Would you have your elderly (ish) mother move in with you?

[IAmGrootGrootGroot]

Well... would you?

Yes, but only if my DH agreed. I would really struggle to have my MIL living with us so I would have to be sensitive to the fact that he may feel the same about my mum.

I dread this coming up. It caused a major rift in my husbands family when his gran needed more care. His aunt wanted their mum to go into a home but his dad wouldn't hear of it. She moved in with my husbands family and his dad didn't speak to his aunt for over a decade. They did manage to make some degree of amends but he obviously didn't really like his sister after that. Sacred me as I'd probably be on his aunts side. We have enough space that we could build a granny annexe at the end of the garden if need be but whilst I could probably cope with my mum I'm not sure I could say the same about my MIL (she's perfectly pleasant). My husband has a brother with no kids and a four bed house close to their mums so hopefully if it was ever needed she could go there.

A whole heap of nope.
I love my DM but I couldn't live with her. And if she moved in then MIL would want a slice of that pie and she'd be a fucking nightmare.
I would move my DM nearby and arrange all manner of care and see her every day though.

Would depend on the why and how long For?
Forever I cant say i would. Due to illness and a short term need of care absoloutly.

I'm in this situation right now. It's not ideal but I felt I had no choice. My mum is having cancer treatment and couldn't cope living far away from me & alone.
She's been with me around 10 months now. I have to admit she is driving me nuts! Its a 2 bed flat so she has moved into my DD's room and my DD now sleeps with me and plays in the living room. There's more cooking, cleaning and housework all around and my mum doesn't do very much of it because most of the time she says she doesn't feel up to it. I resent it as I don't think that's completely true, she has always been very messy, way before she got ill and I feel like she could do more instead of having me running around ragged all the time.
On the bright side I'm a single parent so it's nice to have the adult company & babysitting pretty much on tap, which has enabled me to get more of a life than I used to have.

Hell no, it would end in her (accidental) murder pretty quickly.

No I couldn't. My parents did make "we should move nearer to you" noises and I sent house brochures and things, so living closer would be good - we could pop in and help them if needed. But they decided against it and I couldn't have my mum live with me.

I like to think so - whichever of my remaining parent lives longest plus assuming that they would like to move in with us. I'm an only child there is no-one else to share the burden and I have a good relationship with my parents. I think that I would convert our double garage into a separate annex so they could have their own space.

There is no way that I would want to do this for MIL though. The actual graft of caring responsibilities more often than not, falls on women and I just don't have the same feelings of love/duty towards my MIL by a long margin!

Yes

We don’t have room but I would really struggle with it anyway.

Part of my culture... But more so she has done everything to nurture and grow us as individuals.. Wouldn't think twice to have her and mil in fact

It depends. We seriously considered having my Mil live with us in her elder years. We put it off and she eventually developed dementia. DH wanted her to live with us then but that meant me being her carer. I said no. Mil has long since died but it still causes issues with us now. He couldn't give up work as the higher earner but I honestly don't believe he would have anyway. The reality of elderly care at that level is the same as a baby but with someone the size of an adult: feeding, washing and wiping bums. I wasn't prepared to do that for my Mil. If we had agreed to her living with us when she was relatively well then I am certain I would have ended up caring for her when she suffered from dementia. It all sounds lovely but having worked in elderly care I understand the nitty gritty and wasn't prepared to wipe my mils bum. Simple as that.

When I first met dh we actually discussed /promised - no relatives would ever come live with us!
They will all reap what they sowed.