Do you know what pisses me off about parents evenings?

[BretonStripe]

My eldest child is in YR3, youngest in Reception. So just worked out dh and I have attended eight parents evenings so far (two per academic year).

Had ds1's tonight and got told he's working at greater depth, he's polite, works hard, contributes well etc I thanked his teachers for all their hard work...they smiled and nodded appreciation...but failed to thank us? We work hard at raising polite children, who are always on time to school with breakfast inside them, eager and willing to learn. We read with/to them every night, and help them with their homework.

Do teachers generally not credit parents for anything? Is it normal for them not to say something along the lines of "thanks for all you do too?".

Is the op still behind the sofa?

Have a Blue Peter badge!

The planet is dying under the burden if 7.6+BILLIONhumans, with 240,000 more bred every day, and you want special praise for contributing to this and doing basic parenting? Fuck me, it costs the state hundreds of thousands of pounds to educate your kid for 14 years. Say thank you.

This is a joke right?

reallybadidea and thestopandchat

Oh, I’m all for raising children to be polite and to say please and thank you. Definitely all for - those who know me often at the lengths I go to with mine.

This is different though. A parent is raising their child to show gratitude to them for food. Gratitude suggests optionality, or that the child is benefiting from some good fortune.

A thank you to a parent for a genuine treat, like a new and coveted pair of shoes, or a much wanted trip to a musical or something - for sure I would be expecting a thank you.

But food? Random dinner on a Tuesday night, fuel to keep the body going? Is the child to thank the parent for heating and hot water, paying council tax and taking the child to school?

I’m assuming here that we’re not talking about a situation where the parent had to go without food in order for the child to eat. Even then, I think I’d still feel uneasy.

7salmon what is your issue with a parent putting out some tea for a child and them saying thank you?
My ds age 3 can manage thank you mummy when I hand him his tea/a drink. Same as he is encouraged/sometimes remembers to say thank you if I pass him a toy or book. He’s learning to be respectful and pleasant.
So that we he grows up he will thank a partner who makes a meal for him, or passes the tv remote. It’s basic respect and manners.

Naturally I will never expect him to say “thanks for putting the heating on mum”. He’s too little to understand that we meet his needs by keeping him warm. But when I do something specifically for him, and hand it to him, whether I’ve bought it/cooked it/assembled it for him it’s an obvious cue for a thank you. And basic manners are being instilled.

7salmonswimming
I agree. I'm all for expressing thanks. I thank my students for a lovely lesson.Many of them thank me at the end of the lesson as they leave.
It probably is standard to say 'thanks' after a meal or when someone passes you a cup of tea.
What make some laugh is that the OP claims her children always say thank you for dinner Mummy. It sounds trite, forced and more of a trained thing than expressing actually thanks or gratitude.

This thread has been the best though.

I thought the op was a high tide point for comedy gold but some of the responses below it out the water.

I must remember to thank the teacher for contributing to a tax system that educates my child whilst flaggelating myself for procreating at all when I go to parent's evening tonight.

Elementtree
Don't just say thank you. I hope you have a full fanfare and thank you banners. The works.

Good idea Maisy. I've got my 5 minute slot and I'm going to be more thankful than Gwyneth at the Oscars.

O think the OP has a point. I remember the one time that a primary school teacher thanked is for the fact that DS always did his weekly homework. He said he was under no illusion about how difficult it must sometimes be to get DS to do it ( DS has ASD and ADHD) and he appreciated it

It did make me happy and appreciated and actually stood out in all the parents evenings as most of them made me feel pretty crap. I on the other hand always thanked every teacher for the work that did with DS ,albeit less effusively for the ones who weren't great with him as I knew he could be difficult to help at school.

L

Absolutely absurd to expect to be thanked by a teacher for doing your job as a parent. You're bonkers.

The teacher shouldn’t thank you because it’s not their child. You thank others for doing something for you. You’ve done nothing for this teacher, you’ve raised your child well for their benefit, not the teachers benefit. Do you expect people (shopkeepers, bus drivers etc) everywhere you go to say ‘thank you for raising such a well behaved child’?

Stop acting like the world owes you for the basic things you do. We all do them.

Some teacher friends of mine are having a blast quoting this thread on FB! One of them has signed up to MN apparently purely based on how excellent everyone’s responses were

Maybe HQ should thank the OP for bringing more users in!?

ihope
It's making my morning.

Just wondering if the best way to thank at next parents evening is to go for the hand on the heart gesture or on my knees to suggest worship and admiration

I've got a nasty feeling this is going to be a discussion on This Morning/Loose Women/whichever lame show trawls MN for a suitable topic for an in-depth, hard-hitting, three-minute session.

I've recently taken up learning the trumpet. I have just about mastered a basic fanfare. For a small fee, OP, I'd be happy to announce your arrival at the next parent's evening...

Outlier here. I think the best parent and teacher relations should be as a partnership where each respects the role of the other in the child's development and they work together to deliver that.

I guess what OP is saying is that she feels like the teacher is trying to take credit for the effort the parents have put into raising the child. I can understand if it was delivered that way that would be annoying.

Our school are very good at stressing the importance of the school - home partnership and always take the time to thank the parent community for their support at home, not just when they've helped out on school trips.

Hello to LegoPiece's teacher friends from facebook!

I spend most of the start of parents evening apologising for the effect my kids have on their teachers' wine consumption to be honest!

Lady I was just about to suggest a trumpet announcement! Clearly it’s meant to be!

Maisy on your knees surely!? How else will you convey your gratitude for them!

OP I've done my best parenting also a teacher and my Y1 child is a free reader etc. (nothing to do with me) BUT my parents evenings are about how possible ASD is a massive barrier to learning (meltdowns, 'I'm not doing that work' etc.).

It's not all about you.

The OP accepted the point ages ago, but dozens of posters are still piling in to have a go at her. Not nice.

A teacher thanked me once. I had just thanked her for all she had done for DS2 (as is normal), and she reciprocated. She was a lovely, gentle, really nice woman.
I was a bit surprised and felt awkward. I didn't know how to respond.
I think I said something along the lines "But, he's my son...!"

Wtf? They’re your kids op, why on earth do you think you need a gold star for raising decent human beings? Has society sunk this low?!

I have actually been thanked a few times by my dds’ secondary school teachers. Usually it follows me thanking them and they will do a “and thank you” in acknowledgement of the well behaved, hard working kids I’m trying to raise.

I certainly don’t expect it though, and am aware that it’s partly them just being polite. I think this is one of the most entitled things I’ve read!

Ok fair play notonyournelly. That’ll teach me to rtft in future!