If you were having surgery with a chance of death...

[AlienBotanist]

Would you write letters to your loved ones before you went?

Minimal risk of death, but still there (heart surgery).

Yes, or record a video. And make sure will etc was up to date.

Yes, will is fine, but I just feel like an idiot writing to them when there's such a small risk.

I wouldn’t tell them I’d done it though.

I considered that, Nona, but then they might not find them!

I wrote a letter to my dd when I had serious surgery. Told my sister where it was.
Found it last time we moved. Wow. 😂

Did you show her, QOD, or burn/hide it?

I would do it but give them to the nurses or doctors at hospital. I wouldn’t tell my family as I wouldn’t want to worry them.

Yes but don't hide them. When I had a breakdown last year I wrote letters to my husband and kids as there were periods where I thoight about killing myself, but I was in such a state I forgot where I hid them and I can't find them anywhere. I really hope they never find them

I have a box for each of my kids with letters written for their birthdays up to 21, and for wedding day... just incase I randomly die. I'm in good health, no surgeries booked but still have them. I just throw the letter away when they have the birthday it was written for.

So if I get killed in a car accident, they will have their box. So if I were you going into surgery, then yes I would.

Definitely. It was suggested to my best friend, before a major operation. Unfortunately, the letters were received. 😭

Yes. In my NHS role I accepted letters like this and returned them to patients afterwards; thankfully the few people who gave us letters made it home safely.

Best of luck OP.

It would depend on the specific risk of death. Most surgery carries quite low risk unless you’re already debilitated or have significant comorbidities.

Haireverywhere that is really kind and heartwarming. Thank you for doing that.

Yes. My mum died after a routine surgery and I searched desperately for a letter. It would have meant so much to me (even though I knew she loved me).

Best wishes OP. (How rude, imagine grovelling apologies)

Yes I did. Some small letters and a note about funeral plans and what to do with a couple of sentimental items.

Was bloody hard writing it but I felt so much better once I had. I told a close friend where I had put them.

@Fiffyshadesofgreymatter

My young colleague's parents were both killed in a car accident a few years ago. Her mum had done the same as you and I can't put into words how much comfort that box still provides at times. It helped my friend begin to heal, it really did.

(As well as wedding day, she'd done birth of first child too - this meant the world as an adult orphan giving birth without her parents).

My business partner had a reasonable risk of death (10%) and had a meeting with me to explain who his executor was and how his will was up to date and told me what his provisions were in terms of his business interest with me. Obviously, that was a very professional level discussion but I really appreciated it. I think to do something more emotional for the family is lovely but give it to someone for safe keep it until needed, rather than give it out now.

I think it would be a good thing to do, just in case. My dad died this year after a fairly routine hospital admission ended in sepsis and his death, and I tore the house apart in the day after he died looking for something from him, anything. I found nothing other than his chequebook and an old notebook (containing such gems as 'apple pie is a poor excuse for a pudding' and 'gas bill £74.02, called to complain'.

I can honestly say that just a short note telling me he loved me would have made a lifelong difference.

@Haireverywhere

Mine are both boys so I hadn't thought about birth of child. But that's stupid of me! I will be writing those as soon as possible now!

Oh yes, write your letters. Just put them in a place where you know they would come across them.

Good luck with your surgery.

Definitely write the letters. And best of luck with the surgery!

I hope your surgery goes well.

Do write the letters and perhaps attach them to your will. I’ve had letters written for me and they were actually written a long time before they were read, but I loved getting them and they are very treasured. You could die crossing the road but this way you know your loved ones will always get a letter from you.

I probably would have laughed and said no.

However I once worked and had. I am a HCP and had 42 year old lady in for a brain aneurysm embolisation (where the aneurysm would be stabilised).

She walked in fine, and obviously the procedure carries risks, but everyone fully expected her to walk off the table again, but sadly she didn't.

To see someone, who looked so young and healthy (i.e. walking in), but died on the table. It always made me take operations and procedures a bit more seriously.