Help. Can't leave the sofa

[Babysharkdoodoodoodo]

DH is away tonight and I just looked down.

Aaaaaaargh!

And now it's vanished.

Oh god. He's probably hiding in my slipper.

You will need to burn that slipper. Possibly the whole house.

Burn the house down.

OMg stop being so pathetic!!
You HAVE to leave the sofa to get the matches to burn said sofa.
Pathetic

Texted dh and he just said; Told you we needed conkers.

I waited until it strolled across the room and pelted upstairs

Now he'll be waiting until the morning. I didn't tell ds1 so he might get a shock when he sneaks down for cereal at 3am.

I need new slippers anyway. Bloody spider willy all over these.

The means of its demise were right next to it, it was obviously a suicidal loofah, you would have been providing a dignitas type service.

Hardbacks are your friend, if you ever see a book on the floor in my house, don't lift unless you are willing to be an accomplice.

Definitely laid eggs around the house.. put the house on the market tomorrow and move Pronto !!