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Original poster

Can your kids help themselves to food?

112 replies

Littlechocolatepumkins · 03/11/2018 20:42

DC can already help themselves to fruit.

I was thinking of snacks somewhere accessible so after school for example I can say go help yourself to something. Or if they're hungry after dinner/ before bedtime. Breadsticks, popcorn, raisins etc or plain biscuits. Nothing too tempting!

I feel like i'm allowing DC too many sweets/treats and I need to reduce their intake. Oddly i feel like maybe giving them some control might be a good idea? Or is that stupid?

OP posts:
Strugglingtodomybest · 04/11/2018 09:13

Mine can help themselves to fruit without asking, but need to ask first for anything else. This is for all the reasons given above, ie. Check it's not needed as part of a meal, is it too close to dinner, etc.

I like idea of keeping a roasted chicken in the fridge for picking at!

Pissedoffdotcom · 04/11/2018 09:29

The idea behind free access to the fruit bowl is pretty simple. If DD is genuinely hungry, she will eat a piece of fruit to keep her going. If she is just fancying her chances, she will refuse the fruit which tells me she actually isn't hungry.

I don't have time (or money) to keep topping up the fridge or cupboards umpteen times a week either, which i would have to do if she had free reign. When she gets older i'll do what my mum did - ask her what snacks she wants for the week, buy them with my weekly shop & let her do as she wants. Once they're gone, theg're gone.

LadyPenelope68 · 04/11/2018 09:34

*OvO

Those that let their dc eat what and when they want do you not find you go to make lunch or dinner and half of what you need has been eaten?
*

No, never found that at all. They’re 16 and 20 now and have always had free access to what they want. If it was stuff that’s obviously for a meal they’d always check (just courtesy, ever been told they “have” to) and they know to let me know if we’ve run out/running low in something.

We’ve never had any issues with eating just before meals/over eating snacks etc, and I think it’s because they’ve always had free access to are able to self regulate. I’d find it odd if they had to ask for a drink of milk or something.

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Families
TheTurnOfTheScrew · 04/11/2018 09:36

No free access here. Mine are what's euphemistically known as "good eaters" and simply don't have the moderation/self control to manage this. 8yo has free access to the fruit bowl, 11yo can have fruit or toast when she lets herself in from school.

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I don't think snacking is usually necessary, and it's desirable to be hungry before meals. I make meals that everyone likes and there's always plenty for second helpings if needed.

ReverseTheFerret · 04/11/2018 09:41

I keep a box in the fridge topped up with mini cucumbers, peppers, cherry tomatoes and the like which they can help themselves to within reason (ie not two seconds after breakfast or when I'm cooking tea) and when it's gone it's gone till I go shopping again.

They're quite good with it to be honest.

PhilomenaButterfly · 04/11/2018 09:43

Pissedoff fruit doesn't fill me up.

user1981287 · 04/11/2018 09:46

I don't see why snacking is necessary so mine don't need free access (13 and 11)

They eat very well (cooked breakfast most days plus cooked meal at school and cooked meal in the evenings). They don't need snacks

(and before someone jumps in and says cold food is nutritionally just as good, yes I know that but my DC would eat a cheese sandwich as a cold meal and hope for crisps with it and so a meat and two veg type diner is definitely nutritionally better for them)

minipie · 04/11/2018 09:54

No, mine have to ask. They are 6 and 3.
The 6 yo has a massive appetite but would go straight for crisps or bread if given the choice, so I do give her snacks but I choose them.
The 3 yo would eat fruit all day if given the chance (and crisps) and then wouldn't eat anything else, she doesn't have such a big appetite.

Are there really 6 and 3 year olds out there who wouldn't eat tonnes of crisps and biscuits if allowed free rein?! If so I'm impressed at their self control (better than mine..!)

blackheartsgirl · 04/11/2018 10:03

Nope mine have to ask, they can have fruit though.

Mine cant self regulate and will eat until they feel sick. Once they ate all the lunch stuff for that week in two days so i put a stop to the helping yourself thing

Looneytune253 · 04/11/2018 10:19

Children don’t need snacks tbh. I’m a cm so I do have set snack times for the children but they would happily go all day apart from meal times without complaint. It’s just a habit that children get into.
I had one parent so so concerned about her son coming out of school and being so hungry that she packed a full on packed lunch for his first few days. Once she didn’t send it though he was fine. Us parents have been conditioned to think they’re always hungry and it’s not good as a society.

userabcname · 04/11/2018 10:35

My son isn't yet at the stage of being able to help himself but I reckon access to a fruit bowl and, as you say, healthier snacks is fine but anything else needs to be regulated. I always remember my cousins when they were children - they'd get free reign of the kitchen and were like a pack of locusts on a Saturday afternoon after the weekly big shop. My aunt once lost her shit because in the course of a few hours they'd eaten all the lunchbox snacks for the week, all the 'treats' and all the ice lollies plus most of the squash/fizzy drinks. So be careful with giving them too much leeway!

