What *should* happen in this situation? Warning may be triggering

[spikeyone]

If a teenager is taken for a termination and during the process beforehand repeatedly makes it clear to counsellor and doctors that her mother is forcing her
If on the first occasion she becomes so distressed it can’t be done but is then taken back again by the mother
Surely they should have made a safeguarding referral ? If it’s clearly not the patients decision

I am so sorry op. I asked your age as I think it would have been different had you been 13, but you were an adult, and you weren't listened to.

I echo the others, I think counseling is needed. This has had a huge impact on your life.

Can I ask if you still talk to your mum and what she says about it?

I’m so sorry your own mother did this to you 🌷and no one outside stepped in to help you. I’m astounded that at 18 they ignored your wishes and went along with her.

However, you can’t change any of that, all you can do is get help to deal with it so it’s not traumatising you like this, you can’t go on like this x

2000! I was talking about the past as in just after abortion was legalised.

That is disgustingly recently!

I'm so sorry. the medical staff and your mother should be absolutely ashamed! This happened way way after people knew better and times had changed.

If I talk about it she says ‘oh you’ll never let me forget will you’. Gets angry. Then cries and leaves/tells me to leave

I feel like yes I was an adult, Just. But a very vulnerable adult and despite that I said clearly I didn’t want to I found the courage in the counselling sessions (I had to have a few-looking now that’s not usual is it ?) to tell them and the dr and exactly what was being said and done at home and they didn’t act on it and then to allow it to be rebooked after the first failed attempt ? I feel so let down

In 2004 I tried to get my notes about it but was refused and invited in for a meeting with the doctor instead
He said he could refer me for counselling and said when a request for notes like mine comes in they can withhold them to protect the patients mental health
I left feeling no better and I didn’t choose to have the counselling then as my daughter then became unwell so i was too busy (I was pregnant again 3 months after the termination)

Did your mum allow you to keep that baby, spike?

So you still live at home now?

I am so very sorry this happened to you.

I have had 3 misscarriages so can empathise to a point of the loss you feel, however it must be so much worse having been forced it. My heart hues out to you.

I left after she said something truly awful to me a couple of weeks after
It broke me completely and then I was able to see what she had done to me

Legally, consent for medical procedures is invalid if it is coerced. GMC rules also require doctors to be alert to the possibility their patients are offering coerced "consent".

Carrying out a medical procedure on somebody without legally valid consent is assault.

For consent to be legally valid it must be informed, capacitous, and be freely given without undue pressure or coercion. It is the responsibility of all medical staff to ensure they have legally valid consent for any procedure or examination they carry out. Having your signature on a consent form doesn't make your consent valid if it was coerced.

I am not sure what the law was in 2000 specifically, but I know this was the legal position in 2009 and I believe the Department of Health's guidance on consent (which explains these points on coercion) had originally been rolled out in 2001. There will be others better informed than me on the historic position though.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's entirely understandable something so traumatic would still be with you now.

So sorry this happened to you. Appalling. As others on here have said it should definitely not have happened, I think you should definitely make a complaint and have this investigated, if you feel you would like to.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I'm so sorry this happened to you and your mother should be ashamed, as should the professionals who did this.
Firstly with regards to a copy of your medical records it is correct that certain information can be withheld but there has to be a supportable reason for this, it usually pertains to someone not knowing they are adopted or some such, I cannot understand their reasoning behind refusing to give you information re your TOP unless it is in their interests, which is against the law. With new GDPR guidelines you no longer have to put your request in writing but can verbally ask. I would try again and advise you will take legal advice unless they can provide a legitimate reason why they will not provide the information. It is clearly not in the interests of your mental health to hide details of an event which has impacted so significantly on your life. You need answers and they have a duty of care to help you get them.
Regarding consent, even a 12 year old should not be forced to undergo a procedure they clearly do not want, even if they are found to not be competent it should still not be undertaken in this way and any child who is known to be sexually active under the age of 13 is automatically referred to safeguarding.
With you being age 18 at the time your mother could not consent for you regardless, therefore if the staff could clearly see this was coerced consent from you and you did not wish for the procedure - it's malpractice and can get them in a lot of trouble. You need to take this further for your own sake and the sake of other young women who may have been in the same position.
I think that it will help you with your own mental health and life if you can get answers and justice for your baby. I'd suggest from your mother's reaction whenever you bring it up that she perhaps regrets her decision, in which case you need to find a way to discuss it and for her to apologise otherwise your relationship will fester. Parents are supposed to protect us and your mother clearly betrayed your trust - she must acknowledge that before your relationship can move forwards.
I know there's a lot of information here but I hope it makes sense and can help.

