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If you were having surgery with a chance of death...

55 replies

AlienBotanist · 03/10/2018 17:03

Would you write letters to your loved ones before you went?

Minimal risk of death, but still there (heart surgery).

OP posts:
MarianneAgain · 03/10/2018 17:54

I write letters to my DC from time to time anyway... just on the off chance: there's a clearly labelled file ("in the event of my death") with details of life insurance policies and funeral arrangements and the sealed letters are inside that.
Unlike Fiffyshades they are not written for specific events (my kids are all adult now) but I hope they would bring comfort if something happened to me, so yes, OP - go for it.

reallybadidea · 03/10/2018 18:00

How risky? Have you been given a % chance? What procedure are you having? I wonder whether writing it will make you more anxious. In an ideal world we wouldn't ever leave things unsaid because things can happen at any time with no warning.

AlienBotanist · 03/10/2018 18:59

Thank you everyone.
Coconutcreampie- I do hope you're much better now Thanks

Reallybadidea I think you've got the mail on the head. It's 0.01% chance of death... but it's still hanging over me, and making me feel worse about the prospects. 95% success rate.

OP posts:

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Coconutcreampie · 03/10/2018 19:21

I am thank you. I hope your surgery goes well

reallybadidea · 03/10/2018 20:05

Without wanting to diminish your very understandable anxiety, that is an extremely low risk of death. Maybe it's worth thinking of it from another angle, that the risk of having the procedure is considerably less than if you don't have it done and do nothing?

I think if you have things that you would want to say to your loved ones, then write a letter - but not because you're having a procedure that will improve your life. Just do it so that you have peace of mind that you can tell them important things even if you're not there to say it in person.

I hope the procedure goes well (I'm sure it will!)

AnoukSpirit · 03/10/2018 20:13

Conversely, if writing them means it sets your mind at rest and reduces the number of things making you anxious as you go into surgery that seems like a sensible course of action.

AnoukSpirit · 03/10/2018 20:19

Oh, and having received a letter like this myself, I have a set of letters with my will.

Even if you think you've said everything you would want to say already, events can overtake you. Things can change. What you vividly remember telling someone and thinking they understood, may be something they didn't understand in the same way or won't remember when consumed by grief. Bereavement also throws up questioning and doubts. Having a letter can help enormously.

It's also a tangible sign of the person's love for you that you can see and touch and hold when your grieving brain is tormenting you with "maybe they didn't love me, maybe they didn't know how much I loved them". A final connection to them, their thoughts, and their relationship with you.

TruelyTruelyScrumptious · 03/10/2018 20:23

I have had surgery with a significant chance of death.

I was very ill at the time and wouldn't have had the opportunity to formally write anything. I did tell my family that I loved them.

I didn't have young children (or indeed any children) at the time. If I had done I would have written to them but I think not to anyone else.

Only 1 letter. I think that people who are dying and do cards/letters/presents for children until they are 21 etc and write to them each birthday possibly stop them from being able to move on.

I have been told that I am within days of death twice, it is very surreal but suddenly you get great clarity about many things. I have no fear about dying. I almost died at least once, I just remember a haze (and a lot of pain!) no light experience etc. I was resuscitated at least once.

Not sure that helps!

QOD · 03/10/2018 20:44

I am not sure what I did with it! Certainly didn’t give it to her

I did get an after death letter from my gran. Was with her will - my sis got a beautiful heartfelt letter and I got ‘as I said to your sister, I love uou’
Sis got all the ‘ yiure the best thing since sliced bread.’ Was a touch hurtful

seven201 · 03/10/2018 21:14

I wrote an email to my husband with messages within it to be forwarded on to my family. And a big section to my 1 year old dd. I told him I'd emailed him but to only open it if I died. He was a bit Hmm at me. I also got my will sorted.

YeOldeTrout · 03/10/2018 21:25

My mother rewrote her will & sent copies to everyone right before her every surgery. She was convinced every GA was dangerous. It was very confusing when she died (not on operating table) to try to figure out what was the most recent version of her will.

Sorry, I dunno OP. I think I'd go in with things in order & try to leave relationships on good terms, but not plan on a last written message.

AnoukSpirit · 03/10/2018 21:35

There is no such thing as "moving on" after losing a parent, especially as a child. There is only "learning to carry their loss".

Unless you've lost a parent as a child you're not qualified to comment on "moving on", or how people cope with that degree of utter devastation.

