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Original poster

Ex ‘cannot afford’ maintenance this month.

72 replies

Corfu06 · 29/10/2018 07:11

Exdp pays a meagre £100 pcm towards our ds. He has him 3 nights a month and doesn’t pay anything towards trips/uniform. Maintenance was due to go in my bank today and last night at 11pm I had a text to say he cannot afford it this month. I have already budgeted for the maintenance and I will be up shit creek now. And what really pisses me off is how he thinks it’s optional. Like I could turn round to my ds and say ‘sorry ds no food this month, mummy can’t afford It’. And I know some fathers don’t have their children/pay at all. I will be contacting the csa today and we can go down a formal route (this isn’t the first time he’s done this) but I am so upset that this is someone I will have to deal with for many years to come. DICK

OP posts:

Original poster

Corfu06 · 29/10/2018 07:12

Oh and by meagre I mean he earns over 30k a year (could be a lot more) and is head of the U.K. for his job

OP posts:

Veterinari · 29/10/2018 07:13

Def go to CMS OP.

Perhaps also text back saying that his DS still requires food and clothing and that being s parent isn’t optional. I’d be furious

QueenofLouisiana · 29/10/2018 07:17

I’m cross for you. Almost everyone has times they can’t afford stuff, but maintenance isn’t one of those things you decide you can’t pay.

Do get things on a formal footing now, you’re very right to do that.

Original poster

Corfu06 · 29/10/2018 07:29

I am furious. I have told him that ds still needs food and heating and dinner money for school and all the thousands of other things children need but his exact words were ‘ nothing I can do sorry’.

Would I be over the top to contact his mother? She is truly a lovely woman but I am so angry that he has done this to DS and I. I hate this attitude that it is an optional extra in his life. I scrimped and saved to pay for a little holiday earlier this year. He contacted me to say ‘why should I pay maintence if you can afford to go on holiday’. I pointed out that even if I was a millionaire living it up in Mauritius he would still be legally obliged to pay for his child and beyond that, he should want to provide for his child. He is a true embarressment.

OP posts:

Stompythedinosaur · 29/10/2018 07:31

Go through CMS.

MinorProphet · 29/10/2018 07:35

What is he an ex, OP?

You are among friends here. My dad did this shit to my mum all the time. Dickheads.

MinorProphet · 29/10/2018 07:35

*WHY! Ffs

kaytee87 · 29/10/2018 07:36

He's an arsehole op. You probably would be unreasonable to tell his mum, but I'd be tempted too.

KeiTeNgeNge · 29/10/2018 07:37

Contact his mum and cms

Fairylea · 29/10/2018 07:37

I have had this so many times with dds dad - we split up when she was 8 months old and she is now 15. I wish I had gone through child maintenance. Long term it’s the best thing to do.

NicePieceOfPlaid · 29/10/2018 07:39

CMS and his mum. He's got it coming.

chantico · 29/10/2018 07:43

It's probably bad for ones soul, but ....Yes, I'd be telling everyone that he's refusing to pay for his DC.

If he'd refused to pay his rent, the landlord would have no difficulty in starting action against him. This is a far more important payment. And frankly, unless he has suffered a catastrophic event (house inaccessible through disaster, or being suddenly and seriously hospitalised) then it is just plain unacceptable to bilk one of the most important payments that exists. And people should not be inhibited from saying so.

bastardkitty · 29/10/2018 07:44

£100 per month for his income is pathetic. I wouldn't even bother to speak to him. Spend £20 on CMS and let them deal with this joker. You'll get much more as well.

Cantbearsed73 · 29/10/2018 07:48

I could have written this post . I have been split from my ex and this happens sporadically every few months. Currently i am waiting for two months worth he said he would pay it today . I hate how he sees it as optional and I can just wait for it . Have thought about going through CMS but can’t they just get away with not paying it there too? Also he is self employed so I can see him adjust his salary so he pays less. It makes me so angry.

Original poster

Corfu06 · 29/10/2018 07:51

We have been split up for 3 years now. He didn’t pay maintenance for about 6 months (because I stupidly felt bad that I had finally left the cheating, mentally abusive, gaslighting dick) then on my insistence paid £50 for a bit. Once ds started nursery he then began paying £100 pcm. At Christmas last year I checked my bank on the day maintenance was due to be paid and there was nothing there. Contacted him; oh sorry I can’t affoed this month. Just like that. No warning, no heads up before hand, no apology. His reasoning was that he was skint because it was Christmas (like I’m not??) and he’d never missed before. I put his dad of the year medal straight in the post.

I can’t convey enough what a prick he is. And I also cannot emphasise to women out there enough that if you even suspect your dp might be a dick/has arsehole tendencies, DO NOT HAVE KIDS WITH THEM. I love my ds more than the world and will never regret him but dp was always rubbish with money (this was a major factor in splitting up as well as the fact that he was the king of gaslighting and wasnalso sticking his dick in another woman who subsequently was pregnant within months of me walking out).

Leaving him was the absolute best thing I ever did, it was difficult as for a number of reasons leaving him meant leaving my job, car and he stayed in the house (rented) but it was truly the best thing. And yet here I am years later still living with the consequences of his shitty actions and mistakes.

It is so frustrating that he can do this. But then again he did it before and I didn’t go to the cms so more fool me

OP posts:

Pinkyyy · 29/10/2018 07:53

What an awful excuse for a man. I would absolutely contact CMS and also his DM.

gamerwidow · 29/10/2018 07:56

Contact CMS withholding this money is just another way of trying to assert control over you, take the power out of his hands. Don’t argue with him he knows what he is doing and he doesn’t care. Don’t cover for him either.

Quartz2208 · 29/10/2018 08:00

Yes CMS and his mum

MoonGeek · 29/10/2018 08:03

Go to the CMS. It sounds like you would be entitled to more than £100 and they will support you in getting the money when he doesn't pay.

MoonGeek · 29/10/2018 08:04

And yes I would mention to his mum too. She's probably more effective than the CMS in the short run.

GemmeFatale · 29/10/2018 08:11

CMS to get a proper claim going and pay whatever it is to have them take it directly.

And his mum to ask for a short term loan if she can because her son can’t find the maintenance money for the kids this month.

whatsthestory123 · 29/10/2018 08:12

You would be much better of and guessing he is PAYE you have an excellent chance of payment

Thebluedog · 29/10/2018 08:13

Contact the cms, this way anything he doesn’t pay you now should be back dated. I’d also give his mum a call too.

Original poster

Corfu06 · 29/10/2018 08:15

That’s exactly what it is, another way to assert power as he cannot control me anymore and HATES it. Since splitting up I have thrived and he can’t stand it. I took ds on holiday earlier this year and when I mentioned it to him his response was ‘why should I pay money to you when you can afford go on holiday’. Once again he cannot fathom that he has a responsibility. I am not going to engage further with him. I have text his poor mother and asked her to speak to him. Thank you all for the support.

OP posts:

treaclesoda · 29/10/2018 08:17

I'm not suggesting that you actually do send your son to him, because he sounds like a waste of space. But I'd be so tempted to message him saying you've packed a few things for him and ask when he's picking him up? Because you can't afford to keep him this month on account of how he hasn't paid his share.

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