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Original poster

BYOB to wedding instead of a gift?

73 replies

pearfect · 25/09/2018 12:55

Would we be CFs if we asked our guests to bring a bottle on the day of our wedding instead of gifts or cash?

I know the whole gift thing can be a minefield, so am asking MN for their shared wisdom

OP posts:

Babynamechange123 · 26/09/2018 11:41

We went to a wedding last summer that was bring a bottle and bring a cake. They served afternoon tea with all of the cakes and the bottles stocked the shed bar next to the fire pit. It was a beautifully relaxed outdoor wedding with a huge hog roast in the evening too. Everyone commented what a great idea it was and no one seemed to complain about bringing something. It wasn't compulsory, some people didn't bring anything and it wasn't noticed at all.

Snitzelvoncrumb · 26/09/2018 11:43

I think it's a great idea.

RebeccaCloud9 · 26/09/2018 11:46

I think it's great. No one likes to go empty handed but will be happy taking some booze (or lovely soft drinks if that's what they prefer), it'll stop people having to spend time choosing something else, it'll contribute to the day. Win win.

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Weddings

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/09/2018 12:03

I'd be happy with this as a guest OP.

serbska · 26/09/2018 13:19

how tight of you to have brought something and kept it to yourself instead of just donating to the table and having fun with a group of new people. Very weird to expect that BYO means “we will literally only drink the exact bottle we brought rather than just donating it to the table”.

Ah, you are the kind of person who thinks children should 'share' by immediately handing something over to someone else who wants it...

I don't like drinking shit prosecco. If I wanted to drink that, I would take it. BYO = bring your own.

Am I meant to supply booze for he entire table of people I don't know, just so that I can avoid drinking someone else's shit prosecco?

Or have one glass of my nice champagne (or my nice cheap cava, its just prosecco I despise), then not get anything else to drink for the rest of the night because someone else has drunk all of mine?

Can't believe you would take something belonging to someone else without them offering it to you. How selfish is that?

Potkettleblack2 · 26/09/2018 13:23

Great idea!

ShirleyPhallus · 26/09/2018 13:28

Ah, you are the kind of person who thinks children should 'share' by immediately handing something over to someone else who wants it...

What the fuck are you talking about. I don’t even have children.

It is incredibly tight to have an extra special bottle of sometning and then keep it to yourself. If it’s so special and important drink it on another occasion and yes, for that day, realise that likely everyone will share and bring a cheaper cava - or at least explain that you don’t like prosecco rather wrestling it out of this poor woman’s hand.

Your whole post makes you sound incredibly weird

Original poster

pearfect · 27/09/2018 11:17

Thanks again everyone. Especially to those who think its a good idea - that has given me confidence. I have said it to a few friends now too - and they all think its a great idea.

Still love the paella idea and the cheese idea too. Thanks all :)

OP posts:

overagain · 27/09/2018 12:51

Our friends did this. Worked really well actually and made the event cheaper for everyone (shock horror, most weddings we go to are cash bar). It was one the invitations and worded well and I don't think anyone but family also gave a gift.

moredoll · 27/09/2018 13:00

Can't believe you would take something belonging to someone else without them offering it to you. How selfish is that?

But it didn't belong to you anymore. You had gifted it to the hosts, who would have expected all of their guests to be able to share it.

Sharkwithknees · 27/09/2018 13:11

If I got an invite stating BYOB instead of a gift, I would think it was a lovely idea!! Takes the stress and shame out of turning up with a 'normal' gift when others are turning up with extortionate gifts! Love the laid-backness of it, great idea OP

overagain · 27/09/2018 13:27

If I remember rightly, it wasn't BYOB on the invite, it was "in lieu of gifts please bring some of your favourite tipple to share on the day" - made it clear that the drinks were for sharing and not your own personal stash. When we arrived were asked to put our drinks (if we'd brought any) in the 'bar area' - the bride had upcycled a 1950s drinks cabinet and there were fruits on there to slice, ice buckets, glasses etc. And loads of plastic tubs with ice and water in to cool the drinks. One of the ushers separated the drinks in to categories. The B&G provided mixers, softs and accompaniments as well as drinks for the toast and a few bottles on the table.

