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Highly Sensitive People

109 replies

MuseumofInnocence · 04/10/2018 11:07

I've come across people coming across "Highly Sensitive People", and I understand there was a book written about this by Elaine Aron. However, my skeptical side makes me wonder if it's the kind of thing that is often self-diagnosed, and seems to me a way of saying "I'm special".

Does anyone have experience with it and people who claim it?

OP posts:
TheGoddessFrigg · 04/10/2018 13:34

Major Pain in the Arse.....

vaclavscat · 04/10/2018 13:42

User, I suspect a lot of people on this thread just haven't read the book and are jumping to conclusions based on a webpage or what someone has said to them about being an HSP.

user1499173618 · 04/10/2018 13:44

Yes, I expect you are right.

I found it such a relief to realise why other people enjoyed environments I found so very overwhelming and that it was OK to walk away.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General health
Ohyesiam · 04/10/2018 13:47

Ha ha! I’m am high on the scores for HSP and go all out to avoid being noticed or recognised as such. Or actually noticed fullstop.

So I think that’s the acid test, if someone broadcasts it, they are likely to want to be seen as special. Which is ok,we have different needs but sounds to me like a burden.

vaclavscat · 04/10/2018 13:56

I changed my career to work from home after I read the book and it made a huge difference to my quality of life and it did also help me stop feeling like there was something wrong with me for not liking a lot of the things those around me seemed to love. In my case it wasn't shyness or anxiety because although I am introverted and hsp I'm not really shy or anxious but I just had no tolerance for parties, crowds, clubs etc.

Ohyesiam, I do agree that its probably not a good idea to go about shouting about your HSPness because then it does just look like your asking for special treatment but having said that we all have the right to be assertive and ask for what we need to be well.

Lottapianos · 04/10/2018 14:03

I scored very highly on that test so I meet the criteria. I certainly don't go around broadcasting how special I am or that I have specific requirements! I avoid situations I don't enjoy and try to allow myself time to 'recover' if I have to do things I find stressful. I'm not sure it's something that other people need to know about, but it helps me to understand myself much better

Zoflorabore · 04/10/2018 14:04

I just scored 24 on the test but I think I have undiagnosed ADD or AS.
My ds has AS and I have so many traits.

mrsm43s · 04/10/2018 14:10

I scored highly on that HSP test

Honestly, I'm not a Highly Sensitive Person - I'm a normal person, who is relatively stressed at the moment, which manifests itself (in me) in overthinking and an anxiety type response. I'm generally quite a robust, pragmatic coper, but just currently I'm overloaded with worrying stuff going on, and so I'm at my capacity.

It would be do me and people like me a disservice to tell us that we are Highly Sensitive and that our inappropriate overreactions to things were OK or we needed to be allowed to indulge ourselves and wrap ourselves up in cotton wool. What we actually need to do is find coping strategies and work on building our strength and resilience.

Blackoutblinds · 04/10/2018 14:13

I’m FINE.

Fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional.

vaclavscat · 04/10/2018 14:21

mrsm43s, a short quiz on a webpage isn't really going to tell you much about the subject its just a taster. You say:

"It would be do me and people like me a disservice to tell us that we are Highly Sensitive and that our inappropriate overreactions to things were OK or we needed to be allowed to indulge ourselves and wrap ourselves up in cotton wool. What we actually need to do is find coping strategies and work on building our strength and resilience."

Finding coping stratigies and building strength and resilience is exactly what reading this book as helped me do. I am much more mindful of my limits and have good boundries now. Its not about thinking your just a delicate flower who needs special treatment its about self understanding, compassion and boundries.

A580Hojas · 04/10/2018 14:24

I scored really high on that test linked to by Catinboots. I've never considered myself to be highly sensitive, just an absolutely average human being with some character traits that other people do not share and some that other people do! The rush to label people as this or that these days drives me up the funking pole! It is very othering and isolating and I'm sure contributes massively to our current collective mental health problems. Too much introspection is a curse if the result is that you convince yourself you are different and everyone else has it sorted and sussed. The human condition is to feel mildly depressed and dissatisfied and "on the outside" and people need to grasp this. There really can't be that many special people in the world!

TheFifthKey · 04/10/2018 14:25

I always score highly on these quizzes and have read the book - I'd never label myself as an HSP to other people (why?) and the book is in no way about feeling sorry for yourself or wrapping yourself up in cotton wool. Quite the contrary - it's about understanding how you are and dealing with it, without any effect on other people. Just giving yourself permission to take a break and not feel obliged to do things other people like. So for example, instead of sitting in the staffroom chatting, I went for a 15 minute walk round the block alone at lunchtime. I feel recharged and happy to have had some silent alone time, rather than feeling like people might judge me for not wanting to talk to them. But I didn't grab my coat and flounce out saying "I need to be alone because I'm SENSITIVE!". Just went out drawing no attention to myself.

vaclavscat · 04/10/2018 14:34

Good post Fifthkey, I can kind of see why so many posters find the name or concept annoying especially if they have experiance of it through someone using that term to get special treatment but the actual meat of the book is genuinely helpful and not at all about getting others to tip toe around you. I found it really helpful on a personal level but as you say no need to shout about it!