I can’t stop thinking how I’ve been let down on two levels by my mother and by everyone else involved
I made it clear I didn’t want to do it. Even on the day (the second time I presented at hospital and after the first time I can’t believe they allowed it to be rebooked when i had to call on the demand of my mother)
I told the counsellor, the doctor and the nurses that I didn’t want to and I was visibly distressed
Even when I said I wanted the pessary out and to go home they said too late and I’d miscarry and then I had to just be taken down

I had 3 or 4 counselling sessions I remember the name of the counsellor and she took notes would these still be in my file ? All I spoke about was how I did not want a termination
How I could persuade my mother to let me keep the baby
How at 10 weeks I made a decision to keep the baby and that was recorddd as I was then given a scan in the epau as had some pains but I went home showed her the picture and said and she went absolutely mental so I then had to be taken back to tell them I had changed my mind again
It was so obvious I did not want to and was being forced

Because of it all I was in the second trimester when it was done as I’d said for weeks I didn’t want to hoping she would change her mind so it made it worse that it was not early

If you were a vulnerable adult were you in a position to raise a child? That may have had some bearing on medical decisions at the time.

Yes I was able to. But nobody even assessed that I never saw a social worker at all
I’m not sure they were aware exactly how vulnerable I was ? I tried to tell them I needed protecting and I was not heard

Dear God , you poor lady . I'm so sorry you went through this
Do you still see your mum ?

Yes hun they have to keep everything in your records, either your GP or the counselling team will still have them. Also when you say they refused to give you your notes - as I said before they can remove sections they think are detrimental to you but they can't withhold the whole record, they should still have given you something. It's also free how whereas you used to have to pay.

Yes sometimes. I find it hard. Very hard
She can act totally normally which I find the most difficult. She also seems to like/love all of her grandchildren which I cannot her my head around
I found it particularly distressing when she speaks about my siblings first children born after marriage. I think that had a lot to do with it she was clearly ashamed of me
I limit seeing her especially at this time of year she makes it all about her that I wont let her forget it and she gets angry the days she’s the victim that I shouldn’t still do this to her after so long

They wouldn’t give me any notes at all. Nothing
I had to go in and they spoke to me briefly but would not give anything

Oh lovely you poor thing
You could have been referred to social care under Safeguarding of a Vulnerable Adult and the procedure should never have been carried out without your full and informed consent. If you feel that you can, I would strongly advise raising a complaint, maybe even to the police.

For you, I think that a talking therapy would be sensible, even if you've tried it before, you need support to come to terms with what happened.

Poor you. Yes please try counseling. Then you can decide whether to pursue this malpractice further or whether it is better for you to just leave it and concentrate on putting it behind you with the help of the therapists.

I work in finance and you definitely need to put the request in in writing so I suspect its the same for the NHS. We can also edit out commercially sensitive bits.

Re your mum. Presumably she still thinks it was the best thing to do. You described yourself as vulnerable which would suggest unable to raise a child alone. And she wasn't prepared to take it on so termination seemed the best option.

The law on accessing your records has changed since 2004 when they refused.

You can make a Subject Access Request (SAR). The hospital/NHS trust will probably have a page on their website with contact details. Some may ask you to complete a form and provide ID so they can verify who you are before they release the records to you.

Once you make an SAR they have 28 calendar days to provide the information, and as has been said cannot charge you.

It's worth trying again as a first step to getting some of the answers you need.