Desparate for a hand hold

[Mississippilessly]

DS is 8 weeks. He doesnt sleep as much as the guides say he should (he has done 11.5 hrs today so far) My friend has just sent me a 181 page sleep schedule and it has sent me into a complete spiral. He is fussy feeding. He had a nap in his crib today but normally will only nap in his sling. Am i supposed to be doing bedtime now? That means i have to stay in my bedroom in the dark?
DH wanted to go for a drink tonight, would mean not back til 9. He is away with work tomorrow.night. i so want to be ok with him goig but i feel crippled with anxiety. I just want to sob.

I have no idea what I am doing.

That's reassuring. Drowsy but awake is one of the few bits that actually works for us - we kept trying to transfer him when asleep but no matter how long we waited he seemed to know.

I just moved him from sling to cot. It was going brilliantly until his foot was caught in the sling and woke him up. His nappy needed changing anyway to be fair. Got upstairs with lights low, hopefully a feed and a cuddle and he will be back to sleep...

You’re doing grand op xxx

I remember these feelings so well. Sounds like you're doing great OP, you're working by his cues. It can be a hit and miss process but that's to be expected.

Seriously don't worry about him not getting as much sleep as he 'should'. I worried myself sick about this with my DD thinking that it would be affecting her brain development. Now she's a really bright, caring and funny 2 year old, and an excellent sleeper.

@Mississippilessly how are you doing? I was in here the other day when you first posted and NC since.

I hope you’re feeling a bit better and more positive

This thread helped me so so much at a very dark stage - thank you. It is of enormous comfort to be able to share my feelings.

So, i am trying to do a balance of looking after me as well as him and being ok with prioritising him over other stuff. If he is asleep in his sling and i am supposed to meet someone that I have to drive to I cancel - and I'm ok with that. I also use the train where possible.

Yesterday i met friends for shopping, we left when he was awake and it worked well, he slept so I didn't feel guilty but if he hadn't then that's life.

I have also learnt to feel better about his sleeping - if its a shit day then its a shit day, it isn't the end of the world. On Saturday he slept for about an hr across the whole day. But he was absolutely fine.
The only thing we are still unsure about are evenings. He cant do much more than an hr without getting grouchy in the evenings, so we either go to bed an hr or so after his last nap or i try and get him to sleep in the sling which could either mean a very late night or waking him up.
Right now he is asleep in the sling, has been since 8. He has napped loads today (didnt wake until 10, then 2 naps of 3 hrs!) so i think i will prob wake him as soon as we have eaten and hope!

You’re doing great. It’s hinestly a very weird time when you first have a baby. You’re in a funny bubble and it seems like life will never be the same again. It isn’t, but glimpses of the old life return over time. Just do what works for you and your family.

Thanks Little.

You're really bringing back memories of my first baby, it's a difficult and sometimes dark time. You fret so much that you're doing it right. For me it was the breastfeeding that was hellish.

In my experience having had more than one child and looking back you just think it's easy. They eat, they sleep, they shit, meh whatever, what's the problem? Shove them in their cot in the corner and get on with stuff. It doesn't feel like that with your first newborn, they are your entire world and nobody tells you how to live your new life.

You are doing great and it gets easier.

Thank you marvellous.
You are absolutely right. I have no doubt that it is no coincidence that lots of people seem to describe their second/third/fourth etc babies as 'easy' and their firsts as 'hard'. I think we just give them the time to be hard!