Original poster

pearfect · 27/09/2018 13:33

overagain - perfect!! that invite wording is perfect! And the way it was executed on the day - perfect!

OP posts:

Original poster

pearfect · 27/09/2018 13:35

very pleased I started this thread :)

OP posts:

EmeraldVillage · 27/09/2018 13:43

The wording on invites is crucial. Otherwise you may have incidents like the champagne poster above believing that they were meant to being booze just for themselves versus others thinking it is a free for all.

Original poster

pearfect · 27/09/2018 13:44

Its definitely a free for all. Just a contribution to a great night.

I think the wording overagain wrote is good: "in lieu of gifts please bring some of your favourite tipple to share on the day"

What do you think?

OP posts:

happymummy12345 · 27/09/2018 13:46

Yes. I think it's tacky and cheap to ever ask a guest to bring a bottle even to a normal party.
Mind you it's tacky and cheap to ask people for presents or money for a wedding either

EmeraldVillage · 27/09/2018 13:56

Are you expecting guests to leave at the bar or share around the table? If the former maybe
“in lieu of gifts please bring some of your favourite alcohol to share through the bar”

Because if you want people to completely relinquish ownership of their bottle that needs to be clear.

You also need to still provide plenty of stuff as what people bring versus what they’d actually expect to drink won’t match.

If people are able to drop at the hall prior to the wedding that would also help. Someone might say be willing to bring a crate of beer but not lug it to the ceremony.

Leeds2 · 27/09/2018 14:19

I have no problem with this at all, as a concept.

The bit that would bother me is that I can drink copious amounts of the same wine, without it having much effect on me, but if I have mixed wines, even if they are of the same type (eg an Australian pinot followed by a French pinot), I get drunk very quickly. So I would prefer to keep "my" wine with me, so that I knew I was drinking the same thing. Different wines may not have the same effect on other people! And this wouldn't stop me from coming to your wedding, nor would I complain about it!

DelilahandDaisy · 27/09/2018 14:27

If people say “no gifts” and truly mean it, then I always take a bottle of champagne. And it seems that everyone at these events has the same idea and there is a truckload of fantastic champagne! You should do it OP, not cheeky at all.

Ariela · 27/09/2018 17:12

We had a lot of older relations - so we borrowed the tea urns from the local church and had tea & coffee available on a help yourself basis (afternoon wedding) . Saved a lot of ££ on wine - all the unopened bottles went back to the suppliers.
For presents as we had 2 of everything, we said we'd prefer no presents but understand some of you would like to make the event so please don't spend a fortune on presents as we have 2 of everything but if you would like to bring something then please pick something, not necessarily new, that will remind us of you. Got given various things including an amazing original artwork from a minor artist (might even be worth something one day as she is now making more of a name for herself), but my favourite has to be the very pretty antique brass corkscrew from an aunt who said it was the very same one that my grandmother's aunt and uncle gave to them as a wedding present. It's quite old and came from the uncle's side of the family (Related to some Duke or other I believe), I hope to take it on Antiques Roadshow one day to find out more about it. We use it for special occasions and always toast the (long deceased but much loved) aunt.

fanomoninon · 27/09/2018 17:34

We did this for our 40th - iirc, some people kept their wine on their own tables, but most put it on the bar. We provided a load of wine, barrels of beer and lots of soft drinks/mixers, and had a couple of local youngsters (early 20s) who manned the bar/kept things chilled etc. If I remember, we said something like the following on the invitation: Please don't bring us a present - but do bring a bottle of whatever you fancy drinking to add to our bar stocks. We ended up with a LOT of booze!

Original poster

pearfect · 28/09/2018 11:02

Thanks again for sharing

I don't particularly want there to be rules and regs over what happens with the booze on the day. If people want to keep their bottle on their table, thats fine, or they can put it behind the "bar". My nephew and cousin have offered to help pour and distribute the drinks. I want to it be as laid back as possible.

fanomoninon - if there is any booze left over that will be a bonus but I doubt it with my friends and family

OP posts:

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