Padparadscha · 04/10/2018 14:51

The traits explained for this ‘condition’ just seem to be anything between usual ‘sensitivity’ to ASD and sensory disorders. Calling it being a Highly Sensitive Person screams of needing to be ‘special’ to me, and I agree with pp who thinks it’s ridiculous a person believes they have bigger ‘feels’ than a typical person. Highly Sensitive Person is probably the username handle of most of tumblr by the sounds of it.

malteserhound · 04/10/2018 15:12

I've read the book and found it very helpful in helping me to understand why I react the way I do in certain situations. I have talked about it with DH and a couple of very close friends, in an enthusiastic 'I found this and it helps me!' sort of way, but I certainly wouldn't advertise myself to the world as HSP, or think of it as being somehow special (Elaine Aron puts prevalence at about 20%, so not even unusual!).

I agree that the book isn't in any way about being special, it's about practical ways of managing the associated sensory and emotional overwhelm that all people reach at some points, but is perhaps experienced more frequently by someone with HSP traits. The sensory aspects may well overlap with ASD, and there is a measurable overlap with introversion, but none of this is absolute. I am an introvert, but when I've looked into ASD, it really doesn't fit at all.

I also agree that introversion/ HSP has become fashionable on the internet, and all the memes about how we are special sensitive little flowers that are somehow better than others, is both complete crap and intensely annoying.

Welshmaiden85 · 04/10/2018 15:16

I’m HSP. It definitely helps me as I’m also an extrovert, so often made myself ill without enough care for myself. I also think it makes my childhood make sense.

I haven’t told anyone else but more from fear of them having your reaction than anything else.

beachysandy81 · 04/10/2018 15:26

I have scored highly on that test but I also know that most of my friends and family would score highly on it too!!

Sallystyle · 04/10/2018 15:51

I don't really know what to think about it. DH and DD both have a lot of the traits.

DD is 11 gets very overwhelmed easily by sensory overload. She struggles at Xmas especially. She hates loud noises and gets stressed very easily if lots of things are going on. Is she just more introverted or a HSP?

DH can't stand noise and lots going on. He picks up on a bad atmosphere so quickly and will feel physically uncomfortable. He can't be around a lot of people. He hates bright lights and is extremely sensitive to everything around him. However, he has a mental health illness and awful social and general anxiety, so it could be more related to that.

I find it hard to tell what is HSP and what is just normal or a more introverted personality.

mrsm43s · 04/10/2018 21:06

So for example, instead of sitting in the staffroom chatting, I went for a 15 minute walk round the block alone at lunchtime.

But surely the aim should be to develop resilience so that you can function normally and chat to your colleagues in the staffroom without running away for special "me time". There is no reason why a NT person should need to do that - you just need to build the appropriate social/life skills. I do, however, realise that there's an overlap with ASD, which s a separate issue.

user1499173618 · 04/10/2018 21:08

mrsm43s - you can no more build up resilience to the noise of a crowded room as a HSP than a fair skinned person can build up a dark tan!

mrsm43s · 04/10/2018 21:22

@user1499173618 I'm not sure about that. I've faced lots of things that made me uncomfortable at first, and gradually learned to cope with them - that's what building resilience is. In terms of "the noise of a crowded room" it's about learning how to zone it out and normalise it - it will take time, exposure and practice, in terms of small talk, its a case of throwing yourself in there.

If I never faced and conquered all of the little thing that have scared/overwhelmed/worried me in life, I'd be a much lesser person, and I'd have missed out on so much.

The reality is that it is entirely normal for people to find certain things, certain situations, certain skills hard or challenging. We all need to find techniques to push on past them - not to label ourselves as super special and avoid them.

bringincrazyback · 04/10/2018 21:25

I totally believe in this phenomenon, I believe it applies to me, but I don't ask for special treatment from others because of it - however, on a personal level I find it useful to know there are others out there like me who are easily overstimulated and find aspects of day-to-day life harder than perhaps most people do. TBH I don't really tell people about it because I fear scepticism or being called a 'snowflake' - it's a cynical world out there if you're not neurotypical.

user1499173618 · 04/10/2018 22:07

You are really not right about this, mrsm43s.

user1499173618 · 04/10/2018 22:07

It’s got nothing to do with finding new things challenging.

RebelRogue · 04/10/2018 22:51

There is no reason why a NT person should need to do that

There is a very good reason...there's people in the staffroom!!