel about it - they only see things from their own perspective which is very narrow.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 26/11/2018 15:40

Our ex-neighbours did it earlier this year, children of a similar age, and they are having the time of their lives.

Please don't let the temporary sad faces put you off your dream. They have the whole of their lives to dream.

Do it!

Notverygrownup · 26/11/2018 15:44

We have family in West Cornwall - it is an awesome place to grow up. Fabulous lifestyle choices for youngsters, with beaches all summer and a strong sense of local community in many places.

Jobs are harder - is it your dh who has a job? Are you hoping to work? Be aware that your kids may need to leave Cornwall to get careers - and it is a hulluva long way from anywhere, with the traffic - we can't just pop and see the family easily for a weekend in the summer, because of the traffic.

Having said that, you can always move back when the kids leave home. Personally, I would go for it in the blink of an eye.

Original poster

Dangit · 26/11/2018 15:45

Thanks so much everyone. I’m going to get my partner to read this too. I’ve just asked my son on coming home from school how he feels now and he actually said it doesn’t seem so bad now and is merrily pottering on his guitar. Middle daughter upset in her room though.
Job wise, I work freelance so I am lucky there and earn roughly the same as my partner. The job offer is from a very stable company and although it is s bit of an income drop it’s very doable and has good holiday and seems low stress.

We could always move back, I do keep reminding myself that.
Thanks again so much. I have to say all of my friends have been very supportive. It is a nice place where we live, and it’s not like it’s going anywhere.

Arnoldbe, I like what your saying - ‘just get on with it’. I think if the situation was different and we had no choice but to go, we would be very excited...

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4