Ex ‘cannot afford’ maintenance this month.

[Corfu06]

Exdp pays a meagre £100 pcm towards our ds. He has him 3 nights a month and doesn’t pay anything towards trips/uniform. Maintenance was due to go in my bank today and last night at 11pm I had a text to say he cannot afford it this month. I have already budgeted for the maintenance and I will be up shit creek now. And what really pisses me off is how he thinks it’s optional. Like I could turn round to my ds and say ‘sorry ds no food this month, mummy can’t afford It’. And I know some fathers don’t have their children/pay at all. I will be contacting the csa today and we can go down a formal route (this isn’t the first time he’s done this) but I am so upset that this is someone I will have to deal with for many years to come. DICK

It seems in the uk alot of NRP think that maintenance is optional,its a bloody disgrace

You must contact the cms. Why should he get away with this appalling behaviour.

I am fast coming to the view that if you don't pay maintenance it should be like the council tax - possible jail sentence - that would sharpen the mind.

I havent had CM payments for my DD since she was 5, she's now 11. Going to CMS is pointless because he doesnt work or claim.

He has her for a week on most of the holidays, maybe about 5 weeks a year. That is a far as his parenting goes.

Pisses me off that they can get away with just dropping their kids, but still act like parent of the year when they bother themselves to acknowledge they have kids.

Speak to the CMS today. He will have been looking forward to seeing you get angry and worked up about this don’t let him get in your head. Keep it calm and tell him you’ve decided informal arrangements aren’t working. It will infuriate him when he realises he can’t still get to you.

CMS. Attachment of earning.

I wouldn't want my grandchild to go without so if so could afford to pay then I would and even if I had to scrape it together by pawning stuff. Does she know her son is only paying such a deplorable amount?

I agree. In America a person can be prisoned for falling behind with child maintenance. I am sure his mum is well aware of what he is like. When we first broke up and I found out that he HAD been cheating on me after months and months of denying, making me out be crazy, sleepless nights etc I called her and told her exactly what had gone on. She cried and said she was ashamed of him (I told her about all the mental abuse I had suffered too, hiding my things and watching me look etc). But that was a few years ago. We don’t really speak now although I send her photos of ds and we actually met for a coffee last month. I am still angry but will be blocking his number and from now on he will have to go through my mum as I cannot deal with his shit for a second longer

I agree - CMS. Get his earnings garnished if necessary, he won't like that.

You could also do what I did once, if you're sure it won't negatively impact on your child. I turned up on my ex's doorstep with my son in the car. When my ex answered the door I told him that DS was coming for dinner as I had no food in for him. He could drop him home afterwards and I'd drop him back round for breakfast in the morning. And this would happen all week, given he'd left me up shit creek with no way to feed DS! It was that or I'd have to take DS to a food bank, who would ask me exactly why I couldn't feed my child before they agreed to help us (My ex knows the lady who runs the local food bank well and no way would he lose face like that). 30 seconds later, the money was transferred to my account. BTW as far as DS knew I was just collecting something from Daddy's, if my ex had taken me up on it I would have gone to DS in the car and said, 'Daddy wants you to stay for tea, isn't that nice?' So no emotional trauma going on before anyone says it!)

What a pathetic amount. When my ex was on that salary he gave me £300pm and has increased it as his salary has increased. Definitely CMS.

His mum has replied. She said she is sorry this has happened, he is having money issues and problems with his girlfriend but she didn’t know it was affecting my ds and she is glad she knows now. She said she is going to ring him tonight to discuss his priorities.

So nothing of interest really. There’s not a lot she can do anyway, he’s a 33 year old man but I’m glad she knows what a fuck up her son is.

@Roomba I’d love to do that but he wouldn’t answer the door to me. I know for a fact he wouldn’t.

Isnt CMS 12% if no other children ir gas dc alot

If so your looking at a potential approx £300 a month

That's terrible op. I really can't understand how these men ( and yes 99% of the time it's men) think that paying for their kids is some sort of optional extra!

I'd support much stronger penalties for not paying including removal of driving licence and passport, not allowed to marry again or claim benefits fir themselves until they pay what they owe.

And I'm not in that situation- but several friends are and I've seen just how difficult their lives are made by an irresponsible ex.

It’s just so annoying that they think it’s optional
I just don’t understand why the cms doesn’t have stronger legal power to force these men to pay- removing their passport seems like a good start
I get £22 a week for two because my ex does a lot of ‘cash in hand’ work ( on purpose) and so no one can prove exactly how much he earns

What shocked me was the cms dont ask for bank statements,shocked was an understatment and wrong

You've had excellent advice op , I have nothing further to add.

It's bloody hard though isn't it? Exh paid for a few months then stopped , I went through cms and he stopped working. I got a few quid a week. He's now self employed...you get the gist.

My husband and I provide for the children while their biological father pleads poverty.

What i dont get is why its so acceptable NOT to pay for your child in the Uk,people dont seem disgusted by it,is it like this in other countrys?

My DSiS ex quit his job and went cash in hand to avoid paying a penny for his daughter. She tried to chase him through the CSA for 15 years but no money ever came. I hope the new system is better.

He won't like the cms bring in control but he's brought it on himself

OP are you going to contact CMS?

I feel for you. My ex pays NOTHING towards our 2 children. He has them a couple of evenings a week for tea, but not overnight and they stay every other weekend. He rarely has them in the holidays. His excuse is he can't 'afford' it and I 'get all the benefits' ffs. He used to contribute a little bit to shoEs and trips but even that's stopped now. He has the cheek to say he is 'saving me money' in food for the days he has them. But not really because he can change plans at the drop of a hat if he is 'tired' or ill. 🤬When I've brought up the subject of contributing he's said if he does that, he won't be able to afford to see the kids atall or have them stay over. Which is why I haven't gone to the cms. Unlike yours, my ex is on a low income/close to minimum wage, so there's not much I can do unless I stop the dcs seeing their dad.

'He is having a lot of money worries
Like you are not bringing up his child
I don't understand parents who don't make sure their physical and emotional needs are met before their own.

My ex is currently due baby no 3 with the on-off gf. I can't complain. I get £120 regularly but it's the emotional turmoil he puts our dc through that makes me mad.
He bearly sees her once a month and disappeared for 6 months with the last baby.
It all about to start again

Not paying should be like having debt. If you dont pay, they'll take the funds another way.

My DN's dad paid nothing, but he could still afford to live the life of luxury. Because his Mrs was an accountant, she made it look like he wasnt earning much.

• i don't understand parents who don't make sure their dcs physical and emotional needs are met before their own.

(Correction)