Not agreeing with DH's no dinner punishment.

[loveulotslikejellytots]

Dd is nearly 3. We've been out for an early tea, dd refused to eat it and had a tantrum. I took her out of the restaurant, gave her the option of sitting and eating or going home. She started screaming and shouting when we went back inside again so I took her to the car, and we left.

DH has now said she's having nothing else. Dd is saying she's hungry. I'm trying really hard to back him up but I don't agree with this and have said I'll give her some porridge (out of ear shot of Dd)

DH is now sulking. It's not him that will be up in the night with a hungry toddler though! I feel she has already been punished, she's lost her screen time for tonight, DH also said no toys when we got in but I have no easy way of enforcing this as there are toys in at least 2 rooms Dd can get into. He is watching tv not even attempting to stop Dd playing so I guess he wasn't that serious about that one.

I think it’s reasonable to leave the restaurant and not have that meal. I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect a three year old to be over sanctioned and certainly not by withholding food for an extended period.
Why is a three year old having screen time? I assume you mean an hours children’s TV?
I think a verbal reprimand and leaving is punishment enough when her choice would not to be made to sit quietly and eat at a different time to usual. Three year olds can’t link a later sanction to an earlier crime.
I’d give them something simple at their usual supper time.

She's only 3! Tantrums are par for the course at that age.

Removing her from the restaurant and going home is all you needed to do, I don't agree that any further punishment would achieve anything at that age and I definitely don't agree that withholding food as a punishment is at all appropriate.

She 2 and acted like a 2 year old. She wasnt hungry and was in an unfamiliar situation

No punishment should be given at all. Although your expectations should be looked at

Your DH is out of order to expect her to act like an older child

He doesn't see anything wrong with it and thinks I'm too soft. I'm sick of trying to make him see that what he is doing is wrong. I'm honestly made to feel like I'm pandering to her every time I deal with her how I think is right.

She is quite routine driven but can usually handle small changes. She had a huge breakfast at 7:30, then stole my toast at 10:30, literally ate most of 2 slices! So we went to my mums where she was snacking pretty much constantly, cheese, grapes, banana, popcorn. So she obviously didn't want her lunch. Hence why we thought an early dinner (3:30 instead of 5) was a good idea.

He constantly compares her to other children, telling me that all the other kids there sit nicely and eat. It's only her that doesn't.

I know why she had a tantrum, because we made her come out of the play area to eat. Of course she's not going to want to do that! But that's my fault again because o let her go in there.

Tea at 4pm? When did you have lunch??

I used to get sent to bed with no supper if I was naughty.

I did end up with anorexia my entire life but I don't think that's linked.

He's being unreasonable.

You have a huge DH problem which if you dont solve your daughter is going to have a father issue

What she did was perfectly normal and food should never be used as a punishment. And letting her come out when ready is perfectly normal. Plus you can only parent the child you are given

3.30 is far too early for dinner! Stop the snacks all the time. It's totally unnecessary.

If you’re home and posting at 16.50 then it must have been a pretty early tea. Starving a toddler is cruel and I never used food and bed in connection with any punishment.

We don't know the full context here

Once I made my 6 -year -old go to bed at 6 pmidh an hour before his actual bed time without food because he refused to eat the food I gave him after he chose it and it was bloody hard to make
Instead he wanted sweets
I wanted him to learn that you can t eat sweet things all the time
And was worried about his health
He had refused earlier in the day to eat his dinner too but had a sweet breakfast

It's hard giving advice on here when the full story isn't given but she is very young and this does seem harsh on the surface
I don't think it's good that you are not working together
One is saying one me thing is ok and acceptable an d another is not
If you find his rules or behavior toward s your child wrong and you don't agree and can't talk to him about the situation so result to posting on here maybe it's best to part ways

Goodness me he is going over the top. No dinner is just unpleasant, and using food as a kind of power is dangerous.

Good to know I'm not completely wrong. And yes, sorry screen time I meant tv. She usually has a bit of Duggee before tea.

Your 2 year old dies not have the cognitive capability to understand why she’s being deprived of food now in relation to behaviour earlier. This punishment will teach her nothing

Your DH sounds like a controlling arsehole

@loveulotslikejellytots I just read your last post and he is abusive in my opinion

She doesn't usually snack, at all. It was just my Mum giving her bits to eat while she was making lunch.

For heaven's sake! She's 3!!!

Feed her - she's just a baby.

That’s a crappy punishment at any age but for a 2 year old it’s cruel. Sounds like your dd is not the only one having a tantrum.

Food should never be used as either punishment or reward. It's setting kids up for serious issues in the future.

With the benefit of hindsight, perhaps letting her go in there wasn’t such a good idea, but she’s basically just acted like a normal 2 year old. There’s no point in punishing her for that. Especially with an extended punishment that she isn’t going to understand.

This is completely over the top - she was having a good time playing and wasn't hungry - what did you think was going to happen? Punishment in this case is pointless and ineffective (and probably counter productive)

She's 2, and he wants to withold toys and food from her. For being a 2 year old.

Poor little kid. He's a fucking bully.

Hugs to EllieJellie, hope you've had the support you need and fully recovered, despite you thinking there's no link, is it possible some children unconsciously learn that they have to be "good enough" to "deserve" having their basic need for food met?

This was a usual punishment for me growing up, it was usually because I’d done something wrong in the afternoon so would be sent to bed without dinner. So would go from 1pm till the next morning with no food. I could never inflict that again it was awful, I couldn’t imagine eating dinner without knowing everybody was fed as a mother. So definitely not on a 3 year old it’s cruel.

I don’t think mine would have understood this punishment at 3 yo and neither would they sit quietly in a restaurant- not without many bribes and colouring books.
Eating out isn’t a treat for a 3yo.
Feed her!

So if she goes to bed without dinner now she will either wake up in the middle of the night hungry or will go from, what 12 until 7am without anything to eat.