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Original poster

Friend lied about her wedding!

55 replies

Tillytoes1 · 16/11/2018 17:41

Hi,
I have a really good friend who I have been friends with since our children were 5 (they’re now 12), we had pregnancies 6 weeks apart and spent a lot of time together and also I’ve been there for her during her grief when she had her miscarriage and also when her brother died suddenly and always have made time for each other for a coffee etc. Last year I knew she was getting married to her partner, which she had told me had taken place in her home country, as she said she didn’t want a big wedding and only wanted close family there. Last night I saw a post which someone had shared with her on Facebook and she had actually got married locally with many of her friends and family present, some being friends I also know who we both met through our children’s school.
I am so puzzled why she felt the need to lie about her wedding, which I can only assume that she did so because she didn’t want us present on her big day, she even showed me pictures of her wedding dress before the big event.
I honestly don’t know what to think? Should I mention it when I see her next?
Has this friendship been one big lie and she actually doesn’t like being around me?
I’m not sure if I’m over-reacting but I just don’t understand why she lied to me about her wedding, I understand if she didn’t want me there on her big day but why lie to me about the whole thing.

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 16/11/2018 17:42

Does she know you’ve seen the photo?

Original poster
Tillytoes1 · 16/11/2018 17:44

We both don’t use Facebook a lot, so she may not even be aware this friend shared the photo. So she would assume I hadn’t seen it.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 16/11/2018 17:45

Comment under the photo? Something neutral so she sees it and see what happens.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
Original poster
Tillytoes1 · 16/11/2018 17:49

That’s what I was thinking but I just can’t work out why she lied about it. It was a big wedding too, not a small wedding like she said she wanted, I just can’t work out why she felt the need to lie about everything.

OP posts:
Copperbonnet · 16/11/2018 17:51

It’s terribly strange.

I think I’d tell her politely that I’d seen the photo and ask why she lied.

You might as well find out the truth because the friendship is pretty much over now anyway.

dontalltalkatonce · 16/11/2018 17:55

I'd confront her and go from there.

SummerStrong · 16/11/2018 17:59

I'd comment something like 'what lovely photos' or 'it looked like a lovely day, congratulations' to show her you have definitely seen the photos and then wait and see her response.

I would confront her or ask her about it, you are completely correct that she has lied to you because she did not want you there. For this reason the friendship is over now, she's quite cruel and a liar too so you really haven't lost much. I'm sorry, this really sucks but at least you've seen her true colours.

SummerStrong · 16/11/2018 18:00

*wouldn't confront

BasicUsername · 16/11/2018 18:02

So did this wedding happen last year? And this is the first you've heard of it? That makes me think that your mutual friends were all told to keep it from you as well 😐

Original poster
Tillytoes1 · 16/11/2018 18:13

Yes it happened last year, I wouldn’t say they were friends more associates, who we spoke to through parents of our children. All of them upper-class and maybe because I was middle-class, maybe I wasn’t good enough to invite, who knows but I think it’s something I need to find out. I don’t know if she would have told them to keep it from them because it’s not like we all got together and spoke often and as I’ve only just seen, I haven’t found out until now through the Facebook post. It’s just all very odd and I can’t fathom it out but feel it will most likely change the friendship altogether.

OP posts:
OffToBedhampton · 16/11/2018 18:16

Bizarre she didn't tell you.

I'd comment something like 'what lovely photos' or 'it looked like a lovely day, congratulations' to show her you have definitely seen the photos and then wait and see her response.
This ^^
It does seem she doesn't see you as close a friend as you view her but is possible it was a small wedding that 'ran away with itself'.

Sausagefingers9 · 16/11/2018 18:18

I would have to say something.
“Hi friend,
I have seen the post on your Facebook account showing that you got married here blah di blah.
I have to say I’m quite upset that you didn’t feel you could be honest with me. Is there a reason why you felt you couldn’t tell me?”

Redglitter · 16/11/2018 18:21

I wouldn't confront her but I'd definitely post a comment on the photos let her know you've seen it

WallisFrizz · 16/11/2018 18:24

How often do you actually see/contact each other now your children are older. Is it possible you’ve drifted apart?

CatsCatsCats11 · 16/11/2018 18:25

Could it potentially be she likes you and not your partner (if you have one). I would definitely confront her.

NicoleRD · 16/11/2018 18:27

I wouldn't post a comment under the photo - especially if she doesn't use Facebook often.

Just ask her when you see her, you can tell by her reaction if she's lying too.

NicoleRD · 16/11/2018 18:29

It's very strange though, it sounds like you've been a good friend to her.
This is a shitty move, surely she'll have an explanation.

BirdieInTheHand · 16/11/2018 18:29

If she's a friend surely the only response is to text her saying "bloody hell did you get married last year?!"

If she doesn't respond then your answer is the friendship is over.

If she responds with a yes but no explanation then the next text is "bloody hell why didn't you tell me?!"

If she responds and explains then see how you feel after that.

ijustwantasofa · 16/11/2018 18:30

I wouldn't just leave a neutral comment as suggested, as she might just post 'thanks!' and you'll be none the wiser.
I'd ask gently but directly what you want to know.

Is it possible she got married in her home country and family/ groom's family threw a party locally, like when people elope?

Awrite · 16/11/2018 18:33

People do lie.

Why though, that is the question.

You are going to have to ask her. Be prepared for her to lie again.

HurricaneHalle · 16/11/2018 18:34

Despite everyone having the absolute right to decide who does and doesn't get on the guest list it's completely acceptable to feel hurt by this.

Typical FB. Causing more drama.

I liked @BirdieInTheHand's approach if you can be bothered. Sometimes it's better to not know and move on with your life without her in it.

Mxyzptlk · 16/11/2018 18:41

I wouldn't post a comment under the photo - especially if she doesn't use Facebook often.

^^ She may never see a FB comment so there's no point doing that.

I'd ask her about it.
You aren't going to be able to go on as before anyway so you may as well find out what she says about it.

WomanAndProud · 16/11/2018 18:45

Either way the friendship is over. Either you leave it be and never contact her again, or you ask her to know.

Does she ever contact you though?

SummerStrong · 16/11/2018 18:46

Why would you push her for a reason? Surely the fact that she didn't want you there and lied to you is enough to make you just walk away from the friendship?

She'll only lie again and say she had 'limited numbers' or something like that. I would worry that if I asked her I'd appear needy, I'd rather just walk away from her, fuck that shit...life's too short.

But definitely comment of the post, so she knows why you've dropped her friendship.

6onTheHappyFarm · 16/11/2018 18:49

How strange. Could there have been someone invited to the wedding who you or your DH don't get along with? An ex or anyone that would make things really awkward if you were there too?

Just putting it out there as a possibility. Hope you get to the bottom of it.