Staying out all night

[Ribbon86]

Hey I’m new to all this feeling a bit low .
Been married 4 years together 13 not got on for a while , biggest problem is he feels it’s ok to go a night out and stay out all night usually with his drug taking mates and their girlfriends is it just me or is this unacceptable , we have 3 kids x

Depends how often it is and if you get equal chance to do the same!

I wouldn't find it acceptable, no

Unnacceptable. But others may find it acceptable. What do YOU think?

Do you have time out with your friends and as a couple too?

It wouldn’t bother me as long as he pulled his weight with the kids/house and it didn’t stop him doing things with us as a family.

Currently sitting here in tears ( sad I know ) I have never stayed out all night I find it did respectful , I have no issue with nights out going clubbing etc and coming home but all night in other people’s houses with these kid if people doesn’t sit well with me . We’ve had loads of issues recently , My mum Looks after the kids Monday -Friday until we come home from work I work late 2nights therefore he comes home in time for dinner etc however recently he’s been “stuck in traffic” not even a phone call to let my mum know then tells the kids to fend for themselves (13,10, 8 ) while he plays football , I can’t speak to him because if he doesn’t like what I’m saying I’m controlling I’m this I’m that , he takes no responsibility so I left the house at 7.45 this morning and walked to Tesco ( 35 min walk ) because I can’t bear it anymore he’s so nasty sbout things and a lot of the time I thing he like disagreeing with me so he can go do his own thing. The thing is I don’t stop him I just want him to put kids first and he won’t, I’ve still not went home ( first time I’ve ever walked out hence the reason for crying I’m feeling guilty leaving the kids . I’ve just had a text basically saying all I do is talk s**t and he’s going out to watch the boxing ( 4am start ) which means he’ll be planning to go out soon until tomorrow some time . I really want to stay here just because I feel like he’s walking all over me but I’m feeling guilty please help x

@VenelopeVonSweetz I go to yoga the odd Tuesday after work but only go with friends if it’s planned in advance due to childcare etc , he goes as and when he pleases

You sound very unhappy OP.

Do you have any family nearby that you could go to stay at for the rest of the weekend?

Hugs and op. I think you should go home, take the kids out, and do something fun with them. Cinema? Swimming? Just let you ‘d’h get on with things. Do you have someone you can call in real life? Your mum? A sister? A friend?

I’d also be worried that if his friends are taking drugs then he is too. That would be a real deal breaker for me.

He is also a drug user

And probably a shagger

He is certainly a nasty piece of shit. Why are you with him ?

I’m currently in my mums , I have called the girls and told them I had to go to work I don’t want them worrying as I’ve never left before . Should I go home and let him go out or leave him to make arrangements for a sitter ?
Thanks for all the support even tho the nice comments are making me cry more it is helping me x

It completely depends in your relationship. If my DH wanted to do this occasionally - even the drugs bit - I'd be absolutely fine with it. Occasionally meaning no more than once every couple of months or so. We met each other when we were both on a bender.... that was a long time ago now and pre-kids.

Obviously its not cool with you though so you need to look at why that is and have a chat with him and you either come to some sort of compromise, or if its not something you feel you can compromise on you let him know that its unacceptable to you and then go through with a consequence if it happens again.

I’ll be honest I think it’s habit we’ve been together a long time and I’ve let him away with so much so trying to change things now are proving to be harder than I thought . Surely at 32 you realise where your priorities lie , the problem is he takes me for granted knowing I’ll akways be there on hand for the kids while he does what he wants

@LittleMissedTheSunshine thanks for the advice .
He’s not someone you can have a convo with ....I’m always wrong or talking s**t which upsets me because it’s how I feel and to him it doesn’t matter

He sounds selfish and disrespectful. I would be making a plan to split up now unless you see any realistic prospect of him changing

What he says to you sounds much worse than him being away overnight, in fact I’d be glad if he were away overnight.

I keep clinging on to the hope he’ll change and respect my feelings , I guess I’m just scared

It’s the whole making me look like an idiot in front of people that I don’t like , him showing off I’ll do what I want when I want type thing when all his mates are out with their partners because they don’t get to do what they want

He won't change. You need to decide what you are going to do.

Quite frankly I'm surprised that anyone finds this acceptable. This would be a deal breaker for me. OH and I have never shown such disrespect for each other, and never would.

We have gone to various dos without each other, including (planned) overnight stays. But to just not bother going home like your husband is doing is taking the piss. He is treating you like a housekeeper, not a wife.

@LoniceraJaponica thanks for your reply ...the reason I get upset is because I let it happen I just don’t know what to do not too . The reason for going out tonight is the boxing which starts approx 3-4am which he thinks is ok even tho I’m uncomfortable with it I’d never do it and the mates and girlfriends are not the nicest people , I went out for the first time with them and it’ll defo be my last , the girlfriends all took cocaine while out with one stating she only took it because everyone else does wtf I’ve never took drugs and defo wouldn’t take them to fit in

Is he straining the finances of the family with this behaviour? If so you need to think of you and your children and out yourselves first as he seems to be putting himself first selfishly. Cut this deadweight out of your life.

Put yourself first. I phone and me not getting on it seems

He earns a lot more than me I work 30 hrs per week I pay everything apart from the mortgage ( adds up to more ) he pays the mortgage and his car etc but I’m still expected to organise birthday food I worked it out today I have £6.34 per day until pay day but he’s going on an all night bender

The thing I notice about these men children on similar threads is that generally they had kids very young and seem to be acting out the carefree life they would have had in their twenties now with no regard for their children or commitments. And as usual the mum is left to keep the family going. It's a decision to have children he made as a teenager and he should be accepting the consequences but he's not. I've sounds like a useless father to be honest, is he adding anything to your lives really?