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Original poster

How to get info out of a potential new boyfriend?

82 replies

LemonLimerance · 13/11/2018 14:29

What would you write?

I have a guy that I have fooled around with a couple of times. I like him, but he does enjoy playing hard to get.

Our last meeting I had to cancel at short notice because I couldn't get childcare. I felt bad and arranged for him to come over on a weekend when my son would be abroad with his dad.

He expressed interest but hasn't actually confirmed if he's coming or not. I don't really like playing games but I need to know if he's coming! If he isn't, fine - I'm finding his attitude a bit of a turnoff, but I'm not going to just sit here waiting.

What can I say to give him a nudge? I don't want to sound aggressive but also don't want to sound pathetic.

OP posts:
Yourcupwillneverempty · 13/11/2018 21:48

When did you send the original message? If last weekend I'd get on with making other plans now, if yesterday I'd give it until tomorrow morning and if no response make other plans, he can't just turn up if you didn't say '6pm on Saturday' or make a firm invitation. If he does, fuck him. Not literally. Even if your other plans are a day/ night of shit telly and mooching whilst child free he can't just turn up!

Sleephead1 · 13/11/2018 22:00

could you just send something like hey are we on for the weekend ? just I've been invited out with collegue/ friend/ to a party let me know so I can make plans

limeandgingertoast · 13/11/2018 22:23

You've already asked him and he hasn't responded. No need to ask him again. Just get on with your life.

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Hezz · 13/11/2018 22:30

"Just doing my online shopping...is it a ready meal for one on Saturday or are you coming over?"

ThunderInMyHeart · 13/11/2018 22:34

If you need to chase him you already have your answer.

Don’t go out looking ‘shit hot’ just to make him feel jealous. Live your life in a way that makes YOU happy. Please work on your standards and STOP allowing yourself to be the victim.

You come across as so passive just in the way you write. Don’t forget that you teach people how to treat you.

Original poster
LemonLimerance · 14/11/2018 14:23

“Please work on your standards and STOP allowing yourself to be the victim.

You come across as so passive just in the way you write. Don’t forget that you teach people how to treat you.”

I see you’ve placed me in the “sad loser” box.

I have standards. I invited him, I regret it because he’s acting like a dick. That isn’t my fault. I just want to know the best way to close this down while retaining my dignity.

I have changed a few details which I guess might be making it seem like I’m being more passive than I actually am.

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonLimerance · 14/11/2018 14:25

“You've already asked him and he hasn't responded. No need to ask him again. Just get on with your life.”

Exactly how I feel. The thing is that I need certainty that he won’t randomly appear.

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonLimerance · 14/11/2018 14:27

“Even if your other plans are a day/ night of shit telly and mooching whilst child free he can't just turn up!”

Couldn’t agree more.

I sent the original message three days ago and the meet-up time is next week sometime. (Sorry for vagueness.)

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonLimerance · 14/11/2018 14:29

“I think if I’d made an offer like that and it hadn’t been responded to I’d be put off, it depends on how confident you are op, I might be insecure!
But you could say
“I’m wanting to plan my weekend, are you free or not?”

I am put off! I find his attitude a huge turnoff. At this point I want to say “I retract my invitation” but I also don’t want to sound bothered Hmm

OP posts:
Tangofandango · 14/11/2018 14:59

Just text him and say "My plans have changed and I won't be free on date." If he turns up don't answer the door.

HouseOnTheLake · 14/11/2018 15:12

Just text him and say "My plans have changed and I won't be free on date."

I wouldn't text that, it shows you're still thinking about him. If he replies/turns up just say you hadn't heard from him so assumed he wasn't coming and made alternative plans.

ThunderInMyHeart · 14/11/2018 15:44

You say you want to close it down...so close it down. Just block him.

You don’t owe him shit. He doesn’t get the say in whether you are dignified or not. Stop wasting time.

ThunderInMyHeart · 14/11/2018 15:48

And, yes, I have put you in ‘sad loser’ territory because I’ve been where you are several times. You’ll look back on this thread and cringe.

Just block the cunt and move on. He turns up? Bully for him. Don’t answer the door. Fuck him right off. Blocking him gives certainty of no more digital reappearances and sends the signal that you’re above his crap.

Original poster
LemonLimerance · 14/11/2018 16:05

“And, yes, I have put you in ‘sad loser’ territory because I’ve been where you are several times. You’ll look back on this thread and cringe.”

Please go back and re-read my OP. I am not sitting at home asking you all “does he like me?” “Why won’t he caaaaall”

I was just looking for a snappy way to find out some info.

Tango I would love to do that - it’s what he deserves tbh - but then he will feel like the wronged party. In real life, if that happened, he wouldn’t slink off thinking “I should really have been a better communicator”. He’d just think “wow she’s a psycho”

OP posts:
Borntobeamum · 14/11/2018 16:12

He's probably stringing you and others along and waiting to see who make him the best offer before deciding.
However, he isn't 'partner/boy friend/husband' material by the sound of it so ditch hil!

WinnieFosterTether · 14/11/2018 16:18

Look he isn't going to reconsider how he communicates. This is working quite well for him. You're not going to make him more considerate.
If you must, text saying 'Hadn't heard from you. Something's come up. Lets take a raincheck.' Then disengage.
He already has you thinking you're needy or a 'physco' for wanting firm plans. No-one is good looking enough to justify that.

Original poster
LemonLimerance · 14/11/2018 17:46

“If you must, text saying 'Hadn't heard from you. Something's come up. Lets take a raincheck.' Then disengage. ”

This is PERFECT thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonLimerance · 14/11/2018 17:47

“However, he isn't 'partner/boy friend/husband' material by the sound of it so ditch hil!”

Definitely agree.
My title was a mistake. I wanted to write “FWB” but I’ve been slut shamed on here before so wanted to avoid that clouding the issue here.
Now ex-FWB!

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 14/11/2018 18:00

Have you sent the text OP?

WhyAmISoCold · 14/11/2018 18:40

Nothing wrong with a FWB. Nothing to do with anyone else.

Original poster
LemonLimerance · 14/11/2018 20:07

“Nothing wrong with a FWB. Nothing to do with anyone else.”

I agree but just didn’t want that to be something people picked at.

I haven’t sent anything yet, I am leaning towards just ignoring him. Once I send something I can’t take it back so I’m just doing nothing for now

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 14/11/2018 20:58

If you send another message and he doesnt reply you'll feel even worse.

Loopytiles · 14/11/2018 21:04

All this obsessing over a man you say you don’t even want to date!

Not worth the bother.

Original poster
LemonLimerance · 14/11/2018 21:07

“If you send another message and he doesnt reply you'll feel even worse.”

100% agree. Just going to leave it.

Loopy no one’s obsessing.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 14/11/2018 21:14

You are: numerous posts about whether to text him, with what “tone”, or not text him.

Pointless, no matter how good the sex was.