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Original poster

Highly Sensitive People

109 replies

MuseumofInnocence · 04/10/2018 11:07

I've come across people coming across "Highly Sensitive People", and I understand there was a book written about this by Elaine Aron. However, my skeptical side makes me wonder if it's the kind of thing that is often self-diagnosed, and seems to me a way of saying "I'm special".

Does anyone have experience with it and people who claim it?

OP posts:

Lottapianos · 05/10/2018 08:02

'But surely the aim should be to develop resilience so that you can function normally '

Going for a walk at lunchtime is perfectly 'normal' thing to do. It's not like the poster grabbed their coat and stormed out the door in tears, shouting about needing 'special time for ME!'. She just quietly removed herself from a situation that she found stressful

CrumbsInBed · 05/10/2018 09:18

This.

Why would she sit through something she found uncomfortable, when the obvious solution would be to walk away? Why put herself through that?

In fact, seeing as we only have one life, why make it all the more unpleasant by putting ourselves under any strain (for want of a better word) that we don’t need to, if it makes us unhappy? Surely, we have that right to remove ourselves from it?

TheFifthKey · 05/10/2018 09:54

I don't see myself as unresiliant or giving in by going out instead of staying to make small talk. I'm perfectly capable of chatting for half an hour - I wouldn't be a blubbering mess or anything. I'm a professional in my late 30s and I don't need "time, exposure and practice" to get used to things - I've had tonnes of all three.

But, when all's said and done, spending all day working closely with people and then all lunchtime in close proximity with others would have some effect on me. I'd have to go to bed quite early, or find myself a bit short-tempered later as I was out of emotional energy, or spend the next day that bit more tired. And of course, I wouldn't expect any accommodations or anything from anyone else, because that's up to me to deal with. And the best way to deal with it is by taking some time for a walk at lunchtime.

If it was possible to build up resiliance by doing things all the time, I'd be amazing at it by now as I've been working for 16 years! But actually I feel old enough and aware enough of myself now to say, sod it, I don't need to do the lunchtime small talk, I'd rather keep myself in the best emotional shape possible which allows me to be on best form for my family and friends later.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General health

TheFifthKey · 05/10/2018 09:56

And trust me, I've faced up to so many things that have scared or overwhelmed me in my life. Realising you have HSP traits isn't a licence to run away from those things - we all have those challenges to face.

BlueEyeshadow · 05/10/2018 10:15

There is no reason why a NT person should need to do that

Cobblers! Unless you're saying that you can't be both introverted and NT?

I'm introverted, get overloaded by sensory stuff easily, have loads of allergies etc. Realising this stuff helps me deal with it without taking it out on other people, esp. my family! It doesn't mean I'm asking for special treatment or think I'm better than anyone else. This stuff is a pain, especially when combined with NT, extrovert people who think their way is the only way.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 05/10/2018 10:33

I've never heard of HSP but I scored 25 on that test.

But interestingly, I already do most of the things that site recommends to keep yourself on an even keel. I live fairly simply, eat really healthily, don't drink coffee, work from home, always wear comfy clothes and naturally do a lot of mindful type rituals (before I even knew they were a thing). It was jokingly pointed out to me that when I'm away with friends I always absent myself from the group for part of the weekend. I never realised I do it but its true.

I suppose I'm mid fifties and know myself really well. I'm conscious of sounding a bit of a snowflake here; in life I'm really not.

FaithInfinity · 05/10/2018 10:35

Hmm. I used to think I was an HSP. Then I was diagnosed with ASD as an adult. I think there’s an awful lot of people out there with no idea that they are actually neuro-diverse.

Racecardriver · 05/10/2018 10:42

It's the modern day equivalent of Mrs Bennett's nerves. But it is very much a real thing. I have this type of personality/sensory function/whatever. I really struggle to block out background noise. Some sounds can be downright upsetting to me. Being around a lit of noise/people/colour make me exhausted and gives me a headache. I don't know why I am like this but when I am sitting in a room full of people and everyobe else is fine but I am on the verge of grabbing a life and cutting my ears off because the fan is making a slightly irregular whirring I realise that there is something slightly wrong with me. It's not a big part of my life but it does mean that I have to make a concious effort to relax. I have found that turning off the rights and submerging myself in the bath (nose just above the water obviously) for about ten minutes works really well. I don't see it as being any different to being super fussy about food or being unable to sit still and do nothing for five minutes. Just another personality quirk that is surprisingly common.

user1499173618 · 05/10/2018 10:44

We live in a very artificially noisy world. The natural world, for which are bodies were designed, is a lot quieter.

