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Original poster

I miss my evenings :-(

131 replies

Mississippilessly · 22/11/2018 18:32

We have a 10 week old DS. Currently he is napping in his sling, we are in the bedroom in the dark.

Up until this week we have been following the rule of no longer than 90 mins awake between naps and then letting him nap for as long as he likes. This has dictated bedtime and we have had a couple.of evenings where he has napped until 9pm or so. He will usually nap for about 2.5 hrs at a time (only ever in the sling) This hasn't always worked and he still doesnt usually get the 15.5 hrs he apparently should get. I try so hard to get him that.

This week we are trying to get him to bed earlier to try and stretch his nighttime sleep.It has been 9pm for the past 2 nights. This has meant dinner on the bed on the dark then straight to sleep for DH and I.

Today he has napped for about 6hrs. He is asleep now, has been for an hr. This is longer than they say he should be asleep for in the day.

Do I wake him up? If i let him sleep i could watch a tv programme in peace but i wonder if he would go longer at night if he had fewer naps.

My head hurts. I so want to be able to put him to bed and then just have a tiny bit of baby free time. But I am also scared of waking him - it seems wrong.

Help! I have no instinct here!

TLDR: Would you wake a baby up?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mississippilessly · 26/11/2018 21:56

Flatwhite I'm not but I could be - thank u!

OP posts:
waterrat · 26/11/2018 22:09

7 TIL 7 sounds highly unlikely pattern for a small baby they are probably lying

waterrat · 26/11/2018 22:10

Let your little one sleep in the day I would never have woken a baby at that age

Honestly sounds like you are doing it perfectly it just is genuinely hard !! One day they just start sleeping much less in the day on their own ...it happens naturally

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TealTurnip · 26/11/2018 22:12

Surprised nobody has said this yet but you really shouldn’t be leaving a 10 week old baby to sleep alone. It’s dangerous and doesn’t follow safe sleep guidelines. Babies under 6 months shouldn’t be left alone, they should sleep in the same room as an adult. There’s no reason why the baby can’t nap in the living room while you quietly watch tv. Or if you have to go to bed early for a few months, it’s a small price to pay if it avoids cot death.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 26/11/2018 22:13

At 10 weeks we just kept DD down with us until we went to bed. She slept in her Moses basket and fed etc. Sometimes she was awake. We carried on and had dinner, watched tv etc. She got into a routine before 4-5 months but at 10 weeks it was too much effort and I didn't want to spend my evenings upstairs in n the dark...

Original poster
Mississippilessly · 27/11/2018 11:40

teal I'm not leaving him alone - please read my posts beforw you use such dramatic language. There is a reason he can't nap in the living room - he wont. We have tried. That was the point of my thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mississippilessly · 27/11/2018 11:42

talk this is what we want to do, but he wont nap in his moses so rhen just gets majorly overtired. I qoyld love to sit in my living room with a glass of wine and watch a whole programme. I really really would.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 27/11/2018 11:43

TealTurnip the reason no one has said it is because the OP isn’t leaving him alone. She’s settling him to sleep upstairs in he dark in the sling and staying with him.

TealTurnip · 27/11/2018 12:51

We dont have a monitor yet so disnt want to leave him.
Implies if she had a monitor it would be ok to leave him. It wouldn’t. Not till he’s 6 months old.

I am downstairs with a G and T. We are leaving him to sleep.
Implies that OP has left her 10 week old baby alone while sleeping.

Shutupanddance1 · 27/11/2018 12:58

I’ve a 5 month old and DD still doesn’t sleep 7-7pm - babies are all different - don’t be worrying about what everyone else’s babies are doing, they aren’t your baby.

Tbh, I’m only just getting my evenings for few hours to myself and you honestly just have to suck it up for a while and go with the flow. Being stressed about it helps no one.

So if baby will only sleep on you/in a cot then reading, Netflix’s on phone/tablet with earbuds etc. It will pass and it gets easier

ichifanny · 27/11/2018 13:01

Honestly I have 10 week old here too it’s my fourth though , don’t try and give them a bedtime as such just follow their cues and feed and put down and you will soon tell if they will sleep or not , my daughter getting into more of a routine now but it doesn’t apply every night , I try give last feed about 10.30 —11pm prior to that she is downstairs with us in her sleepyhead while we watch tv or I’m holding her on the couch , let him adapt to you .

ichifanny · 27/11/2018 13:02

Will he sleep on you , I spend whole evenings holding her and yes have a glass of wine she settles better being held than in Moses basket .

