"Where are you from?"

[MuseumofInnocence]

I was with my DP yesterday and we were asked this question. For context, we have different nationalities (British and German), and we live in another country (from those two nationalities). We were asked this question by a Doctor. All of a sudden, my DP stuttered and ummed and paused and couldn't respond. I immediately said I was British. The question was asked as an icebreaker.

My DP and I discussed this later about why he struggled to answer. For me, it's easy, I'm British, and my parents are British and I was born and grew up in one city where I lived until I went to university.

In contrast, my DP was also born in one city and lived in that one city in Germany until he went to University, but he is mixed race (German / East Asian), with his father being German. When I asked DP, he found it hard to answer that question, without somehow "betraying his mother", which I thought was overthinking it. It also brought up issues of race (he doesn't look purely typically German).

However, it did get me thinking. For you, if someone asks you where you're from, is it an easy question to answer? Do you have to unpeel these layers of identity to give a simple answer? It got us thinking about how such a benign question could be interpreted.

I have an answer, but it wasn’t really the one people were looking for. I’m American (born and raised) but my parents were immigrants. In the States, when I’d say the city I was from, people were often confused. I’d get “But where are you from originally?”

Since moving to the UK, it’s easier in some ways. People hear my accent and expect me to say that I’m American or Canadian.

I’m not sure what to say sometimes when we are travelling. Yes I’m from the US originally, but that’s not where I’ve travelled from and it’s not my home anymore.

I've had this issue as I am also mixed heritage. Although I have dark hair and olive skin, my features make it different for people to place me. I don't like to discuss it because I was born and raised in Britain. I identify as British. My mother is white British and raised me. My father was never in my life. I've never had any involvement with his culture so I almost feel like a fraud.

My accent doesn't match where I was born - very poor area - so people are surprised when I tell them I'm from there. I don't like ppl being nosey with me, so I just tell them I've lived in a few different places and lead them off the subject.

very obvious mixed race here but where im from is given away by my very Scottish accent. The answer to the question is always Scotland as this is where i was born and brought up. Usually this answer is followed by "where are you really from though" .

I am a born Geordie but haven't lived there for 30 years!! Still get accused of not being from where I live (another North East town!!) as I still have a slight twang!!

Perhaps you should answer 'from my mother's womb'.

I always say where I was born and still feel is my country, Scotland. However I have lived in a lot of different countries and do not have a Scottish accent, so often it becomes a bigger conversation than I can ever be arsed with.
People just like to know, I guess they then feel they understand you in some way.

Parents from two different countries, born in a third country, raised in a fourth. Never met anyone who could place my accent. Lots of people seem to want my life story (more fool them, it's pretty dull).
I have two ways of answering : 1) a believable lie or 2) automatic overrehearsed spell that lays out the facts, depending on the situation.

I often feel that people who ask lots of questions about it are trying to 'place' me, rather than get to know me. And I already know that my accent is 'unusual', thanks.

*spiel

DD really struggles to answer this as she’s a forces child and has lived in so many places. She can’t remember the place she was born and hasn’t been back since.

I used to sometimes ask this as small talk, as for me it is quite a straightforward question , and I think 50 years ago it probably was quite a harmless question. However I don’t tend to ask now as it can be difficult for various reasons.

Even dh finds this tricky (born USA, grew up Scotland, but lived most of his adult in north England).

I’m white british, as are all the past generations I know about, however I don’t look white british ( both parents dark hair/ olive skin - I’m a darker mixture of them) when people ask I always say London, this is always followed by where are you really from / parents from. People get quite annoyed when I don’t answer with a country that fits what they expect

I hate this question and all I've done is move around the UK a few times. It's impossible to give a simple answer that's true, and frankly I don't want to get into my and my parents' life stories when I'm meeting someone for the first time. My default is to say I'm "from" the last place I lived with my parents and where they still live, but actually I only ever lived there for 4 years and that was over a decade ago. This answer also erases the fact that although my accent doesn't fit where I live now, my mum was born and raised only half an hour away and when people talk to me as though I'm an outsider I feel like it's massively disrespectful to her and my late granddad.

Like a pp I’m white British but have dark eyes and olive skin so am often asked where I’m from. I love the looks in their faces when I reply the Cotswolds

I'm from Liverpool but have German heritage but am often told I look unusual as I've got very dark hair, very pale skin and very blue eyes. Lots of very's there!
Irish has been guessed quite a lot.

I've lived in Liverpool all of my life ( am 40 ) apart from university at another northern city. It's bizarre.

It's tricky though isn't it as the question can mean more than one thing and often people are genuinely interested in hearing about different cultures and experiences, even when uttering generations ago.

I have friends with very strong regional accents that are actually from abroad and English is their 2nd language- that really confuses people!

Like other posters I am white British with very dark hair and pale skin. I have french heritage but from about 3 or 4 generations back. I live in a Northern city which is very multiculturalI often used to get this question in work, usually from certain types of people gammons. One guy refused to let me look after him as he wanted an 'English' nurse . I don't even have a regional accent. His options then became Indian, Italian, Spanish, Jamaican, Kenyan or Romanian. He was not happy.

My grandparents are from 3 different continents, and my only ethnic connection to the UK is from the 1700s (but I have a London accent after living here for 20 years). No-one is able to place where I'm "from", myself included. My DH is similar. Has your DP read anything about "third culture kids", OP? That feeling of divided loyalties and belonging everywhere and nowhere at once is quite well documented.

I've always struggled with this. I was born on an army base abroad, and spent the first 17 years moving to different countries every 24 months. My passport is British but I often don't really feel like "home" is anywhere 😂

I would say I was born in XXX ( my birth country) but have been living in YYY ( my current country/city) for more than 10 years.

I would just never phrase a question in that way. It could so easily sound as if i was pointing out their difference, that they are not from here, that they are other.

If it came up, i would ask have you always lived around here. Simples. Though maybe you have to have moved around a bit before you really understand the difference.

I’ve only ever lived in the UK but also have a nightmare with this question, having moved around. On the rare occasions I ask about it, I use ‘where did you grow up?’

I’m from Belgium - came to the UK when I was 5. My parents moved back when I was at Uni. I planned on following them but met DH at Uni and we stayed in the UK. DH is French Canadian (don’t forget the French!). He came to the UK to study on a scholarship when he was 21. His parents live in Canada and his sister has moved to the US. Our DT’s were born in the UK and have Canadian passports - too difficult to get Belgian.