Staying out all night

[Ribbon86]

Hey I’m new to all this feeling a bit low .
Been married 4 years together 13 not got on for a while , biggest problem is he feels it’s ok to go a night out and stay out all night usually with his drug taking mates and their girlfriends is it just me or is this unacceptable , we have 3 kids x

Sending you strength o p as you deserve a lot more and this isn't easy to put up with.

He seems to think he is apparently his job makes us comfortable £6.34 per day comfortable on my part , I’ve always been really sensible with money and always manage to get the kids what they need but it’s got to the point I’m choosing between buying lunch for me or making sure the kids have enough lunch money for school all this is adding to how upset I am , I don’t have a clue how much money he has but it’s obviously enough to go a night out on

@ BlueEyedBengal thank you really means a lot to know people care even if they are strangers . Ps what would you do would you go home and let him go out or let him make other arrangements ? x

You know he is taking coke aswell right? And probably doesn't want you to hang around in his crowd because you don't?

I think yous may not be compatible. Cocaine can make people very selfish. I doubt he will want to stop.

As far as I’m aware he gets drug tested in work which makes me think he doesn’t or am I being naive ?

How often is his drug testing though? He also might get told about them in advance.

Honestly I think he is taking it yep. Especially if he is staying awake all night. Look for signs. Does he have a runny or blocked nose the next day? Does he appear to be on a 'come down' rather than just being hungover?

I don’t know if he’s told in advance he probably is and wouldn’t tell me , I’ve said that before about the way he is with a “hangover “ I manage to cope the next day he doesn’t . I’m really against it so he’d never admit that he does it’s the most selfish thing ever especially when you have kids

I think you know what to do. This won't go away on its own and needs to be dealt with. He's not thinking of you the women that brought his children into the world and nurtured them and loves them whilst he's off playing party animal. You think of you and ask your mum as she knows best what you are going through and your family would help you if you ask, it's not easy but ask and the help will be there for you.

Why would he change ?

He has everything his own way. You are treated as no more than the faithful old retainer and bottlewasher.

He needs a short, sharp shock.

He won’t have an adult conversation tho so how can I try sort it , I could tell him I’m really hurt blah blah blah and he’d still say I’m talking s••t . I explained about how it made me feel him staying out all night and he turns it around by saying your trying to control me you hate me going out etc that is the case I’d just like respect . I have so much time for people even strangers on the bus I’ll chat too and like to think I’m a decent person then I go home to the person who’s supposed to love me who treats me like rubbish , I’m struggling so much and I really appreciate the advice from you all

•is not the case

What are his good points?

He pays half the bills ( the mortgage ) he will help with the housework but I do need to ask , he will get shopping if I ask ( on a few occasions his response was “ you have legs you go “ ) he drives I don’t

I'd kick him out. He's horrible. Completely disrespectful. And he's taking drugs and drinking, using money which is for your children's food. I would be amazed if he wasn't having sex with other women.

As for money - if you divorced him, you would be much better off. He would have to pay maintenance. You would almost certainly get child tax credits. You wouldn't be living on £6 per day, that's for certain.

Personally I wouldn't hesitate to use his cards (contactless) to get some food.

I’ve not proven that’s he’s taking drugs but looking back now he probably has been . He’d be that spiteful to call the police if I ever used his card , I’ll akways make sure my kids are ok ie food etc but it is affecting me I always put them first now I’m worrying about Christmas and stuff it’s akeays down to me c, I think he thinks the magic fairy comes and clothes the kids and puts bread / milk in the fridge that’s unless I ask but try not to so I can’t be let down . Does anyone else in a relationship try to do it on their own ? I resent him for so much I try to juggle everything on my own so I can’t be let down for example kids had a orthodontist app yesterday we’d arranged dh would take us then go to work as I wouldn’t be able to get there and back then back into work on time but he failed to turn up resulting in me running about trying to make the bus on time to get them there . His reason was I was acting like an arsehole the night before so he thought I’d make other arrangemts

He sounds like an arse op, sorry. An arse who hasn’t got the bollocks to be honest and decent with you. He is pushing you to throw him out so he can live his carefree life and he can justify it to other people as it being your fault.

That’s exactly what he does , I could phone him and ask a simple question and if he doesn’t like what I’ve asked he’ll start being defensive causing an argument which results in me telling him to f••k off then he goes watch’s the football goes to the gym without a care in the world

Who has the children just now? would he just go out and leave them and expect you to be home to sort them out?

I’ve just text my daughter who is at his dads house staying there tonight obviously so he can go out the only problem is my oldest daughter is away to a party (13year old) who’s been left to fend for herself with no key to get in so looks like I’ll be going home since he thinks it’s acceotable to leave her on our own over night it’s getting worse by the minute all for a night out

In my house its totally unacceptable.

But the drug taking, he’d be out of the door. Fuck people like that. Life is for living not wasting on people who think theyre the bees knees for taking drugs. He has kids FFS. Total waster.

You are already doing all this alone

He doesn't give a shit about any of you

I just can’t get my head around how selfish and nasty he can be , he takes me for granted but I’ve let him because I know I’m doing right by my kids

Actually you are not "doing right by your kids" to model a relationship where women get treated like shit

The best thing you could do by them is to demonstrate that you are better than this and that the way he treats you is wrong

If you keep putting up with it....what does that tell them ?

I you're in a relationship and you're unhappy, and they keep doing something that they know makes you unhappy, it's not really a relationship. It's a convenience (for them). You deserve better and I don't mean to sound harsh at all

I am trying to do right by my kids I know what your saying though