I miss my evenings :-(

[Mississippilessly]

We have a 10 week old DS. Currently he is napping in his sling, we are in the bedroom in the dark.

Up until this week we have been following the rule of no longer than 90 mins awake between naps and then letting him nap for as long as he likes. This has dictated bedtime and we have had a couple.of evenings where he has napped until 9pm or so. He will usually nap for about 2.5 hrs at a time (only ever in the sling) This hasn't always worked and he still doesnt usually get the 15.5 hrs he apparently should get. I try so hard to get him that.

This week we are trying to get him to bed earlier to try and stretch his nighttime sleep.It has been 9pm for the past 2 nights. This has meant dinner on the bed on the dark then straight to sleep for DH and I.

Today he has napped for about 6hrs. He is asleep now, has been for an hr. This is longer than they say he should be asleep for in the day.

Do I wake him up? If i let him sleep i could watch a tv programme in peace but i wonder if he would go longer at night if he had fewer naps.

My head hurts. I so want to be able to put him to bed and then just have a tiny bit of baby free time. But I am also scared of waking him - it seems wrong.

Help! I have no instinct here!

TLDR: Would you wake a baby up?!

DD slept when she slept. They don't know day from night at first. We just kept her with us, if she woke in the night she got fed, changed, whatever in very dim lighting and cuddled if she wouldn't go back to sleep, but no getting up or anything (DH did occasionally sleep in the spare room so he wasn't shattered for work). She soon figured out what was day and night and went back to sleep if it was night (still woke loads, but not for long).

So our bedtime was her bedtime, if she went to sleep before then she slept downstairs and we took her up asleep when we went. I don't think she slept upstairs without us until about 5 months when she'd established her own routine, I think at that point her bedtime was about 9! I don't think we got our evening back until she was about 11 months and her bedtime dropped back to about 7:30.

That worked for us though, friends did sleep training at 6 months and got their evening back after a week of listening to their DC cry, others had DC that naturally slept 7-7, you get what you're given and figure out what you need to do with it. Good luck!

Stop comparing yourself and your baby to others. Stop it right now.

1. ^You’re not them*
2. 7-7 at 10 weeks does happen but it sure as hell ain’t normal
3. whispers they could be exaggerating... and if not, they’re on the cusp of it all changing... again!

DC1 here would go down around 7:30-8pm in the Moses in our room from six weeks, then wake for the odd feed. DC2 was having. None. Of. That. and was well past three months before would entertain being put down anywhere but on me for the evening.

But guess what happens? It passes! It truly does. Many of us on here can testify to that. What it means in the meantime, though, is it’s no less fucking hard. Ten weeks in this context can be a long old time.

Don’t doubt yourself. Your baby is being a baby. It honestly is early days yet. Smile, nod, and forget the rest. You’ve made a start at reclaiming your evenings; it will improve gradually. You’ve got this.

Utter formatting fail. I’m bushed. The irony!

LookImAHooman that was lovely post!

I don’t mean to sound awful but I really don’t understand what you are doing/trying to do with the 90 minute thing? But I’ve just seen that you say you’ve spent the day with people who’s baby’s sleep 7-7 in the cot? Don’t listen to them for a start! it’s either made up or they are an exception!
When mine were little just had them downstairs in Moses basket (or on the sofa when they outgrew Moses basket) till we went to bed, then brought them up with us, mine all breasted so spent most evenings cluster feeding in fact spent most of the whole day cluster feeding - or so it felt! Inbetween feeds they might have little sleeps that’s the time to cook/eat etc or I think I mostly ate one handed while I fed them
This is just how it is when they are babies, when we went up to bed They would end up co-sleeping.
Just relax - let the baby lead - you don’t need to be eating in the dark

Thanks 'Look*
I just feel like I am doing it all wrong! I would love a bit of time without bubba. I am also worried I am letting him nap for too long and ruining night sleep.

Bugger me this is TOUGH!

Nah, at 10 wks mine always just napped when tired and slept on one of our laps until we went up to bed.

chicky what i mean is when he is awake in the day he has about a 90 min time of being awake before he needs a nap

Of course we cant transfer him from sling to crib without waking him...

in my experience bedtime gets earlier around 14-15 weeks, not far off for you. Most people don’t have evenings with a 10 week old, many babies still have colic at that point and scream all evening! Your routine and baby both sound v normal to me. I would have mine downstairs and watch tv as per previous posters which made it less painful.

Golden rule: Never Wake A Sleeping Baby!

I really don’t think you can ruin night sleep like that at this age, though - their circadian rhythms aren’t quite up to speed yet. However, it’s definitely still useful to demonstrate night and day to help them along, but that’s really another point. It’s definitely healthier to try to follow 90 mins awake time, though. Tbh if he’s going down around 9, I’d call that a win. Shit, innit?! But it brings me back to the ‘it passes’ bit (don’t punch me).

Are you bf?

No don't wake the baby. We used to do this with our first. Big mistake.m, she'd scream all evening/night. As soon as we started letting her sleep when she wanted she settled down. Currently have a 4.5 week old fast asleep in his Moses basket in the living room, while we have had a 5yo and 3yo bouncing about and the TV on. Babies will sleep through anything. There is no 'set' routine at that age and you can't enforce one, it just doesn't work. Just go with what your baby wants.

Good luck OP. Right there with you with the sleep deprivation x

Op ten weeks is still so tiny! Our ds started having a proper routine and bedtime at around 4 months old and I started getting my evenings back. If I'd have tried to do it any earlier it wouldn't have happened.

