Decent, straight, single men...do they actually exist?

[MintyCedric]

I really don't want to be a grumpy old cynic but...

43yo, left emotionally abusive ex in July 2016, divorced just over a year. Not so much as a snog since, largely by choice but also no offers and very little opportunity.
Had a brief 'window shop' on the OLD front but the ones I liked weren't interested and vice versa so that didn't get off the ground (tbf put minimal effort in as wasn't 100% sure about it anyway).

Have now stepped away from that and decided to wait a while longer and work through a few lingering issues with myself for the time being.

Have just made the mistake of reading the Relationships thread...so many bad memories and really not a great advert for the male species in general. On a personal level most of the guys I fancy seem to end up being gay, too young, spoken for or way out of my league.

I like my own company and am in no rush but I don't really fancy being on my own indefinitely. Is OLD worth the aggro? I just can't even imagine meeting anyone worth dating in RL let alone having another full blown relationship.

I guess I'd just like to hear some insight/positive stories from people who've been in a similar situation.

Just been catching up as have been at work all day. There's a lot of interesting insights here.

My original thought when my marriage broke down was that I'd spend some time getting my life on track, see if I met anyone 'organically' and then consider OLD.

I think I expected it to all happen a bit quicker and therefore I need to make peace with the fact I'm still at stage 1.

I don't mind being single from the pov that I can look after myself practically & enjoy my own company. I think what I actually need is not so much a new man is to get out and do things that interest me more, instead my spare time revolving around housework, daughter, parents and crashing out in front of the TV, so basically a bit of excitement!

IfNotNow I love the way you describe your DP, and it sounds like you had a lot of fun meeting him!

I don't think my list is that long really, someone kind and calm, solvent, reasonably intelligent with some shared interests and good sense of humour.

I like geeky types, and based on the blokes I shortlisted during a brief dabble with Guardian Soulmates, I appear to have a penchant for ageing hipsters 😂!

But they can wait for now...

Thankssome shared interests is good I think, as, if you have a day together and he wants to sit in and watch films and you want to go hiking that's going to get annoying.
To be fair dp is not in debt but I wouldn't say he's solvent and I think men often interpret "solvent" as fairly well off (which is cool if that's what you do want).
I think too that often people look for a partner with the same exact views as them politically, or into the same books/music. To me that stuff doesnt matter too much as long as they have a good moral code and lots of humanity.
I have met plenty of men who act like they are lefty, caring feminist allies but turned out to be self serving mysoginistic little shits!

My ex and I had very little in common in the way of big stuff...he was hugely into sport which I find really boring and I'm quite arty-farty which wasn't him at all.

Not necessarily an issue itself I think if you can respect one another's interests and try and engage with the bits you can bear, but there was none of that.

I did my fair share of standing on touchline, weekends single parenting while he went to/took part in various sports events, but if I'd suggested taking a dance class or going to a gallery I'd get a sneery reaction and constant moaning if I had art work/materials because I was working on a project at home.

I must have been very lucky. I married my second date when I was 56 and him 55
Had ten happy years so far.
He retired aged 58 and moved in with me
We weren’t too bothered about getting married but when we got to early 60s I realised I didn’t want to turn up at hospital asking where my partner was
6 months after our wedding I ended up in that exact position
At least I could say husband