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Original poster

Do you judge people who have had sex with a lot of people?

89 replies

abacucat · 09/10/2018 13:54

Please be honest.
How much would it have to be for you to judge negatively?
And does it make a difference to your judgement if it is a man or woman who has had sex with a lot of people?

OP posts:
Bananasinpyjamas11 · 09/10/2018 16:04

I guess I do, in that it would be like any other piece of information on people, it would build a picture. I dont think it should demean someone. Hmmm if someone was in their 30s or over

Up to 20 - seems unremarkable
Up to 50 - sociable person, likes a drink?!
Up to 100 - a player / a vulnerable person / lonely person
100+ - possibly addictive personality/ maybe abused as a child / real player / someone who has difficulty with long term relationships/ or just loves sex and loves being single!

Rebecca36 · 09/10/2018 16:07

I wouldn't ask. Not my business.

YourMilkshakeIsBetterThanMine · 09/10/2018 16:20

I don't have any idea how many people my friends have had sex with. I wouldn't judge. I'd hope people were safe and happy.

I had a lot of fun at uni. I'd say 25-30 people in the space of 18 months. Then I got together with DH and haven't had sex with anyone else for 13 years. My friends wouldn't know my "number" and I wouldn't accept any judgement.

Haireverywhere · 09/10/2018 16:25

Bananas- I do enjoy a good systematic approach Wink

Likes a drink? Are there people who have never had alcohol before sex but have had slept with over 50 people?

I assume people who numb out with sex are more likely to numb out with alcohol too. I guess those are the 100+ who don't fit your single and love sex range.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 09/10/2018 16:35

It was meant to be quite tongue in cheek that comment! And the rest!

I think we do all judge, to a degree. The more we are open about this, the more we can challenge our own judgements. Also the better we understand each other. I bet every single one of us has associations in our head about the number of people a friend has slept with. Subtle but it will form part of our overall picture of them.

People do often open up to me, I seem to know the sexual histories of quite a few! I hope the reason they feel that they can be open, is that rather than go ‘oh right’, I ask questions and listen, I learn, I don’t assume. Doesn’t mean I’m not without a framework though, we all are.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 09/10/2018 16:37

Why would you think one night stands are vanilla sex? Or that people only experiment in secure long term relationships?

Bluntness100 I suppose it depends on your definition of vanilla sex, but ONS are not going to be that varied. Most kinks (especially ones pertaining to BDSM) should be explored in a loving, trusting, secure relationship where safe precautions are taken and you know the person.

You absolutely should not be trying the majority of kinks with a stranger you’ve just met or someone youve only been with a few weeks or months - that is not safe sex and you would be very sexually irresponsible.

twattymctwatterson · 09/10/2018 16:56

I'm not actually understanding what you feel there is to judge. Also assuming women would only have a high number of partners due to childhood trauma is just misogyny. Women can enjoy casual sex just like men can

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 09/10/2018 16:58

None of my business.

I'd feel a.bit sad for them if they were promiscuous due to alcohol abuse or MH problems tho.

SpoonBlender · 09/10/2018 17:00

Situational. I've found myself mildly envious if they've been doing it safely and having fun. If it's someone with a serial abuser habit, I'm more sad for them really.

Original poster
abacucat · 09/10/2018 17:24

twatty several hundred partners is a bit more than just liking casual sex.

OP posts:
twattymctwatterson · 09/10/2018 17:34

Well you're assuming that there's a difference between a woman that sleeps with hundreds of men and men who sleep with hundreds of women. That's what I'm getting at. What do you think is actually wrong with sleeping with a large number of partners? Providing it's all safe and consensual that is

LemonysSnicket · 09/10/2018 18:45

I don't give a shit so long as they weren't hurting anyone while doing it

Haireverywhere · 09/10/2018 19:48

Yes sorry bananas I did mean to be TIC back!

I completely agree we all have a framework in mind. I'd want to check my daughter didn't use sex in an unhealthy way if she told me she was having casual sex in the high numbers but if she was safe and felt good about it, I'd be OK with it (I think....hmmm). I certainly don't approve of alcohol related decision making re sex. But I keep my judgements to myself and at my age I'm well past friends telling me about a drunk ONS.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 09/10/2018 20:19

Totally agree Hair!

There’s no wrongs, but some things are potential red flags - sleeping with loads and loads that I’d either be
Worried about a friend
Wary of a potential boyfriend
Concerned about a son/daughter

But I have got drunk and had a ons so I’m in no position to judge really! Blush

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