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Original poster

Would you have your elderly (ish) mother move in with you?

63 replies

IAmGrootGrootGroot · 24/10/2018 10:54

Well... would you?

OP posts:
Angrybird345 · 24/10/2018 11:08

No way!!!

jammydodger5 · 24/10/2018 11:10

I think it depends on your relationship with your mother and if you have a husband/kids to make sure there okay with it first.

SallyWD · 24/10/2018 11:10

It depends on sooo many different factors but in theory yes I would. My mum is a very easy going and would be easy to live with.

Thistles24 · 24/10/2018 11:12

Her house is bigger than ours, so if needed, we would move in with her. I wouldn’t hesitate to- we get on really well and she’s done so much for me, I would love to repay some of her kindness.

Rigamorph · 24/10/2018 11:12

Probably. We bought a house with potential to convert the outbuildings into a 'granny flat'.
(Potentially would have any one of the 4 parents live with us, would be crowded if more than that, not yet in a scenario where we need to implement a 'one in, one out' rule)
Hmm

TonTonMacoute · 24/10/2018 11:13

Yes, but only if it was possible for us to have independent space, not sharing as housemates.

newmumwithquestions · 24/10/2018 11:13

Through choice - no.
If she needed it (eg say it was go into a home or move in) then yes

VioletCharlotte · 24/10/2018 11:22

That's a really difficult question to answer. Hypothetically, I think I would, depending on the circumstances. If she had dementia, I'd prefer her to be somewhere she could get the care she really needs. But if she really wanted to stay with me, for example after a hip op or similar, then I would have her as she has always been there for me.

OatsBeansBarley · 24/10/2018 11:25

Yes. But that's us.

And my husband agreed we could many years ago while saying he couldn't cope with his own mum. It depends on the people involved. And as said above the level of care required.

WeaselsRising · 24/10/2018 11:29

No no no. Never. Taking her on holiday is a nightmare. I had to live with her for 3 months and got out as soon as I could. Someone would end up killing someone.

MortyVicar · 24/10/2018 11:30

I did. Mum moved in with DP and me when my dad died, and lived with us till the day she died of dementia and heart failure.

DP was happy for her to be here, while admitting he couldn't have done it for his own mum. Mine and his were very different characters.

flumpybear · 24/10/2018 11:31

Only in a self contained granny flat preferably a long walk aaAy!

GreyhoundzRool · 24/10/2018 11:32

No. I do a lot of caring responsibilities for her at the moment which takes a whole lot of time. I need my space or my mental health suffers. I know even if we had a separate annexe she would still expect to spend evenings etc together

user1andonly · 24/10/2018 11:34

No!

We get on fine but have different ways of doing things and would drive each other mad within a very short space of time. I'd have her close by in sheltered housing and visit often for short periods. Same for my dad/mil/fil.

GooseberryJam · 24/10/2018 11:35

No. Currently facing this with my dad and have concluded that for the sake of my own mental health I have to rule it out.

Pyjamaface · 24/10/2018 11:37

My Mum? Yes, wouldn't hesitate.

My Dad? No, no chance.

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 24/10/2018 11:39

Nope, I'm the least favourite of the dc so she probably wouldn't want to anyway. Aside from that I have a child with special needs so our house is quite stressful already.

womanhuman · 24/10/2018 11:46

I think so.

bigbluebus · 24/10/2018 11:46

I'm the opposite to you pyjamaface. I could have coped with my Dad here but not my Mother. In fact DH would have moved out if I'd brought my DM to live here.

BiscuitDrama · 24/10/2018 11:47

I’d really rather not, but if it was that or a home, then probably yes.

crosstalk · 24/10/2018 11:47

Yes, but only after a full and frank discussion about what was expected. And only if I could offer a self-contained space where she could be independent. I love my ma dearly and she's very interesting and helpful, but I wouldn't want every meal with her nor she me.

Justmuddlingalong · 24/10/2018 11:48

Never in a million years. But then, I very seldom speak to her, so there's little chance of the conversation coming up. thank christ

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/10/2018 11:50

No. I don't get on that well with my mother (she failed me as a teenager, when I was being bullied at school and she did nothing to help me, leading to me having suicidal thoughts at age 14, and a lifetime of depression), plus she is a smoker who cannot and will not give up, and there is no way I would live with a smoker.

She was in hospital last year for 7 weeks, completely cigarette free, but took it up again when she was discharged, because she had stocked up on fags before Christmas, and didn't want to waste them.

We get on OK when we are some hundreds of miles apart, but it would destroy my mental health to have to live with her.

bumblebee39 · 24/10/2018 11:51

Nope.

Like in theory I think it would be better than her going in a home but in practice we would actually kill each other

PositivelyPERF · 24/10/2018 11:53

I wouldn’t take her in, even if she was homeless. You reap what you sow.

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