Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Were your parents loving and affectionate?

69 replies

MarmaLaid · 24/10/2018 20:58

I wonder if it’s a generation thing? My parents hardly told me they loved me, can’t remember hugs or cuddles much. I wonder if this has contributed to my awkwardness around showing people affection myself, apart from my children.
I am full of pride and love for my kids that I want to tell and show them every day.
I feel like there is a shift somewhere in that children used to fit in with adults but now children rule the roost and people’s lives revolve around them more iyswim. Might just be a rant/waffle but it’s what I’ve been pondering recently

OP posts:
HouseOnTheLake · 24/10/2018 21:01

Mine were not loving and affectionate at all. I don't remember them ever telling me they loved me. I'm mid-thirties. How old are you, OP?

Believeitornot · 24/10/2018 21:02

No. But my mum had a terrible childhood and was emotionally stunted in my view. I’m very affectionate with my dcs and try and understand where they’re coming from emotionally.

Interestingly my dh’s Parents didn’t show emotions much or say I love you etc. Dh is emotionally cold in many ways and doesn’t really seem to connect with the kids emotionally very much. He’s not good with emotions.

LanguidLobster · 24/10/2018 21:06

Yes, always knew how loved I was. I was lucky they didn't mollycoddle me and let me go out to the world at an early age and form my lifelong friendships and study.

Sorry it's such an emotive topic isn't it, apologise if anyone has had bad experiences

helacells · 24/10/2018 21:08

Nope. All the kissing and hugging is a new thing.

Stephisaur · 24/10/2018 21:11

Mine were. I’m a very affectionate person as a result. I’m very huggy.

DH’s parents weren’t as affectionate with him. Since being with me he has turned into an affectionate person, but not with everyone. He likes cuddles from me, but isn’t particularly huggy otherwise.

He can be quite emotionally distant at times, whereas I wear my heart on my sleeve. We are only 1 year apart (our mums are about 5 years apart) so I’m not sure it’s generational with our parents. Also, GMIL is VERY affectionate so I’m not sure why his mum isn’t!

Faster · 24/10/2018 21:11

I knew I was deeply loved. But myself and my mum aren’t touchy-feely people. But we had a super special secret hand squeeze when holding hands when I was little. Three little squeezes meant ‘I love you’

NonaGrey · 24/10/2018 21:11

My parents very affectionate, hugs, kisses, held our hands, told us they loved us and that they were proud of us. We always knew that they’d be there for us no matter what.

We were very fortunate.

I’m raising my own children pretty similarly. They don’t “rule the roost” though OP, that’s not terribly healthy.

Original poster
MarmaLaid · 24/10/2018 21:13

Yes would be interesting to know ages, I’m mid 30’s too as above poster also said.

OP posts:
Faster · 24/10/2018 21:13

I’m mid thirties and my mum had me at 35.

Original poster
MarmaLaid · 24/10/2018 21:15

I don’t think my children rule the roost. I just mean that kids in general these days seem to get what they want an awful lot, parents want to spoil them and give them everything they ask for or want to do. Eg. Stay up late, this toy or that toy, what to watch on tv etc

OP posts:
MaiaRindell · 24/10/2018 21:17

I’m 42. I always felt deeply loved. I was told I was loved by my mum, cuddled often and told she was proud and I was special. I am still told this now but not as often! My mum and Dad were divorced. My dad lived abroad and was loving and affectionate when I saw him. He is almost 80 but still calls to tell me he loves me.

westwalk · 24/10/2018 21:17

Very! I was extremely lucky. I'm 35. Huggy, affectionate, supportive, proud. Very lucky. Hope I can be half as good.

DramaAlpaca · 24/10/2018 21:18

Mine weren't very affectionate, DH's even less so, but we were loved. We are mid-50s. I've always been very affectionate towards our DC, DH doesn't find it so easy to be, but the DC know they are very loved. At least I hope so!

NonaGrey · 24/10/2018 21:23

My parents very affectionate, hugs, kisses, held our hands, told us they loved us and that they were proud of us. We always knew that they’d be there for us no matter what.

We were very fortunate.

I’m raising my own children pretty similarly. They don’t “rule the roost” though OP, that’s not terribly healthy.

Juliecloud · 24/10/2018 21:24

No. My mum in particular was worse. She has never said she loved me and never hugged me as a child (or adult). My dad at least gave me hugs and kisses and told me he was proud of me.

Since my mum sees her friends getting hugs and kisses from their grown-up children, she now wants me to hug and kiss her. No, dear. That ship has sailed.

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 24/10/2018 21:24

Nope. 30’s too. I tell my dc I love them and kiss/cuddle them about 100 times a day.

kennelmaid · 24/10/2018 21:26

My parents never said they loved me or my siblings, we were never hugged or kissed. I was the oldest and when I was little I used to wish I'd never been born because then my mam and dad would have been happy and I never wanted to have children of my own because they only brought you misery.

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 24/10/2018 21:26

Just following on my parents each give me a kiss/hug at Christmas and I want to shrivel up and die. It feels so unnatural and kind of makes my skin crawl.

Verbena87 · 24/10/2018 21:32

I don’t think it’s strictly generational but do wonder if there’s a bit of a class element? My parents have always been really affectionate with us (I’m 31) and dad’s parents (working class) are the same and I assume always have been. Mum’s parents (well off and quite posh) are less demonstrative and kind of warm/natural around their children and I think have always been this way. My husband’s parents (working class and Northern, he’s 35) are massively affectionate and welcoming - a really huggy household which I love.

Original poster
MarmaLaid · 24/10/2018 21:34

Not sure it’s class thing as both my parents are working class background

OP posts:
hmmwhatatodo · 24/10/2018 21:34

Nope.

Alexandra2018 · 24/10/2018 21:35

Mid 30s here, no form of affection what so ever! This isn't something that comes natural to me I blame them!

pallisers · 24/10/2018 21:37

I'm just in my 50s and my parents were very affectionate and loving. Told us they loved us every day, hugged and kissed us (had the secret handshake thing too :)) I think their parents were similar and we reared our children the same way. We certainly didn't rule the roost though - but we were made to feel loved and treated as really important to them - so my mum would have made any sacrifice for our education but would watch what tv show she wanted. She would expect us to do the washing up and eat what was available but would have been very aware of all our friendships and what was going on in our lives and would have encouraged us a lot.

midsomermurderess · 24/10/2018 21:37

No, and often actively undermining and sneering and belittling. I really have no idea why they had children.

Bumply · 24/10/2018 21:44

My Mum was born in the 20s and was never hugged by her parents.
I was born in the 60s and Mum made a conscious effort to hug all of us despite it not coming naturally. I didn't know until I was an adult that she'd found it hard to do.
Hugs with my boys is second nature to me. My eldest went through a phase of claiming to be too old for hugs but this only lasted a few weeks and we still hug now he's 20 (when I see him)