FissionChips · 05/10/2018 10:51

Why does anyone need a book to give them permission to go for a walk instead of chatting with colleagues? Do people not just do what makes them comfortable anyway?

Padparadscha · 05/10/2018 10:55

Why does anyone need a book to give them permission to go for a walk instead of chatting with colleagues?

Because this is Mumsnet, where you can’t function as a woman unless you read one wanky self-help book a week, minimum.

TheFifthKey · 05/10/2018 10:58

Do you really think I needed a book to give me permission to do that? I mean, actually really believe it?

Those of us that have found the book useful (and I read it maybe 10 years ago? A long time, certainly, and have never so much as mentioned it to anyone else until I saw this thread) have just felt pleased that there's a reason why, for example, endless small talk seems tiring and hard to deal with, and it's nice to know you are not, in fact, failing utterly at adult life, but can just treat yourself a bit more kindly. Why it bothers anyone else I have absolutely no idea.

BlueEyeshadow · 05/10/2018 11:00

Why does anyone need a book to give them permission to go for a walk instead of chatting with colleagues? Do people not just do what makes them comfortable anyway?

Because sometimes it takes an outside prompt to make you realise that you don't have to conform to other people's ideas of "normal"?

All kinds of reasons - not to give you permission, but to help you realise that this actually IS what makes you comfortable.

3WildOnes · 05/10/2018 11:01

I scored 6 on the test, I imagine my husband and 2 if my children would score similarly. As I said before, my mother and one of my children would score highly. I’ve found it helpful to read about and to understand their behaviour.
I’m sure they there is an. Overlap with ads. My child who scores highly, was also assessed by camhs as having ads traits.

BlueEyeshadow · 05/10/2018 11:01

Because this is Mumsnet, where you can’t function as a woman unless you read one wanky self-help book a week, minimum.

Why does anyone need an internet forum on which to be rude to anyone whose experience of life is different from their own?

stickygotstuck · 05/10/2018 11:04

It is real. It is not a condition, it's a personality type.

It doesn't give you permission to go for a walk instead of chatting. It makes you understand that there's nothing wrong with you for not coping with stuff that most of your colleagues seem to actively enjoy. It makes you, you know, feel like you fit in. So, quite the opposite of being special .

Also, the children version of the book (the originally, I think) made me cope with DC's unexplained meltdowns when she was younger.

I agree it dies have some traits of AD

stickygotstuck · 05/10/2018 11:05

*it does have

Padparadscha · 05/10/2018 11:08

Why does anyone need an internet forum on which to be rude to anyone whose experience of life is different from their own?

I’m not talking about ‘life experiences’. I’m talking about self help books that are often thrown around on MN like they’re the magical solution to any problem a woman has, same with Mindfulness. Fine if you buy into that sort of thing, but their written and work in a ‘one glove fits all’ manner, which is obviously not the case.

BlueEyeshadow · 05/10/2018 11:09

Well, you could say that without throwing words like "wanky" around. Have you read this book?

picklemepopcorn · 05/10/2018 11:13

Haven't read everything yet but...
Definitely real, definitely often misused by people referring to it.

Often seen in people whose childhood necessitated survival skills like carefully reading a parent's mood.

FissionChips · 05/10/2018 11:17

Do you really think I needed a book to give me permission to do that? I mean, actually really believe it?

Well yes, that’s what pp seemed to say, (I tend to interpret things said literally) so I thought I’d ask as it sounded absurd.

FissionChips · 05/10/2018 11:28

It makes you understand that there's nothing wrong with you for not coping with stuff that most of your colleagues seem to actively enjoy

Is that not to do with having a shaky sense of self or low self esteem though? I mean, I’ve always just got on with doing things I can manage, avoiding things I can’t. I’ve never felt weird or that there is something wrong, I think it’s maybe because I’ve always had a very firm sense of who I am so I’ve never felt the need to try and fit in with anyone/group.

I’m not slating the book btw, if it helps people then that’s great.

MissLingoss · 05/10/2018 11:29

There is no reason why a NT person should need to do that

Surely going for a brisk 15 minute walk at lunch time is a perfectly normal thing to do that's beneficial for everyone, regardless of personality type? Fresh air, exercise, chance to clear your mind a bit?

Padparadscha · 05/10/2018 11:31

Have you read this book?

Of course not, I don’t need to waste my time reading 200 pages of a contrived book just to tell me what kind of personality I have. It would be quicker and cheaper to take a Buzzfeed quiz, and probably more accurate. At least they don’t have leading questions, like the one linked in this thread.

Davespecifico · 05/10/2018 11:34

If it helps you understand yourself and accept yourself and provide strategies for this, it’s fine with me.
I might not go round saying I’m an HSP tho. It would sound a bit odd.

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