Watching your peers go through milestones and birthdays with their parents and wondering what it feels like, what your parent would have said to you, what they would think of you, what advice they would have for you, what answers they could have shared if you'd been able to ask your burning questions about what this stage of their life was like for them.

Just because young people lose a parent and seem outwardly fine when you see them, doesn't mean they're not in turmoil inside or that they've merrily disregarded the huge gaping hole in their life that they see on a daily basis that everyone around them does not have. Or that while they're jumping up and down with excitement on exam results day they're not also crushed inside wondering if their parent would have been proud, wondering if they're good enough, wishing they could share it or know if this day would have meant something to their parent.

People get very good at pretending to be outwardly happy so the judgemental "just move on" crowd leave them alone instead of adding to their pain with their cruel and unthinking judgements. Remember that next time you're praising someone for "moving on" in the way you deem fit.

You never get to "move on", but (a) letter(s) can help to feel like you can continue living without their guidance, support, and love in your life. It's about easing the pain you'll be bearing anyway - when a parent dies young you don't forget they ever existed and skip off into the sunset to commence your new life as an orphan, never again to remember they existed or should have been there for your 18th birthday.

You don't know what you're talking about if you think a parental loss at a young age isn't something you carry with you for every single day of the rest of your life no matter how old you get - letters or not.

SamanthaJayne4 · 03/10/2018 23:05

My cousin had Wolff Parkinson Wight Syndrome (sp?) and was offered a procedure to cure it. There was a very small risk but she decided it was worth it. After having this problem for over 50 years she was cured. The surgeon sat reading a paper while waiting to check it had worked, that's how relaxed it was. My cousin was awake throughout.

SpoonBlender · 03/10/2018 23:25

Good luck with the surgery! I'm in for a ridiculously minor procedure soon and I was thinking of doing the same thing... I think it's a good plan. Take HairEverywhere's experience - get a nurse to look after them.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 03/10/2018 23:44

My Mum died during heart surgery, I'm not saying this to scare you, it was her 4th OHS and the chances of survival were low, I would have given anything for her to have written a letter for me to keep afterwards. She always said that she's considered it for the other surgeries but words never seemed enough and she didn't want to leave us with her writing something that didn't convey her love for us at its fullest.
However, now, I'd still rather just have something she'd written, even a shopping list or something just so I had it.

RNBrie · 03/10/2018 23:49

Yes I did before my surgery. Long ones to my dc and a short one to my dh but I also made sure I said all of the important things to him too. I'm really glad I did it, it made me feel better.

Missm00 · 04/10/2018 00:00

I’m not too sure how high the risk of death is, but I have a neurological disorder, which has developed to the point now where a shunt is inevitable. I’m just waiting now to be referred to the neurosurgeons. I’m now trying to get a will sorted and write letters etc, as my exhusband and dc’s father has a similar condition and has nearly died many times as a result of his shunt and repeated surgery. I don’t want to be unprepared, and the worst happen and there be nothing left for my kids to remember me by. And I’m trying to make sure that their future will be secure too by putting in place as to who would have guardianship etc (my parents not my exh, because he currently hasn’t seen his dcs in 4 years, and he was extremely violent anyway)

PickAChew · 04/10/2018 00:02

Didn't get chance but I'm here to pretend it didn't happen.

Docsornot · 04/10/2018 00:07

I didn’t because I didn’t think of it. I had heart surgery 5 and a half years ago. My DC were 3 and 5 at the time. Happy for you to pm me if you have any questions though. Flowers

SeaEagleFeather · 04/10/2018 08:45

Accurately and beautifully put, AnoukSpirit. I'm sorry you lost someone so young.

AlienBotanist, if the worst happens then letter(s) could really help. I'd give so much to have had a letter. It may be very unlikely to happen but juust in case. At worst, you lose an admittedly-difficult half hour.

ShatnersWig · 04/10/2018 08:53

Great friend of mine went into hospital for an operation. Didn't tell us how serious it potentially was. Anyway, there were complications and she went into a coma. Died four days later on Xmas Eve (one of the reasons I find Xmas difficult). I was sat with her when she died. I'd been at her home every morning and night to check and feed her cats as she only lived a few doors away. Hadn't been in her bedroom at all. For some reason, that night, Xmas Eve, after I fed the cats, something told me to. There were wrapped Christmas presents for me and a few other friends, each with a card, each clearly chosen and written because she knew it was likely she wasn't coming back. Grown man of 44 and still makes me cry thinking of it. Still have that Xmas card.