PhilomenaButterfly · 04/11/2018 10:57

Looney snacks are optional here. At the weekends and holidays they can have a snack at 10 and 2, I bring DS2 a snack when I pick him up after school, DD as I said has one when she gets in if she remembers, she'll say she's hungry then forget to eat, if we have supper early to get DS2 to bed early, DD can have a snack up to an hour before bed.

Pissedoffdotcom · 04/11/2018 11:10

philomenabutterfly it does DD. Hence why we have the rules we do. She will happily eat a bowl of grapes or an apple when she is genuinely hungry & when asked if she needs anything else will say no. If she requested something else after fruit I would know she was still genuinely hungry.

If she refuses the fruit but demands crisps/sweets etc then I know she just wants something for the sake of it

Yorkshiremum17 · 04/11/2018 11:37

We don't really do snacks, it's not necessary, stops you from feeling truly hungry and then means you either don't eat enough of the good stuff or eat too much! We do 3 good meals a day plus supper if required.

My 14 year old Ds will ask if he is hungry and depending how close to meal time it is depends on the answer. If he does have something, it's generally toast or a sandwich or a lump of cheese.

It's not rude to ask, We're on a budget and everyone needs to learn control around food. I was brought up in the 70's and round us people just did not do the incessant eating that people seem to do now a days. We had 3 meals a day of proper food and if was enough. We were never hungry and would never have dreamed of asking mum for food between meals. I've brought or son up the same. So far so good!

Stillwishihadabs · 04/11/2018 18:11

Dcs usually ask. (12 and 14) having said that they do help themselves to biscuits and fruit after school if neither parent is home (maybe once a week). I can't stand visiting children going through the cupboards. I buy the food and I am in charge of it. I think unlimited access to snacks is a terrible idea for anyone and leads to obesity and tooth decay. No one over the age of 5 needs to eat more frequently than every 4 hours.

LadyPenelope68 · 04/11/2018 19:11

I think unlimited access to snacks is a terrible idea for anyone and leads to tooth decay and obesity

I’d disagree with that as I think if you do have unlimited access then you learn to self-regulate. My sons are now 16 and 20 and have always had unlimited access to food in the kitchen - neither of them have ever gorges/stuffed themselves and neither are they obese and both have perfect teeth with no decay/fillings.

canyouhearthedrums · 04/11/2018 20:10

Free access to everything, I would ha te to have a house where food is rationed. It does mean we spend a lot on food, teen ds wants lots of protein so I have a constant supply of shredded chicken breasts that he eats throughout the day. We always have loads of food, yet they always say there's no food in this house Hmm.

Raisins are not a good snack food due to high sugar content and they stick in between the teeth. Our dentist said they are best eaten with a meal.

Stillwishihadabs · 04/11/2018 20:14

That maybe true for your sample size of 2. Unfortunately population studies do not support that view

Rachelover40 · 04/11/2018 20:19

Mine always helped themselves, they didn't cook lamb chops and two veg though, that sort of stuff was for mealtimes. Fruit, crisps, cheese and biscuits or maybe a sandwich if they had to wait a while for meal was OK.

Bluntness100 · 04/11/2018 20:26

My daughter has always and will always have as much access to food as we do.i don't believe the way to teach kids about food is to make things forbidden, or treats,or something you need to ask for. That's how folks getting eating disorders.

She is also not less in our home than we are, shes an equal family member with as much rights to things like food as her father and I. It's her home and her food too.

CountFosco · 04/11/2018 20:52

I think unlimited access to snacks is a terrible idea for anyone and leads to obesity and tooth decay.

Surely it depends on the snacks. DD1s favourite snack is a cheese and cucumber sandwich. Not an issue wrt tooth decay and since the last time we saw her consultant she was concerned about lack of weight gain we don't need to worry about obesity either (I know for other kids that don't use up as many calories that size of snack may be problematic).

Original poster
Littlechocolatepumkins · 04/11/2018 21:03

Bluntness what you say really resonates with my thinking when I started this. It reflects what some other posters have said too.

Food has become a bit odd in our home. I'd like to undo that. I've very casually made food more accessible today.

OP posts:
MorningsEleven · 04/11/2018 21:07

Mine have access but they still ask. I only say no if it's too close to a meal time or they're taking the piss.

Pissedoffdotcom · 04/11/2018 21:47

DD isn't any less in our home either. But at 6 she is still too young to fully comprehend balance.
Does that mean you let her stay up as late as they want too? Decide when to take a shower? Brush their teeth? All things adults have complete control over

Crunchymum · 04/11/2018 21:53

Mine have no free access to anything, even fruit (which can have a fuck load of sugar)

Our snacks are accessible in literal terms but my kids ask (and I usually direct them to what they can have)

That said today my DP and 2 older kids ate x7 of and 8 pack of croissants [they were quite small and DP had 3 + I found 1 in the bin]

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