I know how tough it is, but the time will go so quickly and before you know it you should have a good couple of hours each night to eat dinner, watch tv etc.

Does he need to be in a sling all the time when your at home? Can’t you just try cuddling him to sleep without the sling? Might be easier to sneak him out of your arms onto the sofa/bed etc I do find that my babies seemed to be allergic to cots but would sleep elsewhere!

You can't really get it wrong tbh. It just is what it is. If you let go of any expectations of what you think should be happening you might find it's easier psychologically. He's still very very little. I would say let go of the strict timings a little and just see how he reacts.

Re the 7-7 thing ... I had a friend who said her baby slept 7-7 from 12 weeks. She neglected to mention her baby waking at 1am and 4am for a feed because she thought it didn't count!

We let's ours sleep happily in the living room at that age and enjoyed our evening

You probably can't transfer from sling to crib easily, you probably need to ditch the sling after about 7pm in case of nap-turned-bedtime.

We had the sleepyhead (I know they aren't recommended now), so we used that for late downstairs naps and carried her up in it, a large cushion would probably do the trick and be easier to transfer from. Pre-warming the crib (hot water bottle for a bit before bedtime, obviously remove before adding baby) can really help with transfers

(Although actually, I did manage the sling to crib transfer a few times, also car seat to crib, but DD was one of those 'doesn't sleep but when she does she's out' babies, and I had to do it veeeery slowly)

Blimey, what a lot of fuss. You're making life a bit miserable.

Like others, we just let ours sleep downstairs until we went to bed. Some evenings I was breastfeeding all evening, some evening we got to eat in peace.

I'd accept that this bit is all over the place. Does it really matter?

Aw it's horrible when you're just not sure what to do with them , you question everything but trust me it doesn't have to be that difficult.. at that age I think I just put DS down at whatever time he slept at and left him too it or let him sleep in the living room with you?

Not to be the "let me just give you one piece of advice" mum but something I swear by is getting a baby used to noise and light. From the minute DS was home from hospital , there was hoovers , washing machines , low music and tv most of the time and intentionally ( neighbours must have loved us ) now he will sleep through anything. Don't get me wrong bedtime should be wind down time and relaxing but there is times where it can't always be.

You'll get there with it , you'll look back in a few months and think "did we really do that?" And this will all be a blur

Op, there's no right or wrong but I think you need to cut yourself some slack and go with the flow a bit more. Your baby has only very very recently learned that there's a difference between night and day. Sleep patterns are also massively affected by growth spurts at this age. I wouldn't worry about how much baby is sleeping in the day. For night time I would have a little routine around 8pm to signal the end of the day and during the night itself keep the lights off, avoid eye contact etc to try and lengthen the stretches of sleep between wakings.

I'm sitting downstairs with 11 week old DD who I've just managed to get down asleep in the sleepyhead. We'll take her up to bed when we go up. She had a bath at 7 and has been awake/feeding since.

I'm sure I'll be contradicted, but imo 10 week old babies shouldn't be doing 7-7 anyway as they'll need feeding during the night.

As I say there's no right or wrong but I think you're making this harder for yourself by overthinking. Just do what feels right for you.

Stop clock watching. Seriously. Whether that be how long he's slept or how many hrs you have had. It's far better and easier and less worrying if you just go with the flow.
Baby is far too little for a routine.
It is tough, I remember with my first writing down what he did, trying to get a routine.
He actually was quite and easy baby yet still I stressed, I think that's normal for a first baby. I remember dreading night times and thought things would never be normal again.

Onto baby number three and he's 6 months now. The last week or so he's been going to bed at 7pm. He often wakes in the night but the bed time has been fairly consistent.
Up until then, he slept downstairs with us. Sometimes he'd wake and play in the evening. Then we'd take him to bed when we were tired. Life is fairly relaxed and normal, mostly cos he has to fit around my other two and in already set up/preparees/used to life with babies and children. The first is always a bit of a shock to the system.

Anyway, stop clock watching and just go with the flow.

My DS didn't do 7-7 until he was 1 and even now at 18 months we bedshare and even now sometimes it is 7-4.30. Just be flexible, 10 week olds don't need a 'bedtime', they just wake up and sleep in 3 hourly cycles throughout the day for months. And don't listen to other people they're full of shit.

When you're settling him into a new routine you may need to wake him from naps. We did this with DD. She was up 2hrly at night but sleeping in 4hr blocks during the day and I just snapped one day with a 'I just can't do this anymore'. I think it's about what works for you, your family and your baby.

I didn't do routines at that age and even more at 8.5 months our routines are relatively loose... Day time naps he tended to take in the pram as and when he needed them.. No set times or lengths.. Until 6 months he slept in pram (or on us) downstairs until 10ish when we were ready to go to bed.. Now he trends to go down in cot upstairs around 730 but some days like tonight if we are out he either sleeps in pram or is happy to chat and look round him in a high chair...
I did try with the has to get this number of hours sleep each day at these times when he was tiny bit ds didn't agree with those rules.. He had made his own and I'm much happier now to go with them..I'll be honest he doesn't also 7-7 he still gets up a couple of times during the night to feed but then he is still catching up on weight percentiled so I think he is just a hungry baby.. Generally he wakes feeds and goes back to sleep fairly quickly then wakes for the day around 7 do what's right for you (and don't listen to all the ones who say all babies should be sleeping 7-7)