Have you heard of the notion that people sometimes die at the same age as their same-sex parent? (Fairly light-hearted)

[niska]

I'd never heard of this before, but it turns out my mum died at the same age as her mother - quite an early age: 67. A friend told me it's not unusual. I mentioned it at my evening class, and of seven of us, two others said that, on reflection, their father and grandfather had died at the same age. Other classmates were extremely dismissive of this being a thing.

I'm not looking for an argy-bargy, and I hope no-one will take offence, but I'd be intrigued to know if anyone else has heard of this. Also, if you think about it, has it happened with any of your ancestors?

Fishtank 

My brother had this theory. Sadly it caused him to waste the best years of his younger life. Our dad died at 40. I was 11 and my brother was 8. As he got through his 30s, he got more and more obsessed with the thought that he would die at 40.

Even more disturbing was that he'd worked out how many actual days our dad was alive and worked out what day he was convinced he'd die. It turned out to be my dads birthday.

Thankfully, he sort help, when he got that far and I'm happy to say he is now 48 and fighting fit.

I would think this probably happens because of a)genetics and b) because family's tend to have similar lifestyles.

It's just that combined with confirmation bias.

One of my great grandparents died very young at 40, luckily my grandpa didn't follow suit and died mid 80s. The rest of my grandparents are all going strong well into their 80s, the rest of my great grandparents died again late 90s so I suppose there is a link.

My great grandma was a very strong fit woman right up till 98 and my grandma is the same although she is 15 years younger than my great grandma was, that is because she was raised by my great grandma in a tight family and they have very similar lifestyles and obviously genetics. I'd like to think my parents and my grandparents will live as long as their parents but who knows?

MsAwesomeDragon

Might be sensible for your DH to mention this to your GP, and get regular tests, just for reassurance?

My mum's mother died at 52, my mum is 92 so no, I don't believe it at all.

Hmm, never heard of this theory before. My dad died at 57 the same age as his mum. On my DMs side of the family both her parents died in their 100s, and my DM is still going strong, so I reckon if I make it to around 60 I'll be doing well!

Not in my family's case. My dad's parents suffered malnutrition and didn't make it past their 60s. My dad also suffered malnutrition as a child and died of cancer in his 70s. His older and younger brother also lived longer, one into his 80s.
In my Mum's side, my maternal grandmother died in her early 70s, my mum died in her mid 80s.
Sounds like an unscientific analysis of people who live in the same area and eat the same things for generations. Which is not how the modern world works in Europe or America.

No. What a load of rubbish. My mum died at 36. I'm 38. My dad nearly died at 63. I think he'll go another 5 yrs tops.

My grandmother died at 53.
My mum died at 80
My dd died at 23, my mum died the year after. I was 38 when dd died.

I understand the op wanting this thread to be lighthearted. My mum killed herself nearly 26 years ago when I was 16. I have since developed a dark sense of humour and I think people should discuss death a lot more in a lighthearted sense.

Other classmates were extremely dismissive of this being a thing.

I would have been one of that group.

My mum killed herself nearly 26 years ago when I was 16

Well if you strongly believe that you're supposed to die at the same age as your mum then I guess you know what to do?

(please note that OrangeOrBlackcurrant explicitly said she likes lighthearted discussion of death)

Other classmates were extremely dismissive of this being a thing
Me too. I hadn’t realised until now that my mum died at exactly twice the age of her mum when she passed away - 86 v 43.

My mum’s mum died at 86
My dad’s dad died at 54

My parents are 71 and touch wood doing OK

Ha ha @Trills that is the same kind of fucked up comment I exchange with my friends! I have to in order to keep my sanity if that doesn't sound like a total contradiction!

You wouldn’t find this at all light hearted if your husband died at 37 as mine did, and your kids were now everything to you.

Some of us who have been bereaved (me at 16, my ds when he was 11) find humour enables us to discuss the death of our parents and be open about it. Our way of grieving is not wrong. For us it makes it easier to remember them on a daily basis.

The families I know where this has happened, there's been an inherited medical reason. The grandparents didn't necessarily know about it, the parent was diagnosed but either too late, or after death, then the next generation was diagnosed much younger and given medical treatment/cure, so lived much longer.

So, if there's an underlying medical reason that can be inherited, it's definitely a thing. I haven't heard of it in a psychological sense, except as some kind of superstitious 'woo' reason by people who haven't yet found the medical one.

My uncle died at the same age as his father 70 but for a completely different medical reason, but my dad died at 89, I think it's just noticeable when the coincidence happens.

My DM is currently outliving her DM by about 20 years...

I have never heard this, and would certainly dismiss it. The law of averages would mean that occasionally people will die at the same age as their same sex parent, but to imagine that this is anything other than a coincidence is crazy.

The thing is, no one takes any notice of death ages if they are different, because these days that's pretty normal. If people die at the same age as their parent, people notice it as a strange and interesting fact.

It would be quite interesting to crunch the data and see what percentage of people this happened to, I bet it would actually be tiny. Perhaps you could get the radio 4 programme, More Or Less to look into it OP!

Yeah, I think it's all a bit of nonsense myself. My dad and grandma died at the same age of 57.My grandma in a car accident and my dad from a undiagnosed heart condition.

Sometimes it can be down to genetics. And the great advancement of medical science is that they can now give you information, if your DNA might carry an increased risk of having a health issue and can be treated accordingly.

But sometimes it's just down to sheer tragedy. Accidents and illnesses that no one can foresee or treat.

To all of us who have lost a loved one, no matter what age or reason

They will always be with us, in our hearts and memories.

Nope.
Going by my family, my grandmother outlived her daughter.
My grandfather died at a much younger age than his sons ( barring one killed on active duty)

Looking back in our family tree there were many infants died young, so that blows the theory to kingdom come

Haha nope. My dad died at 92. His dad didn’t make 60 ( sudden cardiac probably - not like he was run over it anything )

My mums mum, died when she was 99 and 6mths!
My mum is 75 in January....

My dads dad was killed in the WW2, he was in his late 20s early 30s I believe, my Dad is 80 next year, his 2 younger brothers have died in their very early 70s.