Why do I feel rubbish

[pippitysqueakity]

I work. DH doesn’t. I have paid for everything except fuel bills, which we started splitting last year for about ten years. Today I gave DH note showing what I wanted him to begin half for. I feel rubbish, but it had to be done. Things like poll tax dcs clubs/holidays tv licence etc. No food, insurance bills etc, so really not half outgoings. I just feel I ambushed him because he wasn’t expecting it. But I really shouldn’t be having* to ask should I? Why do I feel so bad?

If he doesn't work how will he pay for these things? Was it a decision made by both of you that he'd stay home and look after the children or did he quit a perfectly good job and sit at home doing nothing?

Yes defo more info needed here !

If he isn’t working, how on earth will he pay?

Funny way to run a marriage.

More information is needed. Does he have income from elsewhere?

It's also strange that you gave him a list without discussing it first.

But I really shouldn’t be having to ask should I? Why do I feel so bad?*

Because if you are married, your money is family money. You are working and he is not. Where do you expect him to get this money from?

You feel bad because you are treating him badly. He can't afford to pay if he isn't working and you are in it together.

Unless there is more to this (eg. he isn't working because he's an idley layabout cocklodger as opposed to can't find a job/unwell/primary child carer by agreement), to suddenly produce a list is a bit confrontational. He will feel that you think he isn't pulling his weight. That may be right but if you intend your marriage to be about team work, it's not a good way to go about it.

If you yourself are describing it as an ambush how do you think he feels? Being taken by surprise about anything serious is usually upsetting.

We need to know why he isn’t working to really understand this.

Why doesn't your DH work? And how is he going to pay without an income? Also.....poll tax???