Awful argument with DP about peas

[MrsCillianMurphy2]

I had a pretty awful childhood.
One memory is a roast dinner.
Lots of lovely food but a huge pile of peas. I hated peas. My Dad locked me in the dining room . I wasn’t allowed any water. 40 years later I can still the peas with a layer of grease where they’d turned cold. I wasn’t allowed to leave until every last pea had been eaten.
DP knows I have an absolute hatred of peas.
Today DP & I cooked dinner- peas for him & leeks for us both.
DP served up & handed me my plate. A huge plate of peas.
I reached for the spoon to remove them from my plate :
‘You fucking ungrateful cow. You treat me like an imbecile ‘
I ate dinner with tears pouring down my face.
He says I’m being overly sensitive

What a shit. I'd have lobbed the peas at his face.

This obviously triggered an awful childhood memory. His reaction was rude and uncalled for. Did you say anything while you reached for the spoon to remove them. If he knows why you hate peas, I truly do not understand why he did this. I’m sorry

Is he generally a complete unfeeling arsehole or is this a new development?

He called you a fucking ungrateful cow because you wanted to remove a food you didn't like from your plate????

Even without the backstory of the abusive peas incident this is awful. You can eat what you want when you want. Take a deep breath. Go to him and in a very cold voice telll him he is fucking abusive prick and if he ever says or does something like that again peas will be the least of his fucking worries. I am so angry on your behalf. Is he usually like this?

He's a twat. I'd have lobbed the whole lot at him!
Is he always like this?

If he really did use those words to you, he clearly places no value or respect on you or your feelings.
You should not allow anyone to speak to you in that manner.

His response to you was awful. There is no excuse for that.

WTAF? Did you eat rhe peas? Does he have previous for being abusive? Why didn't you chuck the peas at him?

TBH this was the first meal in months he’d ‘served up’ so I think I was meant to be grateful he was a actually helping.
It seems such a silly argument but he knows, he knows my triggers. If he’d just said ‘ I’m sorry MrsCillian I forgot ‘ I would understand.

Such a massive and nasty overreaction on his part!

So... what actually happened then? There's a lot missing in this story and it isn't about peas.

Why would he say You treat me like an imbecile?

That is awful.

Abusive people use phrases like “overly sensitive” to dismiss and minimise other’s concerns. It’s gaslighting bullshit.

It's not just about the peas, why the fuck would he say that to you? That's awful.

Personally I wouldn't stay with someone like that

he sounds a right piece of work. I'm sorry OP. Don't stand for this. Calm down and then tell him clearly and coldly that you are not over sensitive and will not tolerate this from him. end of story. And don't.

I'm all but guaranteeing that this isn't the first instance of this nature?

That’s a huge overreaction to anyone not eating a food on their plate. Is there something else going on? What’s the reason he decided to cook for the first time in months?

I don’t care if he knew about the story about peas or not but if it’s taken him months to cook you a meal, that for one is not good. If you then don’t like something and take it away it shouldn’t result in them saying ‘you fucking ungrateful cow’ ever, EVER. He’s a spoilt pig that k laws that so wants to make you feel guilty about him (finally) cooking a meal and you not shouting his praises. That’s not nice.

DP served up & handed me my plate. A huge plate of peas

Presumably there was other stuff on your plate, and it wasn't just a 'huge plate of peas'?
The way you've written the OP makes me think that you may have a tendency to be a bit over-dramatic and have purposely skimmed details of what was said between you to paint your DP in a bad light and get some sympathy from posters here.
Am I right?

If he did actually say 'you fucking ungrateful cow', then he shouldn't have spoken to you that way. But I do think you seem overly sensitive to have 'tears pouring down your face' over this.

Or did he say it with a kind of playful smirk on his face? That would change the tone of this thread. If not, then he is the imbecile.

I was made to sit in the kitchen when i was a child for hours because i didn't eat my peas too! But that memory doesn't affect me as much as yours do you and i enjoy eating them. Fussy eaters piss me off too but it was obviously rude of your husband to speak to you like that.

You ate the DH-served peas?
Are you afraid of what he might do?

He called you ungrateful presumably because he dished you up peas and you were removing them (not saying this is remotely acceptable btw-he was extremely offensive and it was totally out of order ) but why would he say You treat me like an imbecile? I don’t get that at all-it doesn’t make sense?

He knows your history and is a knobber to have even gone there.

This is exactly the kind of thing my abusive, possibly narcissistic XP would have done and said.

He probably gave you the peas on purpose as a kind of test of your reactions. That's why he reacted as soon as you simply went for the spoon.