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Original poster

BYOB to wedding instead of a gift?

73 replies

pearfect · 25/09/2018 12:55

Would we be CFs if we asked our guests to bring a bottle on the day of our wedding instead of gifts or cash?

I know the whole gift thing can be a minefield, so am asking MN for their shared wisdom

OP posts:
HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 25/09/2018 13:00

Would it be for them to drink or as a gift for you? Normally BYOB means bring something with you that you want to drink. I would imagine that guests would still bring a gift or cash for you as they are not actually giving you anything in this scenario.

I think many of your guests will also be confused as to whether it means you want alcohol as a gift?

MaxPepsi · 25/09/2018 13:06

Does your venue charge corkage?

Will you be supplying some drinks? Both soft and alcoholic?

I'd happily bring my own (I do anyway if I happen to be staying at the same venue) And would still buy you a gift!

Hanyu · 25/09/2018 13:08

I think we need more information.

It depends on the wedding set up and your reasons.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
Original poster
pearfect · 25/09/2018 13:08

We don't want gifts or cash, just a sort of donation to a good night. We would be providing plenty of booze too, but if guests also brought their own, we would make a saving on the actual day.

Venue doesn't charge corkage. Its a very laid back affair. We just want a good old knees up, and want to ask our guests to get involved in this way rather than a gift or cash? If that makes sense?

OP posts:
Original poster
pearfect · 25/09/2018 13:09

We are having a buffet and will be providing tea, coffee and soft drinks too.

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ShirleyPhallus · 25/09/2018 13:09

I love this idea. I’ve done it before where the couple have asked for a bottle or two of wine or a bottle of spirits.

Soft drinks and beers were taken care of but they got some fab bottles and people appreciated not having to buy expensive gifts

Original poster
pearfect · 25/09/2018 13:11

Reasons:

It would help us with costs
We don't want any gifts or cash - but we know people don't want to come empty handed
Its a way of getting people involved and helping us on the day

OP posts:
Original poster
pearfect · 25/09/2018 13:12

Thanks Shirley! Its a relief to hear you say that :)

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Hanyu · 25/09/2018 13:12

I hear what you are saying, but I think most people actually like to give wedding gifts. So, I wouldn't get too caught up in insisting on no gifts.

QueenBean · 25/09/2018 13:13

think most people actually like to give wedding gifts

You can take me out of the “most” equation here - I hate buying gifts and would much rather spend £15 on a bottle of booze instead!

Hanyu · 25/09/2018 13:13

What I mean is, I would probably bring a bottle and bring a gift.

anotherangel2 · 25/09/2018 13:13

You will have to make it clear as two separate things. No gifts or cash thanks and byo as there will be no bar.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 25/09/2018 13:14

I really don’t mind (care) what I bring, just let me know and I’m fine with that.

Hanyu · 25/09/2018 13:15

I would feel odd not bringing a wedding gift.

It's like kids parties where the parents ask for no gifts, but everyone brings one anyway.

So, it's fine to say bring a bottle, but be aware most people will probably still give you cash anyway.

strawberryalarmclock · 25/09/2018 13:15

We did this, we provided a very laid back but delicious buffet, a ton of cakes/desserts and loads of soft drinks & fizz.
We asked for no gifts and for guests to bring booze and a song request each.
Result? Our cheap but definitely cheerful wedding is still remembered fondly as the best ever and people were over the moon that they weren't faced with an over priced bar!

Boxesandroses · 25/09/2018 13:17

Like would love this and it would make it massively easier for me.

Bellabutterfly2016 · 25/09/2018 13:20

My friend did the same and wrote on her invites

No presents just your presence (and a bottle) required! It worked well and it was cheaper for the guests!

Hers was in a village hall - there was caterers but it kept down the drink bill she just provided bottles of water for each table, tea, coffee and then prosecco for the cutting of the cake.

The no presents bit fell on death ears tho and she ended up with all sorts of randome stuff!!!!

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 25/09/2018 13:23

People will still bring you a gift. Honestly I would feel so incredibly rude turning up to your wedding without even a token gesture and I know I am not alone.

I think you can ask but do not be at all surprised if people do both bring a bottle and a gift.

Original poster
pearfect · 25/09/2018 13:45

hmm yeah I was wondering whether people would feel that they should / feel obliged to bring a gift too. That's not what we would want.

I would hope our guests know us well enough to bring what we ask, I would hate for them to feel obliged to bring not only a gift but a bottle too...hmmm

OP posts:
Original poster
pearfect · 25/09/2018 13:49

Was hoping I'd make it easier and cheaper for everyone!

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Original poster
pearfect · 25/09/2018 13:53

strawberryalarmclock - thats what I was thinking. your wedding sounds like it was ace!

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Chelseajunior · 25/09/2018 13:56

As long as you make it clear you wouldn't need a gift/cash then I think it's a fab idea!

StarfishSandwich · 25/09/2018 13:59

I’ve been to a couple of BYOB weddings - both were excellent! They provided lots of drink anyway, but the option to add extras meant that everyone got what they wanted and no one was spending a fortune at a bar.

StephenKatz · 25/09/2018 14:02

I would be happy to do this.

RandomMess · 25/09/2018 15:31

I would far rather bring a bottle or 2 then spend money on a gift they don't need/want! Go for it!