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Original poster

How to politely handle the pious child-free colleague

66 replies

Shambalashawadeewadee · 13/10/2018 14:08

I have a colleague who is very nice but thinks she understands what it is to be a parent when she doesn’t have children (she’s mid twenties). It is simultaneously hilarious and irritating to receive parenting tips from her (mainly about how her own parents got it right). It’s difficult to set her straight because she gets very offended if someone does (she told me how upset she’d been when a friend’s sister had made a mildly sarcastic comment about how well behaved colleague’s children were share to be if she had them).
Any tips?!

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 13/10/2018 14:08

Smile and wave
She may learn one day.

Wardrobee · 13/10/2018 14:10

Yea I got 2 of those at work as well, a man and a woman. The man doesn’t understand how pregnant women gain weight during pregnancy when a baby is only 7 pounds or so. Ah well I have learnt to block their conversation out and just ignore them.

Original poster
Shambalashawadeewadee · 13/10/2018 14:11

Lol! I do hope she recalls these conversations and cringes when she does.

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VladmirsPoutine · 13/10/2018 14:13

I can't imagine that she's making comments everyday. How often is everyone talking about their children?

I just wouldn't engage. Leave them to it and get on with your work.

LongSummerDays · 13/10/2018 14:28

After being hospitalised with HG I was asked by a child free colleague (complete with head tilt) had I tried ginger biscuits? Hmm

Dazedandconfused1988 · 13/10/2018 14:31

After I lost DS in the 3rd trimester I felt like I could help, I essentially researched everything about pregnancy and was passing any info I had onto every expectant mother I knew.
People must’ve thought I was both arrogant and mad, but really I had PTSD and wanted to give any advice I could to stop people losing their DC like I did.

VladmirsPoutine · 13/10/2018 14:32

Dazedandconfused1988 Flowers

Stripybeachbag · 13/10/2018 14:35

I would treat her remarks seriously and give honest but polite answers as why you will very probably not be following her advice.

She is mid-twenties. She needs to learn at some stage that she doesn't know everything. If she gets offended to bad. You ultimately will be doing her a favour.

Rebecca36 · 13/10/2018 14:36

Just ignore her, change the subject. She'll learn soon enough when she has kids of her own.

No-one should ever give advice if they are not qualified to do so - maybe you could have a conversation with her along those lines one day, not specifically about her child care comments. She may be too thick skinned to get the hint though :-).

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/10/2018 14:38

Just laugh nicely and say, bless you, I remember I thought I had all the answers before I actually had kids, too!

ScreamingValenta · 13/10/2018 14:41

Does most of the conversation in your workplace revolve around your children? If so, this might be the only way she feels she can join in, so it would be fair to cut her some slack.

HopeGarden · 13/10/2018 14:41

Just laugh nicely and say, bless you, I remember I thought I had all the answers before I actually had kids, too!

^^ yes. I too found it really easy to be a perfect parent with perfect children..... that is until my first child was born.

MeanTangerine · 13/10/2018 14:43

Is it that most conversations in the workplace revolve around children and this is the only way she can join in?

CinnaMessala · 13/10/2018 14:47

I’d tell her that you appreciate her trying to join in the conversation and be friendly, but does she not realise how giving you unasked for parenting tips from based on her own childhood 20 years ago is coming across? If she says no, smile and shake your hand gently while whispering, a bit offensive to be honest.

Dazedandconfused1988 · 13/10/2018 14:55

Thanks for the flowers Vlad ❤️

OliviaBenson · 13/10/2018 14:57

Does she have a point though? Just because she isn't a parent doesn't mean her opinion automatically isn't valid. I'm not a politician but I certainly have opinions and points to make on politics. Just because she doesn't have her own shouldn't mean you write anything she says off.

And yy go people asking if all the conversations in the office are child focussed.

ShotsFired · 13/10/2018 14:57

How often is everyone talking about their children?

Or is she walking in each morning and immediately launching into a non-stop tirade of tips and advice all day without prompting?

(non stop child talk can be extremely draining in a non-relevant environment. I gave up a fitness class/course because all the other participants talked about was their children.)

VladmirsPoutine · 13/10/2018 15:00

azedandconfused1988 I went through something similar and without wanting to go into it too much, after the haze had cleared I thought just how utterly deranged I must have appeared to everyone.

AnnaMagnani · 13/10/2018 15:06

Is she a tedious know-it-all? Or is she attempting to join in conversation?

DH and I got trapped in a dinner party where the sole topic of conversation all night was the other couples' teenage children. Not having any ourselves, it made it impossible to join in without looking like we were giving parenting tips. It was a looooong evening.

If that is the majority of conversation in your workplace, she may be stuck for anything to say.

TSSDNCOP · 13/10/2018 15:08

Perhaps she sees it as a way in to the smug parent conversations.

I have friends that are literally frozen out of conversations at work and on nights out when the others launch into the kiddy conversation.

ElspethFlashman · 13/10/2018 15:08

God I remember this one colleague who was convinced she was a parenting expert because her best friend had a 2 year old.

Every child in the world was then compared to that child. If they were dissimilar in any way, it was The Fault of the Parents.

(The kid sounded spoilt to me, but whatever)

God she never shut up. I just nodded and smiled, and occasionally avoided her entirely, not in the mood for another monologue about correct parenting.

abacucat · 13/10/2018 15:10

Has she had lots of experience with kids? There are young adults because of their shit backgrounds who practically raised their younger siblings on their own, so actually do have a lot of experience. And actually a lot more experience than the average parent of raising kids in very difficult circumstances. But they often get patronised by older know it all parents.

Weepatchesoflove · 13/10/2018 15:13

Dazedandconfused1998 & VladmiresPoutine Flowers

Dazedandconfused1988 · 13/10/2018 16:45

Vlad yes in hindsight I must’ve come across as totally batshit.
It gave me purpose though and it did help at the time
So sorry for your loss Flowers

Original poster
Shambalashawadeewadee · 13/10/2018 18:12

No, conversations don’t often revolve around our children. However we do have children in our work place (we don’t work in a toy shop but imagine similar sort of setting) which brings up comments.

“Just laugh nicely and say, bless you, I remember I thought I had all the answers before I actually had kids, too!” is the sort of thing her friend’s sister said to her which she was very peeved about.

The poster who said she had has a right to comment even though she doesn’t have children - commenting is one thing, advising is another. I think everyone who has children would agree, no matter how empathetic they were beforehand, the understanding of being a parent can not be imagined, only experienced.

It’s not something which annoys me enough to fall out with her about but I just wondered if there was a way to address it!

OP posts: