How to politely handle the pious child-free colleague

[Shambalashawadeewadee]

I have a colleague who is very nice but thinks she understands what it is to be a parent when she doesn’t have children (she’s mid twenties). It is simultaneously hilarious and irritating to receive parenting tips from her (mainly about how her own parents got it right). It’s difficult to set her straight because she gets very offended if someone does (she told me how upset she’d been when a friend’s sister had made a mildly sarcastic comment about how well behaved colleague’s children were share to be if she had them).
Any tips?!

thinks she understands what it is to be a parent

This sentence from you explains the dynamic perfectly

[grin]@Gettinglikemymother

Wow! There’s a lot of assumptions on here.

She does not get SHOT DOWN! If you read my OP I was asking for advice on how or whether to say anything. No-one (at work...) has said anything to her.

It must hard if you don’t have kids and you want them. I wouldn’t suggest for a second I understand how hard that must be because I haven’t been through it. Equally I wouldn’t be offering unwanted advice about dealing with it.

I think it’s not unreasonable to say that someone who has children and lives with children might know more about them than someone who hasn’t and doesn’t (and is 20yrs younger than the people they are talking to). It’s equally not unreasonable to not offer advice about a subject which is a) entirely personal b) something you have no experience of, whether that be parenting or anything else!

When we were younger, my friend was a nanny but lived elsewhere.

DS1 was crying and not settling one night, and she phoned and said if she was there he would be calm

I genuinely do not think she realised how supremely unhelpful that was!

Meh. It seems unlikely that, by virtue of having kids, your life contains complexities such that they're beyond the comprehension of a 25 year old. She probably thinks she's just small talking with colleagues.

She'll learn soon enough when she has kids of her own.

Change when to if. This is assuming all women go on to be mothers which isn't the case.

She might not want them having heard how incredibly complex and nuanced being parent is from OP and her fellow Mummy colleagues.

Or she might not be able to have them.

Tbh I can see myself a bit in this annoying colleague- I talk about how my parents brought me up cos if, as happens a lot, people at work start talking about kids I just join in for the chat. I’m not really ‘making a point’ just talking. Also she might be interested in parenting or have prior experiences of being around kids. Without an example of the kind of thing she says it’s hard to say how yuy could respond.

“Let's hope she eventually learns the hard way!”

Lovely attitude

Saucer of milk for Enid Button!

Since when did I say it was complexed and nuanced?! Those of us who do have kids all have other halves who work as well and multiple kids and sometimes it’s just a bloody slog so the misplaced parental advice from aforementioned young, child free colleague is unwelcome. We don’t often talk about our kids, our workplace is too busy for that.

Pingu dance, that does sound a bit like her!

Anyway, I think this fairly innocuous thread has run its course. Thanks for the replies (even the chippy ones )

It doesn’t so bad that she’s pious

Most advice doesn’t work from other parents anyway, babies tend to do their own thing, and I’m sure what she’s saying isn’t that different

I don’t think you should be so set on who can and can’t give advice. Just learn to filter

I can think of bad advice from people who are trained in it to a certain extent

Another lets bash the child free thread. Not everyone who is child free behaves like this. I never give advice to my friends with children unless it's asked for. If we are planning a trip out i always consider their family obligations and go along what's best for them. I also try not to judge. In fact I find that's it's other parents who are the most judgemental.

Anyway, I think this fairly innocuous thread has run its course.

I bet you do.

Stop talking about your children

I am with those who say "cut her some slack".

Am child free but a cat owner and if someone who isn't a cat owner offers an opinion or advice about my cat's behaviour, medical treatment etc. I don't get annoyed or think their opinion automatically isn't valid, I just think that it is their way of trying to be nice and help.

Similarly, I work in investment and often get men telling me about their investments or what I may want to invest in. It is their way of trying to contribute to the conversation and I take it in the spirit in which it is intended (mostly benign).

@pigeondujour I have no issue continuing

@pigeondujour I have no problems continuing this thread. It does seem to be upsetting those who see any criticism at one person who is childless as being levelled at everyone who is childless though which is bizarre so I was trying to step out nicely. Feel to carry on with your pithy and helpful comments though

I do have an issue with my phone though!