Hand hold please. I think my mom is dying

[CherryBlossom23]

My mom fell ill with pneumonia a few weeks ago. The last month has been a cycle of her getting better and about to be released from hospital and then going a bit downhill and having to increase her oxygen, etc. She finally seemed to be fully on the mend last weeekend when something happened yesterday (we're not sure what yet) and she collapsed. She is now in ICU on life support. Her doctors say there is still hope but who knows if they're just saying that.

I'm only 28, I don't know how to live the rest of my life without my mom. Right now I feel like I'm losing my mind, I guess it's just the shock. Please, if anyone has any positive stories from similar situations, please share. I need some hope in my life.

Have a handhold. Hold your mum's hand and talk to her. Is there anyone to support you? Lean on them. Strength and courage

Oh op

My FIL was in ICU. Collapsed lung due to botched operation.

Lots of other complications. We were told we had to decide when to turn the machine off.

They really have us no hope.

We went up the next day, and hed made a massive upturn.

No-one could believe it.

He's still going strong 6 years since.

Don't despair

Oh love I'm so sorry I've no words of wisdom but I will be thinking of you and your mom x

Come on, CherryB, you can do this. Your mum's still here so focus on that. One minute at a time.

How old is your mum, OP? Is she a smoker? do you have a dad around or any siblings that help?

Very sorry to hear this. Hope you have support in RL.

Hand holding Op.

I know a lady who had pneumonia so severely that they were deciding whether to turn off her life support... a year later she is back at work.

All the best to you x

I work in an ICU. Being sedated and on life support is really hard for family but really good for your Mum at the moment.

Does your Mum have another lung disease like COPD or asthma?

How old is you Mum? And what have the doctors said?

Pneumonia is treatable and something that nearly all of the patients that I look after recover from, even if they need ventilation for a while or a bit longer.

Big hugs, it can be a really scary place.

She is in her 60s. No she is not a smoker but has an autoimmune condition that affects her lung function. However she gets regular check ups with her consultant for this and it has not worsened in the last 7 years. No one knows why the infection has affected her lungs so badly this time.

Is she on immune compromising drugs for her autoimmune disease?

Sometimes it's just bad luck and you've picked up a really shitty infection that's hard to treat or there is an underlying condition like your mum's autoimmune disease. It may mean her lungs weren't great to start with so it takes less time or a "lower level" of infection to make her really unwell. It could also be that she's on immunosuppressants for her disease and so was more susceptible to picking up something like this. Most likely it's all three playing a role in her illness.

How long has she been in ICU?

So sorry you are in this situation. I am sending lots and lots of positive thoughts your way and praying your Mum pulls through.

Here's my hand. Thinking of you and your lovely mum. Praying she pulls through. Xx

Her doctors say there is still hope but who knows if they're just saying that.

I haven't come across an ICU doctor yet who would say there's still hope if they didn't believe it, they tend to be very realistic about their patients. If your mum reaches the point where there's nothing more to be done, you'll be told.

Have a hand to hold and a (((hug)))

Cherry, the doctors won’t give you false hope, they will do all they can to help your darling mum. You need to hold her hand and we will all hold yours.

Just to second what Carrie said.

They cannot give you any false hope.
If they're saying there's a chance she mayget through this. They have to be telling the truth. They can't lie to put you at ease.
Like when my lovely mum was dying and we were taken into the family room. I asked is there any chance at all that she could come through this
The reply was (said very sensitivly of course). "Only if there was a miracle."

Hand hold from me.

Hand hold op and very best wishes you and your mum

Hand hold from me too.

Take the doctors view seriously, if they believe there is hope then there is hope. It would be grossly unprofessional of them to say that without justification.

ICU is scary, but it's the best place for your mum right now.

CherryBlossom23 Have a hand hold from me.

I lost my darling mum this weekend. Difference for us is that we've known for a long time it was coming, but it's still a shock when the moment arrives.

But I can say the doctors have never given us false hope, so do keep your own hope alive, the doctors are saying she has a chance and they mean it.

Hand hold. Sending you al positive vibes. Xxx

Thank you so much everyone, your kind words have helped a lot. I'm trying to be brave but I'm so scared on the inside. Just going to keep hoping for the best. My mom is so strong but she has been through so much in the past month, maybe her body just gave up and needs a rest. Going to keep telling myself that anyway until we get more news.

We’re all with you x

I lost my dad earlier this year to lung cancer and the doctors were nothing but honest with us from start to finish, I also have experience of working in palliative care and again, doctors and the medical teams are always open and honest with patients and families. If the doctors are saying there is still hope it is because they genuinely believe there is still hope. Hand holding from afar because I know how shitty things feel right now.

Sending you lots and lots of love 😘