Need to write a CV - bloody hell!

[BingoBilly]

I've been in my current role for rather a long time. I've just seen a dream position I want to apply for & I need a new CV. So I've just googled to see what the current fashion for CV's is & I'm Bloody hell, when did they get so colourful & 'designed'. I feel well out of my depth. Is this how it is nowadays or will a simple, plain & clear one-pager do?

We recently advertised a job and all we want is a simple plain clear CV that shows you can do the job advertised.

The colourful and designed ones are usually from (a) actual graphic designers, and (b) other people who don't have a clue how to make a professional CV, and will therefore cause amusement in the office and be put firmly in the reject pile.

Most CVs tend to be two pages long. It might be one page for a school leaver, or occasionally 3-6 pages for highly skilled technical jobs. Plain and clear is the way to go.