You’re job in a nutshell....

[MaidenMotherCrone]

Forget the job titles what is it you actually do?

I sit on my bottom for 10hrs looking very closely at things whilst listening to talking books and drinking tea 😁

I try to stop rubbish children's clothes making it into the retailer I work for.

i talk to people to try to help them feel happier, less worried, or less angry.

People ask me for things, and I tell them if they can have them or not. If they can they use these things to nourish furry companions

Making sure peoples 'special day' goes perfectly from beginning to end. (Or rather just hiding all the disasters that occur throughout the day from the couples in question!)

I write reports, audit data (from sources in 6 languages, deal with ISO9001, write guides and hunt down random facts for test plans.

People phone me with their problems and want me to fix them. Mostly this involves telling adults how to behave.

I spend a lot of time either sitting or standing listening to people talk/complain about random things. Sometimes they ask me questions I know the answer to, but often I don't.

Pander to the whims of Google and also get paid to play around on social media.

Getting X to fix Y's problems with me suggesting/coming up with creative solutions. (Basically have to manage a lot of complaints but I'm the 'good guy'!)

Some days I do fuck all except but stuff on eBay and watch I player other DST’s I run around our printing factory like a blue arsed fly (whatever one of them does!!)

Herding monkeys without (much) shit slinging. I work in a school.

fuck of auto correct and my inability to check what I have written!!
*Buy

• days

I recruit carers who wish to work in their own home and place vulnerable adults with said carers for respite/short term or long term stays. I then monitor and support those placements by visiting their house, drinking tea and eating biscuits whilst chatting about how they're doing. Love my job. I also have lots of paperwork which I don't love, obviously.

Sit on my bum all day sending emails to people saying their money is being transferred to them that day and setting up payments in bank. Phoning people who haven't paid and asking them to pay and drinking copious amounts of tea and not answering the phone until I absolutely have to

I tell people how much money they have made or lost and how much money they have to pay the government for the pleasure of making or losing money and also how much they have to pay me for telling them this.

I sit on my bum eating crisps and drinking tea, while a beeping sound goes off in my ear at random intervals.

I then get to listen to people sobbing in my ear, or shouting and swearing, thinking they know the system better than me,blaming me for long waits, and threatening to report me personally to the daily mail. I get to try and be a counselor, a support worker, a confidant, a debt advisor, a housing advisor, general lifestyle coach and stern person.

I do however work with the best team I could possibly have. They are so lovely and supportive and it's such a great environment. I'm lucky enough to have great friends who get me to laugh or find the funny side of situations and cheer me up, and we vent a lot to each other.

(Flexi resource telephony at PIP enquiries. In theory it means 5 calls per day in practice is 15 calls per hour).

Oops just noticed that ain't exactly a nutshell (but I do have the best team ever)

I pass much cleverer people than me really sharp things which they stab in people’s eyes. Every now and again I sit down and hold someone hand if they’re scared. I give cuddles too.

Most of these appear to make some sort of sense, but I wonder if there is a word missing in Burnings description?

I stare at a screen working out how to kill people

I clean, cook, administer medication, sort finances out, accompany people to the city centre or wherever they want to.

Speak to people and explain sometimes complicated information, be their advocate, check results, fill in paperwork ad nauseum, sometimes jab said people with sharp instrument, engage with egotistical professionals,

Try to remind people that we did not force them to leave their precious small children with us for the day. Also to be in training for the United Nations .. oh no.. coping with 40 female staff just feels like it .

24/7 personal maid

I drive around the country trying to make sure nobody gets hurt, ill or dies.

Depending on how likely I think the above is, I might write a report which either makes someone very happy, or very cross.

Try to help people who have done bad things not to do any more bad things