So yes, please do it.

smurfy2015 · 04/10/2018 17:00

I have a Lifebook which I update every so often. I also have letters for those who I love and who love me.

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/housing-options/home-safety/lifebook/# - is the lifebook link you can download and print it page by page and tell someone where it is.

It can lead them to other info exp don't add credit card details etc but I describe where they are in such a way that my loved ones will know but no one else could decipher as it doesn't make any sense outside my immediate family

Im waiting to go into hospital myself for an extended stay for treatment and have a thread on here. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3367874-Tips-to-prepare-for-going-away-for-an-extended-time?watched=1&msgid=81531628#81531628

I have Xmas presents bought and wrapped, (I have a list for myself of what each person is getting and the card which is inside the wrapping paper tells everyone how much they mean to me but I tell them anyhow when I speak/see them) so that makes you wonder how will they know which one is which, I have stick-on bows on them if someone raises the side of the bow slightly there is a strip of white sticky label underneath stating who it is for. You cant tell otherwise.

Birthday presents are sorted up till March,

I have written all the cards I need to do between now and May just to be on the safe side. They are stamped and in a file folder by month. If anything comes up in between, I will only have a limited number of cards to get over time.

It's a very slim chance for me that things will be a lot worse and leave me potentially unable to resume life at a better quality than now but I am prepared for that. (prepare for the worst and hope for the best) -

then when the best happens you have assured yourself that your loved ones have what you want to tell them for keeps in your handwriting from you, via notes, special gifts and what perfumes you like etc

(Rachel Bland who recently passed from the big C, has handwritten diaries and notes for her son, so he will know how she wrote, loads of photos of her in the good and bad days, so he knows the good times and the bad times she had, and her favourite perfumes all put away in a box to preserve them so he knows what she smelt like, I think she also did letters till he is 21)

@Coconutcreampie massive hugs re the breakdown, I wrote letters to my loved ones at the point of my last suicide attempt, I don't remember writing them but they were mostly illegible. I had no intention of waking up again. I lay unconscious for several days. I had been yelling for help for weeks at that stage and couldn't take it anymore.

The paramedics took them out of the house and gave to hospital staff who gave to the psychiatrist when I was transferred to the unit and he showed them to me and we talked about them. He then said now that I had seen them, they needed to be destroyed so as not to be possible there for future so, with 2 nurses and him, I went into the courtyard and the nurses watched me as I burned them with a lighter, they provided the lighter and all 3 made sure I was safe with it. Therapeutic in some ways

The paramedics found them underneath me once they moved me to transfer to the ambulance. They made sure no one close to me got to see them to save them that distress, they knew once they saw letters what they were.

I know that's different to what you need but letters can be good to remember the person however sometimes when they aren't needed anymore, you might need to destroy as when you come home after your op, you don't want someone to find the words you wrote to them at this time.

You can rewrite them at your own pace, detailing how you have felt, what happened with your surgery and how you are getting on with recovery and your life forward from here on.

When my mum was dying, I was her calming influence, so I sat many hours by the bedside and while she slept, I wrote a kind of diary and I treasure it very much, It had the ups/downs /visitors comments / what made her laugh / the jokes she shared with staff. Its all in the diary/book.

She wasn't able to write herself but it helped keep track of things and when she was lost in herself, I could keep track on who visited and what they talked about. Its lovely to have 10+ years later, bittersweet memories but cherished all the same

One of her friends had got both knees replaced at the same time, the friend was 85+ and my mum kept forgetting that she had told us so every few minutes she would announce to whoever was there to (friends name) got new knees - the friend was visiting and said to all what do you think I am (my mums name) a centipede?

I was delighted to find in my mum's house after she passed, shopping lists, to do lists, clothes sizing lists, phone number lists, all sorts and loved her handwriting so appreciate the small things like that.

MadMaryBoddington · 04/10/2018 18:05

My letter from my Mum is just the most precious thing. She wasn’t a sentimental soul; we didn’t hug or kiss, and I can’t remember her ever saying she loved me (though I knew she did - actions spoke louder than words). Finding that unexpected and hidden letter was amazing, and it is so treasured. Do it.

tempname111 · 04/10/2018 18:08

Yes I did. One for DH, DSis, BF and several for DS for milestone birthdays and life events.

ThomasRichard · 04/10/2018 18:12

Yes. I wrote letters to 1yo DS, then-H and my parents. I obviously didn’t need them but better to have and not need and all that.

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