Original poster
Mississippilessly · 27/11/2018 13:12

ichi sometimes yes very happily (right now for example) but i think he finds it much harder to fall asleep in the evenings

OP posts:
Ginnymweasley · 27/11/2018 13:17

I get the impression you want routine so I don't think anything I say I'll help but here goes.
Persevere with the pram, my ds hated it for weeks but I slightly propped it up a bit and he started to be ok and would sleep in it.
The thing is you have been doing the no noise and dark bedtime for weeks now so now your baby is used to only sleeping in the dark and quiet. This is fine if that's what you want to do but obviously if it isn't working then you need to try and change it up. Have you tried downstairs but with low lights? What about white noise?
With my dd I was obsessed with routine and getting the right amount of sleep etc but it didn't work with her and by about 4 months I had given up. By 10 months she was going down by herself at 8pm, she didn't always sleep through but she settled herself. I would have saved myself a lot of stress if I had gone with the flow in the first place.
My ds is 5 months and still has no routine although he is getting there by himself. He stays downstairs with us until we go to bed at about 10pm. But we co sleep and he has to fit around his sister which obviously makes a difference.
I would stop stressing so much. Put him down when he is tired, feed him when he is hungry and see in a week or so how it's all going.

StarUtopia · 27/11/2018 13:21

All 3 of mine just slept downstairs until we went to bed.

This. Same here. Moses basket in the lounge. When we went to bed, the moses bucket came too. (we lived in a flat at the time so all on one level)

You don't need a monitor then. He's right by you. Just a word of caution - you really shouldn't be tip toeing around in total silence when your baby is asleep or else this will continue. I had a friend who you couldn't go round to the house after 7 or flush the toilet or anything if the baby was asleep. Ridiculous!

Putting him down every 90mins is a little more extreme than the method we followed too - we put them down after 2 hours awake. Maybe try that and stretch out his naps?

JudasPrudy · 27/11/2018 13:22

If he's awake every hour are you sure he doesn't have reflux? Worth asking HV or GP if so.

When my DS was that age he would only sleep on my chest and I would fall asleep with him there then wake up and be horrified that I had put him at risk like that. I told the GP who said you do what you have to do. It was then that I started formally (and safely) bedsharing. Never looked back.

Original poster
Mississippilessly · 27/11/2018 13:35

star we have been very careful to try to avoid that. When he is sleeping in his sling i still make phone calls, get tea etc. We dont want to have to live in silence. Next door are having an extension done so chance would be a fine thing!

OP posts:
darceybussell · 27/11/2018 13:36

What about putting him in the sling, attaching a white noise machine to the sling strap near his ear and then sitting in the living room and watching the telly? Might that work? The small myhummy has a little strap on it that you could attach to the sling.

Original poster
Mississippilessly · 27/11/2018 13:42

darcey yes we have done that before. Prob is i cant transfer him without waking him and he can sleep for hrs in the sling. So if it gets to about 7pm and he is tired if i try to get him to sleep in the sling i could well be looking at a midnight bedtime...

OP posts:
BonnieandHyde · 27/11/2018 13:52

OP unless you have a movement monitor you shouldn't be leaving baby to sleep in another room to you at that age at all. He shouldn't be upstairs while you and dp are downstairs until he's a few months older.

Also MN calls bollocks on them but check out the Wonder Weeks and the development leaps babies have.

The pic attached can help too. It's a guide for sleep cycles basically. So if you time it from when baby wakes up you should know roughly when he'll need to go down to sleep again and how often/what you should expect.

Babies at 11wks have no concept of day and night. They just wake and sleep on their own cycle. Those that have night time sleepers from an early age are just lucky. Most dont sleep through until well after 1yr old.

I miss my evenings :-(
darceybussell · 27/11/2018 15:32

Where does he sleep at night? Do you keep him in the sling at night too?

Original poster
Mississippilessly · 27/11/2018 15:40

darcey no he is in his crib. He did manage a 30 min crib nap this morning too.

I just dread evenings. It takes so long to get him to sleep which is frustrating as it doesn't in the day.

OP posts:
EllaEllaE · 27/11/2018 16:05

oh you poor thing, you sound so exhausted :-( I want to give you a big hug Flowers

In addition to all the other sympathy and advice others have given: are you getting any time by yourself at all? If not in the evenings, then at least during the day. It really sounds like you could do with an hour out of the house by yourself. You could go get a coffee, or just wander around the shops or the library. Anything really, just to get you out by yourself. Even if it means someone else drives with you into town with the baby and they drop you somewhere, to come back and meet you an hour later. Its so important in these first weeks to give yourself some head space and physical space away from the baby.

If you have a partner who is usually at work during the day, they will also benefit from having time one-on-one without you there, just looking after the little one alone. You can take it in turns to give each other an hour once or twice a week: an hour of you being on your own away from the baby, and (for the parent who isn't normally home alone) an hour of being solely responsible.

Good luck Flowers

darceybussell · 27/11/2018 16:29

What about putting him in the sling for a bit on an evening, take him out (so therefore wake him) and put him in a bouncer or rocker when you want to eat your dinner and have a glass of wine, then take him upstairs an hour or so later when you go to bed?

Original poster
Mississippilessly · 27/11/2018 17:56

darcey that is a good idea - thank you.

Ella thank you. You made me cry a bit. I have managed a couple pf hrs but not much. When DH is back from work he has sometimes taken the baby.

I had a shower last night while he was settling a screaming DS. I went in and tried and he settled in about a minute.
It is all on me. I have a cold - again. I'm just shattered and a bit cross i have been told i am being neglectful by leaving DS upstairs whilst I had one drink.

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