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Original poster

Awful argument with DP about peas

79 replies

MrsCillianMurphy2 · 16/11/2018 22:01

I had a pretty awful childhood.
One memory is a roast dinner.
Lots of lovely food but a huge pile of peas. I hated peas. My Dad locked me in the dining room . I wasn’t allowed any water. 40 years later I can still the peas with a layer of grease where they’d turned cold. I wasn’t allowed to leave until every last pea had been eaten.
DP knows I have an absolute hatred of peas.
Today DP & I cooked dinner- peas for him & leeks for us both.
DP served up & handed me my plate. A huge plate of peas.
I reached for the spoon to remove them from my plate :
‘You fucking ungrateful cow. You treat me like an imbecile ‘
I ate dinner with tears pouring down my face.
He says I’m being overly sensitive

OP posts:
IStandWithPosie · 16/11/2018 22:33

You fucking ungrateful cow.

No-one would call me that and ever share a bed with me again.

Weenurse · 16/11/2018 22:33

This was me with a lamb chop aged about 8. I was given it again for breakfast. I hate lamb to this day and DH knows this. When he wants lamb he will buy me an alternative.
Having said that, he gets very unhappy if I don’t want to eat what he has cooked.
When things are calmer in s few days, just tell him quietly and in a non judgmental way, what he did to trigger you and how you felt about it, and ask him not to do it again. Then leave it there.

LewisMam · 16/11/2018 22:34

Total over-reaction to something as minor as you removing peas from your plate. He’s an abusive prick. I’d have flung my plate at the wall, and his plate too so he had nothing to eat.

IStandWithPosie · 16/11/2018 22:36

He put the peas on to start a row with you. He set you up for this row. What else is going on? Is he looking an excuse to storm out of the house? Cheating?

Kittykat93 · 16/11/2018 22:39

Op wtf, leave the bastard. That was so difficult and upsetting to read.

I'm so sorry for what you went through Thanks

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/11/2018 22:41

Is there any foodstuff he absolutely hates with a passion?

Bung him a plateful every night until he realises what a twat he is.

s PP has said, even without the horrible memory - you don't HAVE to eat food you don't like. I don't, I don't make my children eat food they don't like, and I respect other people's likes and dislikes.

He's a git for doing this, he's a worse git for abusing you for not wanting to eat them. Fee him food he dislikes until he realises how unreasonable he is.

Then

LTB.

RebelWitchFace · 16/11/2018 22:42

He did it on purpose... to be funny or to get a reaction out of you. Either way he's a dick and i bet you won't ask him to "help" with dinner again. He got what he wanted.

I have issues with lamb. While out OH ordered a huge mix platter of lamb and chicken. Because the lamb touched the chicken i could still taste it and smell it,so couldn't eat it(I'm weird). He simply apologised,said he didn't realise and asked if I'd like something else. No need for name calling or arguments.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/11/2018 22:42

*Feed him, not fee him

toastedbeagle · 16/11/2018 22:44

I have the same issue following a childhood trauma with baked beans. There's no way my DH would ever serve me them and expect to eat them.

I'm sorry OP he sounds awful

Celebelly · 16/11/2018 22:44

Yet another lovely specimen of mankind. If someone who claimed to love me called me a 'fucking ungrateful cow', that would be the first and last time they did so. What an appalling way to speak to someone you allegedly care about. Even if he had forgotten, giving him the benefit of the doubt, his reaction was awful. And stuff like this is never isolated. Nice, caring, supportive partners don't just suddenly behave like this once and never do it again.

Runnynosehunny · 16/11/2018 22:47

LTP

Justlikedevon · 16/11/2018 22:49

Abusive cunt.

Orchiddingme · 16/11/2018 22:50

So- you were bullied in childhood and now you are being bullied in adulthood. I'm so sorry OP.

No-one should make their partner eat anything they don't want to eat, or make them cry over food.

How can we help you? I'm guessing this isn't the only bad thing your husband said to you lately...

3ChangingForNow · 16/11/2018 22:51

Go and get some counselling to look after yourself. See if, after that, a relationship with this guy is viable with strong boundaries, or if you've found yourself with an abusive arsehole.

PippaRabbit · 16/11/2018 22:52

‘You fucking ungrateful cow. You treat me like an imbecile ‘

I wouldn't be spoken to like this by anyone tbh. I also wouldn't have eaten the food he'd cooked if he'd spoken to me like that. Your DH sounds like an arse. If you're sitting eating food you hate while crying to please him then there's an issue, get out now and leave the controllling bastard behind.

Celebelly · 16/11/2018 22:52

Please tell me you didn't eat the peas.

IStandWithPosie · 16/11/2018 22:53

I have mistakenly put a “disliked” food on my DCs plates many times because I forget who likes what sometimes. Whenever they squawk I say “oh sorry love, I forgot! Here, put it on my plate” and that’s it. Because I like my children and want them to enjoy their meals. Imagine if I called them a fucking ungrateful cow!! Shock

FoodGloriousFud · 16/11/2018 22:55

He sounds vile. Hope you're ok and have the strength to leave.

Alwaysasparklymoment99 · 16/11/2018 22:57

He sounds like an arse. I would question your relationship with him tbh. Are you sure you are in a healthy relationship?

springydaff · 16/11/2018 23:00

He's an abuser. You need to leave this revolting man.

Easy to say, I appreciate that. But it must be your aim. He is abusing you and it will get worse.

He hasn't cooked for months, he knows your triggers and set you up (unbelievably cruel!), he severely verbally abused you, you ate the meal in tears. It's time to go.

Contact your local Womens Aid who will support you, listen to you, believe you and give you a strategy to get out safely.

I'm so sorry for your vile childhood Flowers

smithsinarazz · 16/11/2018 23:06

What a horrible way for him to behave. Someone who can yell and swear at an adult - any adult - for not eating something they don't like has got problems. You don't deserve that sort of shite. Nobody does. Big hugs xx

smithsinarazz · 16/11/2018 23:07

@springydaff yes, absolutely.

BettyDuMonde · 16/11/2018 23:07

Ultimately the childhood experience is neither here nor there. You are a grown woman and any man who believes he can dictate what you do or don’t eat is a tosser.

So, what’s your escape plan?

Zoosie · 16/11/2018 23:19

Numpty DH

Why did you not scrape said peas into bin? You don’t eat food you don’t want.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 16/11/2018 23:38

That is disgusting behaviour! I need you to hear me when I tell you that you deserve better than this and incase you don't know just because it's not as bad as your previous experiences absolutely does not make being treated like that ok.

Is this an isolated and unusual behaviour from him or does this form part of a bigger pattern of similar situations?

Can I ask why you sat there eating with tears streaming?
Was this because you were triggered and felt you couldn't leave due to the memory or because you felt he wouldn't let you leave the table?
Did this happen with him sitting with you eating and ignoring your upset?