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Original poster

What *should* happen in this situation? Warning may be triggering

72 replies

spikeyone · 23/11/2018 23:11

If a teenager is taken for a termination and during the process beforehand repeatedly makes it clear to counsellor and doctors that her mother is forcing her
If on the first occasion she becomes so distressed it can’t be done but is then taken back again by the mother
Surely they should have made a safeguarding referral ? If it’s clearly not the patients decision

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 23/11/2018 23:14

Yes, of course. They shouldn't have operated and they should have contacted social services. Did this happen to you?

overagain · 23/11/2018 23:15

They should ask the parent to leave and assess the patient alone. They should discuss with the patient the course of action they'd like to take and support them in that, which may mean referrals to SS. If the patient is so distressed, a referral to hospital or the police may be needed.

Original poster
spikeyone · 23/11/2018 23:15

Yes but it was quite a few years ago
I get very upset around the time each year and I’m really questioning why on Earth nobody helped me

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Georgeofthejungle · 23/11/2018 23:16

This is very sad ☹️ Flowers

Original poster
spikeyone · 23/11/2018 23:18

They just told me to explain again to my mother I didn’t want to that she may come round to the idea
Suggested showing her a scan photo which I did and she was foully rude
Told me to keep going to ante natal appts and to invite her but she refused and it just Carried on
It was a second trimester termination and harrowing and tonghtbi can’t help but wish someone had helped me

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Original poster
spikeyone · 23/11/2018 23:21

The first time she took me to have it done I was so distressed they told me I was upsetting other patients and they would not proceed but then when I was taken home it was dreadful what happened and i had no choice but to phone back to re book and they let me re book it which I don’t understand it was very clearly not right

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Original poster
spikeyone · 23/11/2018 23:22

I just wish they had called someone to take me out of that situation

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differentnameforthis · 23/11/2018 23:29

How old is the teen?

HollowTalk · 23/11/2018 23:30

You poor thing. That sounds horrific. Do you have any contact with your mum now?

differentnameforthis · 23/11/2018 23:30

Sorry, I didn't see that it was you. How old were you?

Lockheart · 23/11/2018 23:31

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

You don't mention what age you were, and teenaged covers quite a wide range. If you were assessed as not having the capacity to consent (which even today could simply mean that you're under the age of 16) then from a purely legal standpoint the parent can sometimes consent on your behalf. I'm probably not saying this well but this situation would be very different if you were 12 or 13 compared to if you were 16 or 17, for example.

Regardless, I'm so sorry there was no-one who showed you kindness or understanding. It must have been so awful Flowers

Original poster
spikeyone · 23/11/2018 23:32

I had just turned 18 so maybe that’s why they didn’t call as I was technically an adult ?

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Original poster
spikeyone · 23/11/2018 23:37

They were aware of other issues that would have highlighted vulnerabilities and that I lived at home
I even told them she had taken my phone I was trapped and not able to make the decision myself I needed help and protection

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zenasfuck · 23/11/2018 23:38

Tho happened to me. I was 19 weeks and 6 days.
The nurse I saw asked me whether I cried every time I had a period because it's basically the same thing 😢😡

And I can still remember feeling tears running down the side of my face as I lay on the trolley waiting for the anaesthetic whilst begging them not to do it

Next thing I knew I was awake and it was too late

craftinglife · 23/11/2018 23:42

I would suggest counselling / therapy to discuss your experiences. Although not exactly the same, I had similar experience as a teen and I held on to this for the next 10 years or so and it really consumed my life. I had so much anger and resentment.

Original poster
spikeyone · 23/11/2018 23:42

As they gave my anaesthetic I tried to fight it I wanted to say to stop but I was sobbing and the dr snapped at me to stop and calm down

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Original poster
spikeyone · 23/11/2018 23:43

Yes I need some help I am crying so much my eyes are swollen and I feel sick

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ThatOneHurt · 23/11/2018 23:46

That's so fucked up. Sad
How long ago was this? I would complain, use that sadness and anger to complain about the place that did it. That's terrible.

AnnieOH1 · 23/11/2018 23:48

I am so very sorry this happened. There's no right way for you to deal with this. Litigation may help (it certainly doesn't sound like it was so very long ago with you talking of your phone). Counselling may help. Allowing yourself to grieve though will help you. You're allowed to, you're allowed to be angry and you're allowed to (if you want) say you had a rainbow baby.

You'll need to consider your current relationship with your parents too of course. If they're still alive, whether to cut contact or to attend counselling with your mother in particular.

[Flowers]

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 24/11/2018 00:03

This should never have happened at any time but I'm sorry that in the past it probably was something some girls/young women did go through.

I'd hope that in modern times young people's bodily autonomy is now taken much more seriously and no doctor or nurse would consider performing a medical procedure unless the patient was clearly consensual and ok to have it done.

You don't say how long and it doesn't matter or change how dreadful what happened to you was actually but I hope it's was a long time ago.

I'm very sorry this was done to you.

Original poster
spikeyone · 24/11/2018 00:09

It was in 2000 so quite a long time and I don’t think I could complain about something so long ago
Every year is bad, this year more so as it was half my life ago and I feel like it has damaged me beyond repair emotionally

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mouthkisses · 24/11/2018 00:27

I am so sorry this happened to you.

I think counselling might help. They would also be able to signpost how to find out why it happened, how to complain etc. Even the opportunity to talk about it at length might really help the healing. What a terrible ordeal for you.

Binglebong · 24/11/2018 00:32

I am so sorry sweetheart. That should not have happened.

I think it would be a good idea to look in to some counselling. And I also think, within that, you really need to consider your relationship with your parents and if it is good for your mental health. You have no obligation to them, whatever they may habe said or done. They chose to be your parent, you did not choose to be their daughter.

Please look after yourself. Flowers

ChristmasSprite · 24/11/2018 00:35

The doctor that did that against your will needs striking off!! That's disgusting and he totally abused your rights. It could nt have been more obvious.

I am so sad and angry for you too. What a shocking and tragic tale. Flowers
Also for zenasfuck sorry, horrendous. Flowers

thegreatbeyond · 24/11/2018 00:47

This is a terrible thing to happen and I hope you get justice for you and your baby. It's no less than criminal, and more women speaking out is good.