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Original poster

DD assaulted in primary school

81 replies

UpsetAngryFurious · 18/11/2018 02:07

Yesterday DD's headteacher called me in because a boy in her class had stuck his hand down her trousers (witnessed by other children. I was told that on further questioning my DD reported that it wasn't the first time. She's said that it's been happening almost daily but she was too scared to tell and didn't want to get in trouble. Obviously I'm devastated for her but I'm also angry. Has someone who's been in a similar position got any advice of steps to take? Thanks

OP posts:
butterflywings37 · 18/11/2018 08:46

This is nothing to do with OFSTED at the moment. Neither is it a police situation

Ask to speak to the school designated safeguarding lead, ask what they are going to do about it & also ask if the local safeguarding team have been informed.

See how this goes and the school's response. If you are not happy speak to the local safeguarding team.

I would also want some pastoral care for your daughter to address what has happened and the school need to implement some lessons based on the nspcc activities such as PANTS rules. The boy also needs support to identify why & if he fully understands what he is doing.

Original poster
UpsetAngryFurious · 18/11/2018 09:48

Thank you everyone. We will be speaking to the headteacher tomorrow about how they will be keeping DD safe moving forward. It might seem harsh but I'm not really interested in how this boy has got to where he has, only that having now found out that he has been doing this to my DD for months that I can help her to deal with any feelings she has and ensure that she feels able to speak up if anything happens again.

OP posts:
Skybird · 18/11/2018 10:59

I know the teaches have a lot of children to deal with but how has this gone completely un noticed for months, rather worrying.

TeenTimesTwo · 18/11/2018 12:23

Sky the OP didn't know, so I don't really see why the school should be expected to have.

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 18/11/2018 12:30

Sky the OP didn't know, so I don't really see why the school should be expected to have

But she's in school when it's happening, and the OP isn't there but the teachers are Confused

OP you need the head to tell you immediately what will be done and how your DD will be kept safe from that moment. Not after meetings, etc. Punishment or whatever action for the boy may take some deciding and discussion, but your DDs safety is the paramount consideration initially.

TeenTimesTwo · 18/11/2018 12:40

Teachers don't have eyes on all children all the time.

In infants they often have mixed toilets.
There may be play houses in the playground.
There will be times and places where children can be hidden for a minute or two.

Original poster
UpsetAngryFurious · 18/11/2018 12:46

I went into school as soon as I was called. I've spoken to DD a lot over the weekend about why she felt she couldn't say anything about it but if I had known sooner of course I would have brought it up with the school. We're going in first thing tomorrow so hopefully they can explain how they can protect her now, but as it's a single form entry school I won't be surprised if moving schools is the only way that we can truly stop it.

OP posts:
Original poster
UpsetAngryFurious · 18/11/2018 12:50

TeenTimesTwo you've hit the nail on the head there. Mixed toilets and apparently he has been following her in. It also explains why DD has had a few accidents on way home from school recently as she's tried to avoid going in there. So I'm now one of those parents who has to ask myself how we've missed this.

OP posts:
TeenTimesTwo · 18/11/2018 12:50

I would keep an open mind. Moving schools might make your DD think she has done something wrong.
Help for the boy.
Help your DD to be assertive.
PANTS rule.
Should be enough.

TeenTimesTwo · 18/11/2018 12:53

So mixed toilets. Rules can be put in place re the boy / TA keeping an eye he only goes in there when empty. Your DD (and the whole of infants) can be talked to re PANTS rule and being LOUD and ASSERTIVE of their privacy.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/11/2018 12:54
Flowers

Your poor dd.

I hope that it's taken seriously and your dd is supported.

notapizzaeater · 18/11/2018 12:58

Your poor dd - put it all in writing as well so they can't just brush it under the carpet.

Nicknacky · 18/11/2018 13:09

I had a very similar situation when my daughter was about 7 when the boy she was sitting next to kept “dropping” his pencil and trying to put his hand up her skirt, she didn’t tell me and I found out through another school mum. My daughter didn’t think it was a big deal so never mentioned it!

I went into the school to see the head with the mum of another girl he had done it to and we had a calm conversation and he was moved to sit elsewhere.

School contacted his parents and I left it at that as I had done my part.

Not to mention conversations with my daughter about boundaries etc. He never did anything similar and one of my concerns was he was ostracised for it which thankfully he wasn’t and is now a good friend of my daughter.

Skybird · 18/11/2018 13:59

@TeenTimesTwo it's been happening in school for months, the op is not it the school so obvisoly she wouldn't have know but it's happening in school and no one had an inkling, quite worrying.

Skybird · 18/11/2018 14:01

Like the teachers couldn't sense anything, they didn't notice why the little girl was afraid of using the toilets, no other children had mentiond it in class, the boy is not known for this in the past???? Worrying that this has slip through the net for probably longer than a few months

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/11/2018 14:14

sky

There have been cases in the paper of it happening infront of staff members and then scalding the girl as opposed to dealing with the boy.

I fear that when schools can notice a minute uniform violation or lunch box contraband from half a mile away yet abuse goes on under their noses unnoticed , that it's little more than selective blindness tbh.

butterflywings37 · 18/11/2018 15:35

Giles are you trying to say schools are purposely ignoring boys inappropriately touching girls and allowing it to go on?

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/11/2018 15:40

I'm saying they see undesirable behaviour and brush it off as boys being boys or kids being curious or whatever . In other words totally minimising the whole thing. And then put the responsibility on the victims . Ie "just stay away from them" or "tell me if they do it again" . And 9 times out of ten the kids don't wabt to bother the teacher or will take it as meaning it's their fault.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 18/11/2018 15:50

There have been reports in the press as per Giles comments recently. There was a whole thread about it. Some terrible stories of girls beign blamed for being sexually assaulted by boys, really little girls.

There is a person on this thread who has used some subtle victim blaming of the girl and expressed much more concern for teh boy than the girl - this is not uncommon.

OP -
Your priority needs to be absolute reassurance from teh school that they are acting to ensure that your daughter is safe. That is your lookiut.

Some good posts with resources on here and advice from NSPCC etc.

What is all this loudly and assertively setting boundaries stuff though? That is putting rather a lot on little girls who are generally taught to be "good", look after others, be kind, be quiet etc etcc etc. Another thread probably.

Nicknacky · 18/11/2018 16:50

Nothing Are you referring to my post when you mention concern for the boy?

lonalsland · 18/11/2018 17:39

I'm sorry your daughter has had to suffer this OP Thanks

I hope there will be a full investigation into how this 6 year old boy even had the idea to do this, ok, he could have accidentally seen Mum and Dad doing something, but alarm bells would be ringing if I was social services there.

Janedoe5000 · 18/11/2018 18:16

This is learned behaviour. Where did he learn it from? You need to report this to as many authorities as you can.

Those trying to play down this event should be ashamed of themselves.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 18/11/2018 18:16

nicknack - no

ASauvignonADay · 18/11/2018 18:23

There's some really good advice on this thread.

The school should do a risk assessment and put in steps to ensure all the children are safe.
Revisiting the NSPCC PANTS (id thought they would have used it already).
Who knows what is going on with the other child and you won't find out - there may already be other concerns/involvement. Trust that the school will do everything they can.

Police and ofsted do not sound necessary at this point. Give them an opportunity to sort it out.

Imissgmichael · 18/11/2018 19:20

Give the opportunity to sort it out? Dear god. Nope no way. Your telling a girl to put up with sexual assault and making the boy the victim. It’s funny isn’t it that you don’t hear about little girls sexually assaulting little boys.

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